Wednesday, December 29, 2004
my hair is now 94% black and i have bangs. whoa. i gotta get used to this.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I think true love is just a requitted obsession

Sunday, December 26, 2004
geez i wish i was eating fresh dumplings

Thursday, December 23, 2004
loose lips sink ships

Monday, December 20, 2004
twiddling my thumbs, hanging from a string.
i hate waiting for the worst to happen.

Sunday, December 19, 2004
keane-sunshine
I hold you in cupped hands
And shield you from a storm
Where only some dumb idiot
Would let you go

Saturday, December 18, 2004
oceans 12. fabulous movie.
confusion is the best weapon.

Friday, December 17, 2004
I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love

Thursday, December 16, 2004
i hate the web. i hate how you have easy access to happiness but you're just one click away from disappointment.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I think about you, some.
Insulate a fragile mind.
Capsulize a broken find.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
head automatica - dance party plus
'A thousand acts of thoughtlessness'

Monday, December 13, 2004
bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity

Saturday, December 11, 2004
damn you've got some wicked style

Friday, December 10, 2004
It hurts me to see people I care about in pain.

Girls can be absolutely inconsiderate creatures. Boys too for that matter. But in this case its girls or maybe just one girl in particular. It’s absolutely horrible to think that people can just take other people for granted on all levels. Not just once but TWICE. Yup 2 times. You just put so much of yourself out there to do some good in this world only to get shafted in the end. its so true how they say you don’t know what you have until its gone. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how life would be like if people could actually open their eyes and realize what they do have in front of them? yah in a perfect world right? Then you gotta think.. ok if it happened once it might happen again but there’s always the excuse “BUT there’s something about them..” blah blah blah <puke>.. that inkling of hope that makes you hold on and wanna try .. then when you do you just walk back into the nightmare setting yourself up for disappointment or like my friend would say… “wake up naked next to an air conditioner on full blast in a broke down roach infested empty apartment.” No matter what people try to tell you it all doesn’t seem to matter because you can only get over it by yourself.

There are two things I learned this year.
1) You can’t change other people.
2) You can’t change yourself.

You can’t change other people because no matter how they try to front in the first cloud nine period their true colors will soon wash out the sunshine and the diabolical ogre will appear. It’s just a matter if you can live with that ogre or not.

You can’t change yourself because you are who you are. Everything that you have gone through in life has all played a role in how you react to situations now. If you’ve been shafted in the past there is no doubt there will be a super barrier up around you. Then there are the people out there that are just WAY TOO NICE. Yup you know who you are. You bend over backwards for someone else, give them the world, give them all your attention, take care of them, care about their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and all that other mushy bullshit and they just don’t see it until its gone. Why do nice guys always finish last? Why do girls like the bad boys? And why do guys like the naughty girls? I could go on and on about this irony but time is ticking and its almost beer o’ clock. I commend the founder of beer. [high five]

p.s. have fun in china guys! dont come back all married with 3 fobby wives with no teeth k.

thomas you sneaky devil with awesome hair... thanks for my early xmas present.
you are sooo incredibly on point you get 2 gold stars and a birthday cake!

Thursday, December 9, 2004
So my friend got engaged today. Absolutely brilliant the way he planned it. He is amazing. I would burst into tears had I been proposed to the way he did. Congratulations. You both deserve the best in life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG JIM. you are one incredible person.

Tuesday, December 7, 2004
i wish i was a kobe beef cow
so i could be massaged with sake and
fed a daily diet of large amounts of beer.

Monday, December 6, 2004
Flowers are beautiful
“hang in there! behind every dark cloud, the sun is waiting to shine”

Sunday, December 5, 2004
painted my bedroom wall purple. my cave is almost complete.

Saturday, December 4, 2004
5:45am thought i'd share some good songs

go betty go - c'mon
rilo kiley - portion of foxes
the stills - still in love song
elefant - misfit
jet - look what you've done
the von bondies - c'mon c'mon
chromeo - mercury tears
snow patrol - spitting games
ambulance ltd - primitive
freezepop - plastic stars
elastica - blue
imarobot - dynomite

tism - everyone else has had more sex than me

Saturday, December 4, 2004
paul frank friends & family shopping woohoo. what better way to shop than going direct to the source. then off to sole tech for etnies and next a stop at hurley. there was also obey and ezekiel today. thats one thing i cant complain about the county of orange.. all the main offices are within 5 minutes of eachother.

clothes are definitely my kryptonite.

friday, December 3, 2004
sucky work day.
i want out.

dl:
taking back sunday - a decade under the influence
the libertines - can't stand me now
tsunami bomb - roundabout

Thursday, December 2, 2004
there must be something in the air
10,000 miles away was 10,000 miles too far
i feel rejuvenated

Wednesday, December 1, 2004
by far the best pickup lines.

b : can i have a picture of you?
g : why?
b : so I can show santa what I want for christmas!

im gonna treat you like a temple
and worship you
for the best 3 minutes of your entire life

Wednesday, December 1, 2004
songs on fatal repeat on my winamp and at work:
head automatica - the razor
mellowdrone - the worst song ever
keane - somewhere only we know
the sounds - dance with me


so many suitors i dont even have a suit to wear.
i'm the razor in the hands of your heart.

Saturday, November 27, 2004
Talented mr ripley. Strange, twisted and diabolical.. but wow jude law naked in the bathroom scene. Cant go wrong with that.

Friday, November 26, 2004
so i decided to quit my job, move to vegas and become a professional mud wrestler on the weekdays and a bikini bull rider on the weekends.

Thursday, November 25, 2004
i'm not down with the sixth toe thing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
To each their own.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004
"If you’re dressed like a package going across the U.S. you aint gonna get none." -the wise big jim

Monday, November 22, 2004
"...it's an undeniable twinge" -jude law in alfie.

Sunday, November 21, 2004
426am. House warming #6,789 since I move so much… Good times.
Only .03 on the breathalyzer.

