Wednesday, December 29, 2004
my hair is now 94% black and i have bangs. whoa. i gotta get used to this.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I think true love is just a requitted obsession

Sunday, December 26, 2004
geez i wish i was eating fresh dumplings

Thursday, December 23, 2004
loose lips sink ships

Monday, December 20, 2004
twiddling my thumbs, hanging from a string.
i hate waiting for the worst to happen.

Sunday, December 19, 2004
keane-sunshine
I hold you in cupped hands
And shield you from a storm
Where only some dumb idiot
Would let you go

Saturday, December 18, 2004
oceans 12. fabulous movie.
confusion is the best weapon.

Friday, December 17, 2004
I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love

Thursday, December 16, 2004
i hate the web. i hate how you have easy access to happiness but you're just one click away from disappointment.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I think about you, some.
Insulate a fragile mind.
Capsulize a broken find.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
head automatica - dance party plus
'A thousand acts of thoughtlessness'

Monday, December 13, 2004
bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity

Saturday, December 11, 2004
damn you've got some wicked style

Friday, December 10, 2004
It hurts me to see people I care about in pain.

Girls can be absolutely inconsiderate creatures. Boys too for that matter. But in this case its girls or maybe just one girl in particular. It’s absolutely horrible to think that people can just take other people for granted on all levels. Not just once but TWICE. Yup 2 times. You just put so much of yourself out there to do some good in this world only to get shafted in the end. its so true how they say you don’t know what you have until its gone. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how life would be like if people could actually open their eyes and realize what they do have in front of them? yah in a perfect world right? Then you gotta think.. ok if it happened once it might happen again but there’s always the excuse “BUT there’s something about them..” blah blah blah <puke>.. that inkling of hope that makes you hold on and wanna try .. then when you do you just walk back into the nightmare setting yourself up for disappointment or like my friend would say… “wake up naked next to an air conditioner on full blast in a broke down roach infested empty apartment.” No matter what people try to tell you it all doesn’t seem to matter because you can only get over it by yourself.

There are two things I learned this year.
1) You can’t change other people.
2) You can’t change yourself.

You can’t change other people because no matter how they try to front in the first cloud nine period their true colors will soon wash out the sunshine and the diabolical ogre will appear. It’s just a matter if you can live with that ogre or not.

You can’t change yourself because you are who you are. Everything that you have gone through in life has all played a role in how you react to situations now. If you’ve been shafted in the past there is no doubt there will be a super barrier up around you. Then there are the people out there that are just WAY TOO NICE. Yup you know who you are. You bend over backwards for someone else, give them the world, give them all your attention, take care of them, care about their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and all that other mushy bullshit and they just don’t see it until its gone. Why do nice guys always finish last? Why do girls like the bad boys? And why do guys like the naughty girls? I could go on and on about this irony but time is ticking and its almost beer o’ clock. I commend the founder of beer. [high five]

p.s. have fun in china guys! dont come back all married with 3 fobby wives with no teeth k.

thomas you sneaky devil with awesome hair... thanks for my early xmas present.
you are sooo incredibly on point you get 2 gold stars and a birthday cake!

Thursday, December 9, 2004
So my friend got engaged today. Absolutely brilliant the way he planned it. He is amazing. I would burst into tears had I been proposed to the way he did. Congratulations. You both deserve the best in life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG JIM. you are one incredible person.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004
i wish i was a kobe beef cow
so i could be massaged with sake and
fed a daily diet of large amounts of beer.

Monday, December 6, 2004
Flowers are beautiful
“hang in there! behind every dark cloud, the sun is waiting to shine”

Sunday, December 5, 2004
painted my bedroom wall purple. my cave is almost complete.

Saturday, December 4, 2004
5:45am thought i'd share some good songs

go betty go - c'mon
rilo kiley - portion of foxes
the stills - still in love song
elefant - misfit
jet - look what you've done
the von bondies - c'mon c'mon
chromeo - mercury tears
snow patrol - spitting games
ambulance ltd - primitive
freezepop - plastic stars
elastica - blue
imarobot - dynomite

tism - everyone else has had more sex than me

Saturday, December 4, 2004
paul frank friends & family shopping woohoo. what better way to shop than going direct to the source. then off to sole tech for etnies and next a stop at hurley. there was also obey and ezekiel today. thats one thing i cant complain about the county of orange.. all the main offices are within 5 minutes of eachother.

clothes are definitely my kryptonite.

friday, December 3, 2004
sucky work day.
i want out.

dl:
taking back sunday - a decade under the influence
the libertines - can't stand me now
tsunami bomb - roundabout

Thursday, December 2, 2004
there must be something in the air
10,000 miles away was 10,000 miles too far
i feel rejuvenated

Wednesday, December 1, 2004
by far the best pickup lines.

b : can i have a picture of you?
g : why?
b : so I can show santa what I want for christmas!

im gonna treat you like a temple
and worship you
for the best 3 minutes of your entire life

Wednesday, December 1, 2004
songs on fatal repeat on my winamp and at work:
head automatica - the razor
mellowdrone - the worst song ever
keane - somewhere only we know
the sounds - dance with me


so many suitors i dont even have a suit to wear.
i'm the razor in the hands of your heart.