508am nothing better than top rawmen after a long night to make the tummy happy.
Watched mtv while eating. ODB rest in peace

Recap of tonights events. Went to simi valley for jamie’s bday dinner. It was good seeing him I miss him bunches. Wish we could be young again and he could sit 2 seats away from me in a movie theater or we could go to the NSYNC concerts and blast Back Street Boys. 536-637. next cruised to shark club and met up for david’s bday. Bought him a drinkaroo and hadda peace out back to home base where Kasidi was lighting it up on fire. He was absolutely hilarious in his belligerent state. Gotta love the roomie!

533am Im pooped. Good night.

Wednesday, November 18, 2004
So im leaving LAX and I pull up to the gate to pay for my parking and my car starts smoking. Not just a little puff of smoke though im talking straight early 80’s big hair band rock concert smoke where you cant see the lead singer in the midst of the clouds. So I pull over to the side and call triple A. tow truck comes about an hour later and homey with a mullet and a tail with one curl comes out and straps my car onto his gig. I had to get towed all the way back to simi valley. Mind you im in the tow truck now sitting next to the driver who is named Tango… ya…he’s creole… ya… so anyways we’re merging onto the freeway and he starts getting crazy LA driver on me and totally rolls down my window and starts cursing and yelling obscenities to the car that is trying to merge in next to us. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he started talking to me about life and dating etc. asking why I don’t have a boyfriend and how he has some cousins that he wanted to hook me up with. So im thinking.. Seriously.. are you kidding me right now? Then I try to make light of the conversation and ask him about his kids.. he tells me he has 5 kids from 4 different women and his wife right now is pregnant with his first child with her.. so counting the apples and oranges, that makes 6 kids from 5 different women. WOW.

Saturday, November 13, 2004
Its not the destination it’s the journey.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

thanks to a very talented artist.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Its only drama if you put up with it.

Monday, November 8, 2004
Alone
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov’d, I lov’d alone.
Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that ‘round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

-Edgar Allan Poe

Sunday, November 7, 2004
So ive had a lot of time to think lately. I went to a funeral on Friday. It really opened up my eyes. Made me think about how we don’t know how long we all have here on this earth… and its funny how we get so wrapped up in our busy lives that its easy to forget the people that mean most to us. Someone told me one time that its ironic how people will spend so much money on their boy/girl friends but when it comes to their siblings or their parents they hold back. You can deny that statement as much as you want but you know its true. But its not just money because money comes and goes. Its time. Time to give them a call randomly just to say hi or that quick email to brighten their day.

I am a victim of that busy life. Being trapped in the county of Orange.. (because I refuse to say im from the OC yuck) I seem to have misplaced my priorities and in turn have just surrounded myself with people and things that have only prove to bring me down. Why do humans do that? When we know something is not good for us we do it more. There are all kinds of bad things out there that people just keep running back to… smoking, drinking.. love.. a quick blink of high and poof its gone.

Its amazing how the world works. you do so much for something or someone only to be left with nothing in the end. Very unfulfilling. That is the word that can best describe the way ive been feeling for the past year. Unfulfilled. Like you’ve given all you got and you cant just keep truckin cuz the truck ran out of gas. Its easy for other people to say move on but it is without a doubt self inflicted misery. So when do we know when to just stop and let it go?

Well I may not have figured out an answer but I know where to start… and that’s #1-remember where you came from. It was so good stepping out of my house in simi vally and looking up at the bright stars in the sky. I forgot that there were stars after living in the light polluted city of Irvine for more almost 7 years now. And theres something about the fresh clean smell of nature that you just cant get anywhere but simi. The hills are my backyard. You can hear crickets when you go to sleep and coyotes in the middle of the night. I miss that. I miss waking up at 6am to get ready for my zero period class and seeing the morning dew on my car and the fog on Fitzgerald street. It was really good seeing some of my old friends on Friday despite the circumstances. I am a definite believer that people come into your life for a purpose. “There is a reason for everything.” Even when someone horrible crosses your path there was a distinct intention for your encounter. And as much as it may suck its all part of the grand scheme of things.

Ive only truly hated one person in my entire life.. and even then if that person was to one day come up to me and apologize for the pain that they’ve caused me I would give no second thought in forgiving them. sure there have been many people both past and present that have made me sad beyond belief but again it all has a rhyme and reason. Maybe it was for me to grow stronger as an individual or maybe it was me to change their life in someway.

In any case, if you’re reading this and you know me, I just want to say thank you for being you and being a part of my life. I hope I have made some sort of a footprint in your life.

Saturday, November 6, 2004
Saves the Day - Freakish
I'll make my way across the frozen sea, beyond the blank horizon,
where I can forget you and me and get a decent night's sleep.

Friday, November 5, 2004
we part in life only to meet again

Wednesday, November 3, 2004
negotiations 101: he who makes the first move is usually in a weaker position

Monday, November 1, 2004
for a split second i let my guard down..

Thursday, October 28, 2004
The Shins - New Slang
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set...
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004
"Error on the side of action"

its just that when you act upon your feelings you are afraid of getting hurt.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004
why is it that you always want what you can't have?

Sunday,October 24, 2004
I miss going to target and having someone tell you not to buy something cuz you really dont need it
I miss reading cookbooks and trying to cook something i've never tried before
i miss having friends invite me to dinner and when i reply it's an rsvp of eileen plus one
I miss doing laundry with someone
i miss snuggling on the couch while watching a cheesy dvd from blockbuster
I miss having someone know my wildest dreams and know my inner most fears
I miss those random phone calls just to say hello
I miss holding hands
I miss having someone understand me
i miss the kiss right before you go to sleep and the one that wakes you up in the morning

Saturday, October 23, 2004
Tonight (or should i say this early morning 5:38am) I am officially, hands down the biggest pimp. Not only did I touch nice, soft, BIG, real boobies, the blond hottie of a stripper that was working me like I was Ashton Kutcher jocked down my number on her celly. wait, thats not all folks... when we were driving home she called me and wanted to "hang out" rrraaAaaaaRrrr tiger. i think that naughty freakiedeakie gave me a hickey.

Let's have a poll..

p.s. She asked if I lived alone.. and she only lives in Lake Forest.. about 10 mins away from me.. but hey dont let that little tidbit of knowledge affect your decision!

Friday, October 22, 2004
Papa Roach-Scars
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much

Thursday, October 21, 2004
Killers-Smile Like You Mean It
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly

Sunday, October 17, 2004
Sugar shack. Yum
Got to see my mommy. Yey
Got to see my friends. Wahooo
Hooters. Cant go wrong with boobies.

Saturday, October 16, 2004
Ok picture this. A room full of twelve teens, a lot of hair product in full effect, tight (and boy do I mean tight) shirts, and to top it off J LO jeans on an emo lookin guy. I think that did it for me. chain reaction must be the place to BE if you are under 21. I was in the bathroom waiting to tinkle and I overheard 2 girls talking about how hard their U.S. Government class was and how they’re parents we’re gonna pick them up after the show. How incredibly cute is that. I remember being in high school :sigh: with the curfew and stressing over miniscule issues like what I’m going to wear tomorrow and what cute guy I’m crushing on at the moment. Head Automatic rocked though. ‘Beating Hearts’ is a super fantabulistic song and it was even more outstanding to hear it live.

new word: FLASH GORDON’s – emo looking people that are just trying way too hard to be rockstar status.

Dinner before the show was strange but fun. If you haven’t been to Chris n Pitts bbq in Anaheim it is a definite must. You cant miss it on Euclid off the 5. it’s the place with the big, bright, old school las vegas lookin sign. It was like a different world in there straight out of movie where you’re driving down Route 66 in the middle of nowhere and just like an oasis a sign pulls you in to feed your hungry tummy. Shirley our waitress (yah seriously can that be the pinnacle of waitress names or what) looked like one of those old white ladies that probably has been working there all her life and owns a lot of cats and would smoke even if she had a hole in her throat. The guy next to us said he had been eating there since before he could even drink alcohol and he was all about the ribs and chicken combo.

In the sea of black chuck tailors, saucony, addidas, designer jeans, and volcom (blah hehe) the highlight of the night was the good company and the one awesome song…

Whenever you call me, ill be there..
whenever you need me I’ll be there..
I’ll be around.

Friday, October 15, 2004
So im all ready to go and my friggin garage door would not open. Its as if the garage was staring straight at me going “neener neener neener.. you cant get your car..” saw a whole lotta people at level 3. I was quite surprised and stoked that people were able to come out. Didn’t get as smashed as I thought I would which is a good thing.. I don’t think my stomach can handle throwing up like it was my 21st bday anymore. So if you’re reading this and you came on Friday you get a big smooshy hug from me next time I see you.

Thursday, October 14, 2004
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
dL: Altered Images - Happy Birthday

Tuesday, October 12, 2004
1 more day. ugh.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004
im tired. very tired. and i think im getting sick. ive been sleeping on the floor since i havent had time to buy a bed yet and my back is killin. i slept with the windows wide open and i think the draft kicked up in the middle of the night leaving me with a horrid drippy nose and scratchy throat. to top it off i leave for vegas today right after work. no its not a "im gonna go rage in the city of sin and see lots of naked girls gettin their booty on at clubs named after inanimate objects...." its a "im going to a convention for bikes." woohoo please stop me i think the excitement is shooting out of my ears. but wait it gets better.. its not just 1 day or 2 days.. not even 3.. i wont be back until sunday. wooowiezowie, 6 days. i havent even packed yet since im still trying to figure out which bag my undies are in. geepers i need 36 hours in a day.

Monday, October 4, 2004
a stranger asked me if i needed help yesterday when i was carrying clothes from my car to my new apartment. its funny how a stranger could be so willing to help out but people that are closest to me probably dont even know im moving.

Sunday, October 3, 2004
"I'm the yellow cab company.. and you're not getting a ride" -thomas moon

Monday, September 28, 2004
So im moving again. Yup again. Every 6 months I swear.. I shouldn’t even unpack my things since I move so much. For some reason though I think this time around is going to be really good for me. things are looking a little more bright lately. Im not being so hard on myself. Even though work kills me and I feel like im turning mid life crisis over night because of the stress that consumes me at work, I go home and I think about how lucky I am to have gotten this far at such a young age. As I was cleaning out my closets I came across a lot of my old college papers and exams and as I was reading over them I thought to myself ‘damn I cant believe I graduated.’

A lot of old friends have been calling out of the blue lately too which makes me smile from ear to ear. Its sad to think about how distant we’ve all gotten and how busy we’ve become in our own lives but its always nice to hear that familiar voice on the other line calling up just to say hi and check up on me.

So if you haven’t watched the movie Amelie you really need to. Its an awesome movie. She reminds me of me, always trying to make everyone else happy.. then forgetting that you have to start at the source.

Monday, September 20, 2004
"talk about heartbreak hotel.. no more trolls" -stevie dazzle

Sunday, September 19, 2004
being a good friend is calling someone to listen not to vent.

Thursday, September 16, 2004
You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Til all you had spilled over

Now everything's so far away
That you don't know
Where you are
Who you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it's hard to be yourself
It's not to be someone else
Still everything's so far away
That you forget who you are

Wednesday, September 15, 2004
"Do you really hate someone if you have to write a post it note to remind yourself to hate them?"
-taken from an excerpt of The Life & Times of April

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
its hard to compare apples and oranges... especially when you're surrounded by lemons

Monday, September 13, 2004
the plant is dying.
i can water it no more.
i am done.

Friday, September 10, 2004
i call it mental tennis and im ready to volley at any time

Thursday, September 9, 2004
hate & sadness are an easy way out

Wednesday, September 8, 2004
I choose my company
by the beating of their hearts
Not the swelling of their heads

Tuesday, September 7, 2004
don't waste your time waiting for perfect timing

Thursday, September 2, 2004
It sucks trying to take chicken shit and turn it into chicken salad

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
NEVER HAVE REGRETS!!!! -thanks linda ur awesome. <3

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

Monday, August 30, 2004
If you vote for me I can make your wildest dreams come true.

Sunday, August 29, 2004
i see you're drinking 1% milk. do you think you're FAT? cuz you aren't. you could be drinking whole milk.