Saturday, November 27, 2004
Talented mr ripley. Strange, twisted and diabolical.. but wow jude law naked in the bathroom scene. Cant go wrong with that.

Friday, November 26, 2004
so i decided to quit my job, move to vegas and become a professional mud wrestler on the weekdays and a bikini bull rider on the weekends.

Thursday, November 25, 2004
i'm not down with the sixth toe thing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
To each their own.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004
"If you’re dressed like a package going across the U.S. you aint gonna get none." -the wise big jim

Monday, November 22, 2004
"...it's an undeniable twinge" -jude law in alfie.

Sunday, November 21, 2004
426am. House warming #6,789 since I move so much… Good times.
Only .03 on the breathalyzer.

508am nothing better than top rawmen after a long night to make the tummy happy.
Watched mtv while eating. ODB rest in peace

Recap of tonights events. Went to simi valley for jamie’s bday dinner. It was good seeing him I miss him bunches. Wish we could be young again and he could sit 2 seats away from me in a movie theater or we could go to the NSYNC concerts and blast Back Street Boys. 536-637. next cruised to shark club and met up for david’s bday. Bought him a drinkaroo and hadda peace out back to home base where Kasidi was lighting it up on fire. He was absolutely hilarious in his belligerent state. Gotta love the roomie!

533am Im pooped. Good night.

Wednesday, November 18, 2004
So im leaving LAX and I pull up to the gate to pay for my parking and my car starts smoking. Not just a little puff of smoke though im talking straight early 80’s big hair band rock concert smoke where you cant see the lead singer in the midst of the clouds. So I pull over to the side and call triple A. tow truck comes about an hour later and homey with a mullet and a tail with one curl comes out and straps my car onto his gig. I had to get towed all the way back to simi valley. Mind you im in the tow truck now sitting next to the driver who is named Tango… ya…he’s creole… ya… so anyways we’re merging onto the freeway and he starts getting crazy LA driver on me and totally rolls down my window and starts cursing and yelling obscenities to the car that is trying to merge in next to us. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he started talking to me about life and dating etc. asking why I don’t have a boyfriend and how he has some cousins that he wanted to hook me up with. So im thinking.. Seriously.. are you kidding me right now? Then I try to make light of the conversation and ask him about his kids.. he tells me he has 5 kids from 4 different women and his wife right now is pregnant with his first child with her.. so counting the apples and oranges, that makes 6 kids from 5 different women. WOW.

Saturday, November 13, 2004
Its not the destination it’s the journey.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

thanks to a very talented artist.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Its only drama if you put up with it.

Monday, November 8, 2004
Alone
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov’d, I lov’d alone.
Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that ‘round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

-Edgar Allan Poe

Sunday, November 7, 2004
So ive had a lot of time to think lately. I went to a funeral on Friday. It really opened up my eyes. Made me think about how we don’t know how long we all have here on this earth… and its funny how we get so wrapped up in our busy lives that its easy to forget the people that mean most to us. Someone told me one time that its ironic how people will spend so much money on their boy/girl friends but when it comes to their siblings or their parents they hold back. You can deny that statement as much as you want but you know its true. But its not just money because money comes and goes. Its time. Time to give them a call randomly just to say hi or that quick email to brighten their day.

I am a victim of that busy life. Being trapped in the county of Orange.. (because I refuse to say im from the OC yuck) I seem to have misplaced my priorities and in turn have just surrounded myself with people and things that have only prove to bring me down. Why do humans do that? When we know something is not good for us we do it more. There are all kinds of bad things out there that people just keep running back to… smoking, drinking.. love.. a quick blink of high and poof its gone.

Its amazing how the world works. you do so much for something or someone only to be left with nothing in the end. Very unfulfilling. That is the word that can best describe the way ive been feeling for the past year. Unfulfilled. Like you’ve given all you got and you cant just keep truckin cuz the truck ran out of gas. Its easy for other people to say move on but it is without a doubt self inflicted misery. So when do we know when to just stop and let it go?