Monday, August 23, 2004
I need to do my laundry... reeeeeeely bad. its been a month and im just now running outta chonies... I just hate thinking about my undies jostling around with old men watching in the laundry room. :shibbies:

Sunday, August 22, 2004
its like i always wanted to speed onto the next phase in my life but now its getting to a point where i i wanna wind back the clocks

Thursday, August 19, 2004
I'd rather forget the days we spent
than try to stay afloat in shallow water.

Monday, August 16, 2004
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
and i never felt alone... till i met you.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I breath by your looks but you look right through me

Monday, August 9, 2004
with great success comes great responsibility

Wednesday, August 4, 2004
Australian: Im not going to “piss in your pocket” = American: im not going to blow smoke up your ass.

Monday, August 2, 2004
Hope is a woman’s worst enemy

Sunday, August 1, 2004
it's times like this where you gotta keep telling yourself "keep truckin"

Saturday, July 31, 2004
Wow so its been a while since ive written in this thing but for some reason I feel compelled to share my inner most thoughts with the world wide web.

Ive finally figured out something I have pondered before.

My worst fear is ‘myself’.

Its not the fear of being alone, isolated, abandoned etc.. its more like its hard for me to face up to myself and make decisions on my own. And the worst part is that everyone views me as this independent, intense girl when that’s really just me trying to run away from myself and occupy my time to the last second before I go to sleep just so I don’t have to think abou life and how sucky it has been lately. Yep I know whoever is reading this is saying .. “oh cry me a river” but seriously when you live alone and don’t have any close friends within a 40 mile radius things can get a little gnarly in your noggin with no one to talk to.

Ive noticed, and have been told many times, that when the going gets rough I run and hide. I guess that’s just the way ive always been to avoid getting hurt and feeling pain. I try to make things work but theres only so much that one can do until they cant try anymore and they get run down. I always just go with the flow. What seems right or makes me happy at that moment in time when I sometimes forget that that happiness is sometimes, actually most of the time, superficial. It’s the “happy for now” until the happiness fades and then its back to just eileen looking at herself in the mirror trying to figure out who she is again. Its happened so many times now I cant figure out what the heck im doing or who the heck I am. There have been so many phases in my life where I think that I could never imagine my life any other way or never get over anything but I somehow manage to get through it. Your twenties are honestly a roller coaster because it’s the bridge that divides the party life with the have to be responsible life. It sucks when you’re standing right in the middle of the bridge seeing the people on one side with no worries just living each day to the fullest and the other side where people are making life changing decisions such as marriage, kids, buying a house blah blah blah. I always used to think.. I’m still young. But then again am I? thinking back I remember telling myself that I wanted to be married by the time I’m 25, have a house by the time im 26, have my first kid at 27 with another at 29 and my last at 31. yup 3 kids. All boys. Taylor, Tyler, and Gavin. Pretty intense if you think about it that ive had my life planned for awhile but it seems like the choices I have made aren’t going to pan out as I had foreseen.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
[sent from an orange chicken]

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Monday, July 19, 2004
Mondays = suckydays
go fuck a duck

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I am in love.

with
doug
robb

lead singer of
hoobastank
oh my jellybeans
he is hot tamales

and hes a halfer wootwoot

Sunday, July 4, 2004
"you should mean a lot to yourself.." -annie

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Its like sitting on the swings with someone and saying nothing at all.. but feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve ever had in your entire life.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004
when does the art of compromise become compromising?

Monday, June 14, 2004
a pixel does make a difference

Thursday, June 10, 2004
and im spent...

i finally feel like all these years that i have worked so hard have amounted to absolutely nothing.

words from my very wise ninang:
"Don't torment yourself so much by always searching for that "thing" in life. It will come in its own time. You are always so hard on yourself that sometimes I think you don't stop to think how good your life is right now. Remember how you were before.. At least you can look back now and say that you've made some decisions and are no longer stuck in the same rutt so you have already set the wheels of change in motion.

The future is such an unknown which is frustrating but also exhilerating at the same time. In the overall scheme of things, life really is short...we just make it seem long by not enjoying the journey. In my own life one thing I've come to realize is that we are so engrossed in having what we want that we do not want what we already have. Enjoy your life at this moment Munchkin. Who cares what everyone else is doing or has or is. Focusing on what is just beyond your grasp will only make you miss your life....and you can never get it back."

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Woodchuck to grey squirrel .. the eagle has landed. Rendezvous at roosters nest at 2000 hours
Woodchuck out

Agent Nerbol,
affirmative, eta locked in at 2000 hours. prompt and proper reception of big bro is mandatory. neglect to do so will result in a fine of gluteal punishment. significant other will be accompanying the big bro. confirm with big bro's colleagues to synchronize the rendeveuz destination. tabs out.
The General

Monday, May 17, 2004
http://media.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2180/hey_grandmaaa.swf

Thursday, May 13, 2004
songs you really really need to download:
Modest Mouse - Float On
Le tigre - my my metrocard
paffendorf - crazy sexy marvellous
Morrissey - suedehead
Heavenly - c is the heavenly option
Flin flon - black bear
the movies - scary footsteps
true love always - windows fade
rainer maria - artificial light
my morning jacket -
daniel johnston - impossible love
superchunk - hyper enough
the decemberists - the legionnaire's lament
the softies - just a day
the apples in stereo - strem running over
the lucksmiths - i prefer the twentieth century
the lucksmiths - english murder mystery
the lucksmiths - the golden age of aviation
modest mouse - fail on
omar goodness - canadian girls
the dismemberment plan - gyroscope
Barcelona - everything makes me think about sex
Sadie - Each thing (Kills the man who loves it)
lush - single girl
le tigre - deceptacon
true love always - windows fade
the shins - know your onion
the shins - so says i
the apples in stereo - stream running over
bettie serveert - re-feel-it
young marble giants - brand new life
the lucksmiths - camera shy
dear nora - since you went away
marine reserach - parallel horizontal
unrest - winona ryder
billy bragg - the short answer
the apples in stereo - look awaybilly bragg - a new england
desiderio - starlight
heavenly - c is the heavenly option
the apples in stereo - look away
saves the day - my sweet fracture

Monday, May 10, 2004
(An excerpt from a very funny interoffice memo)

It only takes three words to describe the VIP area . . . sluts, sluts and sluts (oh and date-rapists I guess that¹s four words). There were basically three variations of Œthe slut¹ at Ivar on Saturday.

-The first was Œthe slut¹ that grinded her body against a dude. In this case it¹s obvious that it takes much more work to be a slut than to be a dude dancing with a slut, because the dude just has to stand there and look at the girls butt.

-The second was Œthe slut¹ that grinded her body against a poll/wall/ or any inanimate object. These girls are serious. In this case there is no dude required. I have to commend the Œcut out the middle man¹ kind of attitude these ladies posses. It¹s this kind of self-starter, Œdo it yourself¹ ethic that makes America what it is.

-The third was Œthe slut¹ that grinded her body against another slut. This one can be a little tricky. I¹m not sure if this is a last resort for Œthe slut¹ or if it¹s how Œthe slut¹ gets warmed-up to grind her body against the other two aforementioned objects. However, one thing is for sure, this was the most abundant species of Œthe slut¹ at Ivar.

Friday, May 7, 2004
"Every once in a while i have these little outbursts. i guess its like trying to shove mayo in a bag continuously and eventually the bag breaks and you have to get a new one."

Tuesday, May 4, 2004
Wise words that came to me in passing:
Do not worry yourself about yesterday at the expense of tomorrow.

Monday, May 3, 2004
my artist bio for the Symbiosis show:

I am but a mere thespian playing the role of Eileen Szymanski.

Often personifying different characters in altered roles, the premise of my work entails discovery and reinvention. Reinvention of the idea of oneself as well as the physical embodiment of oneself in a society where we are unconditionally influenced by media and industry trends. We, as consumers, are forced to subjugate ourselves to design and fashion that is in fact predetermined three to four seasons before the tangible productions ever hit the retail channel. My objective is to experiment in the discovery of oneself beneath this charade of layered disguise. Bounded by an industry where I answer to the bidding of the masses, I participate in producing products that ironically have contributed to my insecurities and my now innate ability to overcompensate for characteristics that I have made myself believe I lack or are deficient in. The entirety of this pretense is to concentrate on the realization and avoidance of these deep rooted societal inflictions; to become a fugitive from the misconceptions of societal acceptance: the improbable ‘abandonment’ of commercialism.

Sunday, May 2, 2004
no myspace, no aim, no drinkin, no clubbing, no coke, cell phone went capoot, lost all my phone #s, wow i think im making progress in officially disappearing into my cave.

Thursday, April 23, 2004
my mind’s in decay
I’m all alone
thinking of days gone by

Wednesday, April 22, 2004
swallowed in gnawing darkness

Monday, April 19, 2004
if life is shitty, flush the toilet

Friday, April 16, 2004
epiphany. subtracting irrelevance.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
I’m tangled up in you
----------------------

ok this is pretty funny. a girl said "holla" to me. jigga wha?! read it read it:

"you are so super duper outrageously phenomenal extraordinaringly divine charismatic and intriguing hilariously witty charming and intellectually tender and cool sweet as sugar and alluring and fine!!

*big cheesy smiLe*

hello sweetie... just wanted to drop in and say

"HEY! I LIKEY WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE PLACE"

ok... i've said it... ciao!

*w!Nks*

hehehe

S/F iso S/F: "i have zero girlfriends.. its so hard for some reason for me to make friends that are girls.. boo. so if you know any hook me up yah!"

SF reply: ((grabs eileen by the hair...)) lOOk! i'm right here! HOLLA atcha guRL... hehehe!!!

Tuesday, April 13 , 2004
i will have to toink you on the head for bein a dorks

Saturday, April 11, 2004
seriously this stuff is no joke... myspace msg i got yesterday as follows:

(gurl it's ur love)
when i'm on the road, heading home
calling me
telling me
that i'm ur ROMEO
how much i miss u so
i dont know how much it will be
cuzz i'm missing u
i'm wanting u
and i wanna really wanna talk to u
ooh no i left my cell phone
at home
still sitting on the charger
and i really wanna call yea
causin jay let me use ur phone
gotta call my baby at home
let her know how much she means to meeeee

cuzz it's uuurrr love
and ur my angel
and uuurrr love
capture my heart guuuurrl
cuzz uuurrr my e-v-e-y-t-h-i-n-g
anything u need i will offer
anything i have i will offer

cuzz it's uuurrr love
and ur my angel
and uuurrr love
capture my heart guuuurrl
cuzz uuurrr my e-v-e-y-t-h-i-n-g
anything u need i will offer
anything i have i will offer

Wednesday, April 8, 2004
happy is overrated
l ove evo l

Tuesday, April 7, 2004
rvca walk through today was awesome. got hooked up on some phat gear.. sorry peeps my size only. boyd is awesomenesss.. and its even more super rad that he was an aquabat. yup yup "pool party, my house.. eight o'clock yaaaaHhhhhh" cat boy to be exact. so go out and buy the aquabats cd. classic ska at its finest. aww brings back so many memories of high school and working at bugle boy corporate. "excuse me, are those bugle boy jeans you're wearing". funny how they played it off to be some big american red white and blue brand and it was owned by a chinese dood and his gold diggin young wife. cant forget to thank big jim though. without him a lot of things in my life would not have been possible. especially introducing me to the surf, skate, snow industry when i was a young little tadpole in art school. i owe it all to him. i could only hope to one day follow in his almighty design footsteps. he is on some way gnarly level of his own. speaking of gnarly i got a new word.. "gnar-dog" got this from the surf team manager at work. he is so surfer dude its not even funny. its awesome hearing him on the phone talking to his "brrrraws" its comedy. then theres the CEO who is apparently Mr. OC. if you ever come and visit me at my work, I'll introduce you and you can see for yourself he's straight up Newport. getting used to this new lifestyle is pretty strange. im still on eileen insomniac sleeping hours so i end up getting negative hours of sleep.. right after lunch i get into major food coma because of my wacked out sleeping times. since im handling all accounts payable and receivable i go to the bank 2-3 times a week to deposit and expedite account reconciliations and its in the ghetto's of santa ana. boo santa ana. thats where i got in my car accident. i am in no way being racial when i make this comment but dude.. if i'm walking towards Bank of America NO i do not want a churro, NO i do not want fruit, NO i do not want a bouquet of roses, and NO i do not want to hear you whistling at me from your construction or maintenance vehicle. ewww. i swear one of these days i might go postal if i hear another guy yelling "hey white girl.. hey white girl.. "

Monday, April 5 , 2004
: so if this is ur rock bottom, then there's only one way to go
: which is up
: and when u find who u are and know what u want
: you'll be good to go

Sunday, April 4, 2004
i am super allergic to horses. =P why do they have to kick up horse particles all over the place and drool and poop a lot.