Well I may not have figured out an answer but I know where to start… and that’s #1-remember where you came from. It was so good stepping out of my house in simi vally and looking up at the bright stars in the sky. I forgot that there were stars after living in the light polluted city of Irvine for more almost 7 years now. And theres something about the fresh clean smell of nature that you just cant get anywhere but simi. The hills are my backyard. You can hear crickets when you go to sleep and coyotes in the middle of the night. I miss that. I miss waking up at 6am to get ready for my zero period class and seeing the morning dew on my car and the fog on Fitzgerald street. It was really good seeing some of my old friends on Friday despite the circumstances. I am a definite believer that people come into your life for a purpose. “There is a reason for everything.” Even when someone horrible crosses your path there was a distinct intention for your encounter. And as much as it may suck its all part of the grand scheme of things.

Ive only truly hated one person in my entire life.. and even then if that person was to one day come up to me and apologize for the pain that they’ve caused me I would give no second thought in forgiving them. sure there have been many people both past and present that have made me sad beyond belief but again it all has a rhyme and reason. Maybe it was for me to grow stronger as an individual or maybe it was me to change their life in someway.

In any case, if you’re reading this and you know me, I just want to say thank you for being you and being a part of my life. I hope I have made some sort of a footprint in your life.

Saturday, November 6, 2004
Saves the Day - Freakish
I'll make my way across the frozen sea, beyond the blank horizon,
where I can forget you and me and get a decent night's sleep.

Friday, November 5, 2004
we part in life only to meet again

Wednesday, November 3, 2004
negotiations 101: he who makes the first move is usually in a weaker position

Monday, November 1, 2004
for a split second i let my guard down..

Thursday, October 28, 2004
The Shins - New Slang
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set...
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004
"Error on the side of action"

its just that when you act upon your feelings you are afraid of getting hurt.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004
why is it that you always want what you can't have?

Sunday,October 24, 2004
I miss going to target and having someone tell you not to buy something cuz you really dont need it
I miss reading cookbooks and trying to cook something i've never tried before
i miss having friends invite me to dinner and when i reply it's an rsvp of eileen plus one
I miss doing laundry with someone
i miss snuggling on the couch while watching a cheesy dvd from blockbuster
I miss having someone know my wildest dreams and know my inner most fears
I miss those random phone calls just to say hello
I miss holding hands
I miss having someone understand me
i miss the kiss right before you go to sleep and the one that wakes you up in the morning

Saturday, October 23, 2004
Tonight (or should i say this early morning 5:38am) I am officially, hands down the biggest pimp. Not only did I touch nice, soft, BIG, real boobies, the blond hottie of a stripper that was working me like I was Ashton Kutcher jocked down my number on her celly. wait, thats not all folks... when we were driving home she called me and wanted to "hang out" rrraaAaaaaRrrr tiger. i think that naughty freakiedeakie gave me a hickey.

Let's have a poll..

p.s. She asked if I lived alone.. and she only lives in Lake Forest.. about 10 mins away from me.. but hey dont let that little tidbit of knowledge affect your decision!

Friday, October 22, 2004
Papa Roach-Scars
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much

Thursday, October 21, 2004
Killers-Smile Like You Mean It
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly

Sunday, October 17, 2004
Sugar shack. Yum
Got to see my mommy. Yey
Got to see my friends. Wahooo
Hooters. Cant go wrong with boobies.

Saturday, October 16, 2004
Ok picture this. A room full of twelve teens, a lot of hair product in full effect, tight (and boy do I mean tight) shirts, and to top it off J LO jeans on an emo lookin guy. I think that did it for me. chain reaction must be the place to BE if you are under 21. I was in the bathroom waiting to tinkle and I overheard 2 girls talking about how hard their U.S. Government class was and how they’re parents we’re gonna pick them up after the show. How incredibly cute is that. I remember being in high school :sigh: with the curfew and stressing over miniscule issues like what I’m going to wear tomorrow and what cute guy I’m crushing on at the moment. Head Automatic rocked though. ‘Beating Hearts’ is a super fantabulistic song and it was even more outstanding to hear it live.

new word: FLASH GORDON’s – emo looking people that are just trying way too hard to be rockstar status.

Dinner before the show was strange but fun. If you haven’t been to Chris n Pitts bbq in Anaheim it is a definite must. You cant miss it on Euclid off the 5. it’s the place with the big, bright, old school las vegas lookin sign. It was like a different world in there straight out of movie where you’re driving down Route 66 in the middle of nowhere and just like an oasis a sign pulls you in to feed your hungry tummy. Shirley our waitress (yah seriously can that be the pinnacle of waitress names or what) looked like one of those old white ladies that probably has been working there all her life and owns a lot of cats and would smoke even if she had a hole in her throat. The guy next to us said he had been eating there since before he could even drink alcohol and he was all about the ribs and chicken combo.

In the sea of black chuck tailors, saucony, addidas, designer jeans, and volcom (blah hehe) the highlight of the night was the good company and the one awesome song…

Whenever you call me, ill be there..
whenever you need me I’ll be there..
I’ll be around.

Friday, October 15, 2004
So im all ready to go and my friggin garage door would not open. Its as if the garage was staring straight at me going “neener neener neener.. you cant get your car..” saw a whole lotta people at level 3. I was quite surprised and stoked that people were able to come out. Didn’t get as smashed as I thought I would which is a good thing.. I don’t think my stomach can handle throwing up like it was my 21st bday anymore. So if you’re reading this and you came on Friday you get a big smooshy hug from me next time I see you.

Thursday, October 14, 2004
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
dL: Altered Images - Happy Birthday

Tuesday, October 12, 2004
1 more day. ugh.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004
im tired. very tired. and i think im getting sick. ive been sleeping on the floor since i havent had time to buy a bed yet and my back is killin. i slept with the windows wide open and i think the draft kicked up in the middle of the night leaving me with a horrid drippy nose and scratchy throat. to top it off i leave for vegas today right after work. no its not a "im gonna go rage in the city of sin and see lots of naked girls gettin their booty on at clubs named after inanimate objects...." its a "im going to a convention for bikes." woohoo please stop me i think the excitement is shooting out of my ears. but wait it gets better.. its not just 1 day or 2 days.. not even 3.. i wont be back until sunday. wooowiezowie, 6 days. i havent even packed yet since im still trying to figure out which bag my undies are in. geepers i need 36 hours in a day.

Monday, October 4, 2004
a stranger asked me if i needed help yesterday when i was carrying clothes from my car to my new apartment. its funny how a stranger could be so willing to help out but people that are closest to me probably dont even know im moving.

Sunday, October 3, 2004
"I'm the yellow cab company.. and you're not getting a ride" -thomas moon

Monday, September 28, 2004
So im moving again. Yup again. Every 6 months I swear.. I shouldn’t even unpack my things since I move so much. For some reason though I think this time around is going to be really good for me. things are looking a little more bright lately. Im not being so hard on myself. Even though work kills me and I feel like im turning mid life crisis over night because of the stress that consumes me at work, I go home and I think about how lucky I am to have gotten this far at such a young age. As I was cleaning out my closets I came across a lot of my old college papers and exams and as I was reading over them I thought to myself ‘damn I cant believe I graduated.’

A lot of old friends have been calling out of the blue lately too which makes me smile from ear to ear. Its sad to think about how distant we’ve all gotten and how busy we’ve become in our own lives but its always nice to hear that familiar voice on the other line calling up just to say hi and check up on me.

So if you haven’t watched the movie Amelie you really need to. Its an awesome movie. She reminds me of me, always trying to make everyone else happy.. then forgetting that you have to start at the source.

Monday, September 20, 2004
"talk about heartbreak hotel.. no more trolls" -stevie dazzle

Sunday, September 19, 2004
being a good friend is calling someone to listen not to vent.

Thursday, September 16, 2004
You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Til all you had spilled over

Now everything's so far away
That you don't know
Where you are
Who you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it's hard to be yourself
It's not to be someone else
Still everything's so far away
That you forget who you are

Wednesday, September 15, 2004
"Do you really hate someone if you have to write a post it note to remind yourself to hate them?"
-taken from an excerpt of The Life & Times of April

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
its hard to compare apples and oranges... especially when you're surrounded by lemons

Monday, September 13, 2004
the plant is dying.
i can water it no more.
i am done.

Friday, September 10, 2004
i call it mental tennis and im ready to volley at any time

Thursday, September 9, 2004
hate & sadness are an easy way out

Wednesday, September 8, 2004
I choose my company
by the beating of their hearts
Not the swelling of their heads

Tuesday, September 7, 2004
don't waste your time waiting for perfect timing

Thursday, September 2, 2004
It sucks trying to take chicken shit and turn it into chicken salad

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!! -thanks linda ur awesome. <3

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

Monday, August 30, 2004
If you vote for me I can make your wildest dreams come true.

Sunday, August 29, 2004
i see you're drinking 1% milk. do you think you're FAT? cuz you aren't. you could be drinking whole milk.

Monday, August 23, 2004
I need to do my laundry... reeeeeeely bad. its been a month and im just now running outta chonies... I just hate thinking about my undies jostling around with old men watching in the laundry room. :shibbies:

Sunday, August 22, 2004
its like i always wanted to speed onto the next phase in my life but now its getting to a point where i i wanna wind back the clocks

Thursday, August 19, 2004
I'd rather forget the days we spent
than try to stay afloat in shallow water.

Monday, August 16, 2004
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
and i never felt alone... till i met you.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I breath by your looks but you look right through me

Monday, August 9, 2004
with great success comes great responsibility

Wednesday, August 4, 2004
Australian: Im not going to “piss in your pocket” = American: im not going to blow smoke up your ass.

Monday, August 2, 2004
Hope is a woman’s worst enemy