Saturday, April 5, 2004
fortune cookie says:
if clubbing in hollywood sucks ass, buy hotdog.
brings smile to face.

Friday, April 2, 2004
I like biting into popsicles

Thursday, April 1, 2004
"There is a reason I can get into any car in the world and I can drive it is .... With maturity, functionality wins."

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
vul·ner·a·ble ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vlnr--bl) adj. - susceptible to emotional injury

Tuesday, March 30, 2004
i got into a car accident today.

"i don't see myself in your eyes anymore"

Sunday, March 28, 2004
okay seriously. this is by FAR the funniest one ive gotten. check this:

Question 4 ya

``hey, whats up? My name is Houston Bernard I do Bi Porno electro Punk Rap (PA). Im from Brooklyn, NYC

The reason that I am writing is because I thought u might know some clubs near u that have performers.

I am planning a tour near u. So, if U know any electro, punk, gay, goth, Art, fetish, hip hop or dance clubs please clue me in.

And the local kule magaznes. E zines or Newspapers. Vintage cloth stores or Indie records stores

If u have any leads I would really appreciate them.

U can hear my music at www.HoustonBernard.com
With songs like ‘Lick, Suck, Dick, Fuck’ and ‘Whores Have More Fun’
if U like it send me ur email address and Ill put u on my shiit list...lol

music is in the DJ Lounge along with acapellas

thanx either way,
HoustonBernard

Saturday, March 27, 2004
i moved today! wow im a big kid now. i cant believe i have my own place. this is so rad. i can walk around necked. pee with the bathroom door open. etc etc this is sweet.
had fun at joya. got to see some old friends. had some bathroom bonding with dee. she is such a fun girl. i might have to steal her from my big bro. [muahahah evil laugh]

foreal. does it say 'write me cheesy shit' on my myspace profile? check this one out:

gurl its u
its hard it may seem
I'm tired hiding all my hopes and dreams
gurl its no other way
and no wait another day
that could feel ur lips

gurl its u
that i've been wanting all my life
gurl u know that its right
when i look into ur eyes i knew
that i gave my heart to u
gurl its u

Wednesday, March 24, 2004
my hair got murdered today! how come when you say cut off only one inch they get gnarly on you and cut off 4 inches??? and all this while being tortured to 3 hrs of celine dion on repeat. could this experience get any worse?

-aww yeah break it down marvin gaye-
I used to go out to parties
And stand around
'Cause I was too nervous
To really get down
And my body yearned to be free
So I got up on the floor and found
Someone to choose me
No more standin' along the side walls
Now I've got myself together, baby
And I'm havin' a ball
Long as you prove it
There's always a chance
Somebody watches
I'm gonna make romance
With your body, ooo baby, you dance all night
Get down and prove it, feel all right

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
So those of you who know me well know that i am an extremely busy person and i am incredibly difficult to get a hold of... when i stop and think about it, i don't think i've ever been more busy than i am right now. i wish i could just run far far away and sleep for a very very long time.

Thursday, March 18, 2004
geepers my phone was ringing off the hook today, i felt like a rockstar. i was so so so busy today. but then again arent i so so so busy everyday. and why is it that i always tend to write my blurbs at 5:45am while the sun is making its way up to shine light on all the drones that are making their way to their cubicles to sit in their office spaces and make pretty little homes. lol. k if you didnt get that then you havent heard the song: the faint - agenda suicide. dl it .. kinda hardcore but divine lyrics. thanks gee for the recommendation!

got to talk to my two bestest girl buddies in the universe today. april and jinny. 3m woowoo. strange its almost as if the planets aligned and we all metaphysically scheduled today to be reunion day on the telephones. k reading that sentence i just wrote kinda makes me one of 2 things 1) major fobber or 2) brain functionality is in the negative scale at this hour. ay nako naman. maybe both.

went back to simi valley again. it was deng phar. i never realized what a toll driving takes on you. but hey at least i got my mp3 player to listen to now.. aww yeah. k need to pack for ny. so if there be no blurbs this weekend i apologize. ill be sure to keep your eyes entertained with my rants and raves when i get back.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004
i don’t think anything can possibly push my buttons more than someone calling me “elaine”. seriously.. i know the name eileen can be kinda tricky to say sometimes but sheesh. ive heard it one too many times. c’mon its eileen! boy that was corny.

so today, or should i say yesterday, was pretty productive. i got my new mp3 car stereo installed.. for the 2nd time. if you haven’t been keeping up with my blurbs it was stolen in the fabulous city of chino hills. the guy at best buy remembered installing my other stereo too. after that i drove all over santa ana, tustin, costa mesa, and irvine, and finally found an apartment. i am so stoked to finally get my own place. i know im gonna be hurting big time on extraneous expenditures but hey.. whats more important.. a roof over your head or diesel jeans? (doh wait maybe i should rethink this whole thing. hehe) but the apartment is pretty neato skeato. it’s a one bedroom one bath with vaulted ceilings. pretty big and has a huge closet too cram the billions of clothes i have in. i still gotta figure out where to put my wall of shoes but i’ll cross that bridge when i get there. i move in next saturday, hopefully it all goes smoothly. i don’t have much crap to drag over there but it seems like everytime ive moved and i said that, i end up moving all day and all night. so if anyone has some big strong muscles and wants to help me out.. ring my bell yah! k its late.. i see the sun coming up. no more of this once i start working that’s for sure.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004
[ok. someone called me "champ" today. wow that's so eighties slyvester stalone rocky style.]

I'm sending you
telepathic, repetitious, subtle subliminal messages.
Is it working?
Have I quietly made you believe
I am everything that you need, indeed.
I mean what's not to love about me?
My insecurity, my arrogance, my dramatics.
Wait, rewind that’s not what I meant.
I mean what’s not to love about me?
My confidence, my intellect,
my soft juicy voluptuous lips,
I know you'll go crazy when I kiss your hips,
the way I use my tongue ring
to do those little tricks,
I won't get to specific,
because I already know
deep, deep, deep, inside of me,
I am indeed everything that you need.
And should you come to any other conclusion,
it's definitely due to your own confusion
because when I send you these
telepathic, repetitious,subtle, subliminal, messages
it's for your own good.
Because for a limited time only
I am offering you the amazing offer of
happiness with me.
Fully equipped with love and dedication,
Intellectual conversation,
and physical stimulation.
(Sorry cooking and cleaning is not included)
Offer is for a limited time so act NOW! NOW!
Now hear this my precious
I 'm sending you
telepathic, repetitious, subtle, subliminal messages.
Can you hear me?
Do you fear me?
I can't seem to captivate you for long,
a moment or two
and I think I've left an impression on you
Tell me what do I have to do
to leave a permanent imprint upon your soul?
Is this real?
The way that I feel,
or have I created my own private fairy tale
where you are my king.
I desire inspiration
yet, I can never seem to find a destination
and I am exhausted from continually repressing
Myself.
If I sit really pretty with out a sound
and raise my hand,
would you pick me?
I desperately want to stand out front
but I sit quietly,
with my arms at my side
and I let my opportunities pass me by.
Do I fear you?
Is that the real truth?
Have I been sabotaging my own bliss?
because these days
it seems like it's hit or miss.
And, I know how to pull you in,
and I know how to push you out,
pull you in,
push you out,
pull you in,
and push you out...
of my heart.
But for the record,
every time we part
I'm always thinking about you.
So if I say I'm a believer in destiny,
than I have to believe
if we are meant to be,
it will be.
But in the mean time
I'm going to continue sending you,
telepathic, repetitious, subtle, subliminal messages.
Hope you call on your higher consciousness,
that receives E.S.P
and helps you start to believe
that you love me,
love me,
love me,
do you? do you?
do you?
do
you
do,
you do!
You do...love me.

-thank you bridget gray-fully equiped
i couldnt have said it better myself

Monday, March 15, 2004
dude. i got a job. like a real one. the kind where you wake up monday morning and have to be in the office by 8am. i start next monday im so stoked. and if you find out where i work, no i will not hook your as$ up. now i just gotta find somewhere to live. after my interview i headed to simi and hung out with my moms today. it was awesome getting to chill with her cuz she was in a peachy mood. i love seeing her smile.. makes my day seriously. i love my mommy. bought a new car stereo. whippeedoodie. finally i can listen to mp3s in my car again. no more parking in chino hills thats for shure. hehe the show The OC is totally right on with saying that chino is ghetto. (i kid i kid randers) had dinner with my bro today gotta catch up on the life and times of Neil Christopher. marvin and jon met up with us at fridays. good times.. didnt even involve any beer. im serious. why dont you believe me? im not an alcoholic i swear sheesh.

quote for today: "do it do it"
(located on a sticker mysteriously found on my filing cabinet created from my label maker.)

Sunday, March 14, 2004
Chaque fois que tu ton va
Je pretend que tu fais bien

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

woohooooooooo! i just got season 6 of Friends thanks to my awesome friends Jay & Mai Linh! i cant wait to watch it.

Friday, March 12, 2004
i want to help you tie the shoelaces in your life

ate chinese food today my fortune reads: the near future holds a gift of contentment.
well hurry up near future.. you're taking too long!

dl: Single Frame Ashtray - The Slip
new band just signed by Volcom entertainment.. woohaw

Thursday, March 11, 2004
good meeting today.. [crossing fingers]

Starsky n Hutch - hilarious movie...
"turn around, arch your back, now look back at me like a mean dragon.. GRrrrRraAAaR"

dl: yellowcard - everywhere

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
only 21 days left till i figure out what the heck to do with my life. (blowing on a dandellion)
i wish i could just make up my mind sheeeeesh.

from the archives of old eileen emails::
Subj: *blegh*
Date: 9/26/00 3:50:44 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: AdoRaBLe52
To: [WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS for CONFIDENTIALITY PURPOSES] lol u kno who u are!]

the more i learn and experience, the harder it is to find my way out of this ball of confusion... i drown in a river of emotions i have never known before and plummet to the depths of my own madness. once i analyze the circumstances set before me, i start seeing the extreme complexities of the situation. everything in my small bubble of a world that once was seen only in black and white has now given birth to many shades of gray... i then realize that everything is not as crystal clear and simple as it once first appeared to be. the emotions are quite paralyzing and drain my existence. then i wonder if i was just rationalizing my unwillingness to accept the consequences and have them fade into the past, that closet of darkness that should never be reopened because the future of uncertainty lies ahead...

we are both victims that have been banished into the world of *blegh* "with nothing to turn to but a forbidden flickering candle of hope" ignited through friendship but which should be extinguished. yet this light chooses to withstand all the odds and cling to that *blegh* that is rooted deep within our souls...

from the depths of my soul, valleys of insanity, ocean of randomness, and mountains of my madness

yours truly
eileen

Tuesday, March 9, 2004
it's a luscious mix of words and tricks
that let us bet when you know we should fold
on rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped
and the whole mess of roads we're now on.

randomness that came out of my brain today: there's always more adventure in the unbeaten path

went to Soled Out tonight at Ivar. hellza people there all hippidee hoppeddeed out. shoes what an invention!

thanks to a homie with better hair than me.. [meow]
dL: Fischerspooner - Emerge

Monday, March 8, 2004
golly geepers gosh nabbit.. its hot up in HuuuuuuRRRRrrrrr.. temperature 89° @ 3pm today
Tk Burger for lunch in Newport... it was stellar !

for all you alls still in school.. some words of encouragement "C's get degrees!"

dL:The Shins - Caring is Creepy
i think i'll go home and mull this over
before i cram it down my throat
at long last it's crashed, the colossal mass
has broken up into bits in my moat.

Sunday, March 7, 2004
felt poopie this morning.. went to visit square blue gallery. there was some neato stuff there. then went to newport to check out this space that we're gonna show at in april or may. the chick that owns it was straight MILF status. she musta been crackin 35 but she was wearing ish that i wouldnt even wear clubbing. tig o bitties fo sho but they'd prolly hit bottom if the top came off. eww. she was super nice tho. k hadda throw that in. after ate at rainforest cafe and got my grub on. fried food yum. where would i be without sampler appetizer platters. house of blues for hazels bday it was neat. oh 50 first dates soundtrack.. gooood stuff. especially "WILL.I.AM and FERGIE - TRUE" if you dont know NOW ya kno so get it while its hot.

Thomas - awesssssome hair. i swear he looked like he walked outta a diesel ad today. madd style.. had to give him props.

new thomas lingo:
craybeau - crazy beautiful
fucktarded - self explanatory

****************
everything will be okay
in the end.

if its not okay,
it's not the end.
****************

Saturday, March 6, 2004
My liver my liver… blegh.. Livers not functioning correctly..

So Scottie brought up a good point today.. do I just drink socially? Or do I drink to get away from my problems? And if the latter of the two is true, then isn’t it just postponing the problems that I am one day going to have to face? maybe im just in denial.. <shudders> ackk.. too scary to think about.. i need a drink .. lol

House party. Good times. Cardboard covering the floors, two kegs in the backyard, and a house being so crowded that people bump into you and spill precious beer on your white shirt dammit.

White socks with the old school 80’s stripe on the top pulled all the way up to the knee. Thinking I would be super dorky eileen and be the only one sporting the 80s fad, low and behold another girl is wearing the same thing.. boooo.. not too original am I?

so i felt like a rockstar today. i had a groupie .. it was awesome. and she was a cute too. not too shabby..

why is no one on aim at 5:17 in the morning when you cant go to sleep. BLAH.

Friday, March 5, 2004
HAPPY BERFDAY DENNIS and my MOMMY!!

tunes for the day:
Res - Ice King
Lifehouse - Hanging By a Moment
Xscape - Who Can I Run To?

Once again another bit of comic relief from the databanks of my MYSPACE msgs...

<start>
Hello there Miss Eileen. Wow, some of your poses look like something from a high fashion shoot. But I know it would be an insult to call you a model. I mean from your profile, you seem to have the capacity to think for yourself. What is up with this import model craze we have these days. Anyhow, here is a funny experience I would like to share just for laughs:

My true encounter with a wannabe model one time at the Century Club:
Hey, how are ya doing?
…Oh, hi.
My name is Bom, and you are?
…I’m Shayla.
Say what?
…No not Shay-Wat, Shay-La.
Rrright, well Say-La, you look familiar. Do you work at South Coast?
…Oh no, but do you know what? I get that all the time because I’m a model, and I go to school at OCC.
Oh really, a model huh. So tell me, where have I seen you – on magazines, tv…
…Well, you might have seen me on one of those import car magazine. I am the one bending over next to that drop Honda. And oh, I was featured in a music video once.
Wow, how exciting.
…Oh yeah, if you get a chance to see me in it, you can even sing along with it too. It is one of those karaoke music videos. I am the one running down the beach.
Wow, very impressive. You must be racking up the doe.
…Well, I usually make a hundred dollars a photo shoot.
A hundred dollars! Surely that’s not enough to support your living and schooling.
…Oh I know, that’s why I work part time at Café………
Oh hey, there are my friends. I gots to go, nice to know ya, see-ya.
……… hey wait, it’s Shay-La, not See-Ya.
<end>

Thursday, March 4, 2004
big jim: "do you think you only run into your soulmate once in your life?"

eileen: "are you sure your suber?"
dennis: "i can drive, i'm saber i swear!"

Wednesday, March 3, 2004
25 signs that your ass has grown up :
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms andpregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that doesn't apply to you..........and can't find a single one to save your sorry old ass.

damnilocano (1:16:58 PM): It's almost as if God came down and said, "Let there be the best ever."

It is 4:37am and I am almost finished with this new site wahoo!

Tuesday, March 2, 2004
Tabs720 (4:33:09 PM): just like the ups commercial "what can brown do for you"

Tabs720 (3:54:11 PM): dpeau1 (3:47:26 PM): did tim tell you he yacked in my car
dpeau1 (3:47:31 PM): i meant scott
Tabs720 (3:47:34 PM): wtf lol
dpeau1 (3:47:45 PM): all over the back of my head and in my car
Tabs720 (3:54:16 PM): Tabs720 (3:47:47 PM): after denny's?
dpeau1 (3:47:50 PM): yup
Tabs720 (3:48:01 PM): are u joking?
dpeau1 (3:48:04 PM): nope
Tabs720 (3:48:07 PM): holy shit
Tabs720 (3:54:24 PM): dpeau1 (3:48:18 PM): he's payin me to get my car detailed
Tabs720 (3:48:18 PM): on your head?
dpeau1 (3:48:20 PM): yup
Tabs720 (3:48:24 PM): lol wtf
dpeau1 (3:48:30 PM): he was in the back seat
Tabs720 (3:54:37 PM): dpeau1 (3:48:51 PM): he says that he was sleepin and woke up throwing up so it was too late
Tabs720 (3:54:42 PM): dpeau1 (3:49:08 PM): It cost me 100 to get my car detailed
dpeau1 (3:49:23 PM): there was vomit all over the place
Tabs720 (3:54:48 PM): dpeau1 (3:49:35 PM): on my roof top... carpets... seats
Tabs720 (3:54:55 PM): dpeau1 (3:50:17 PM): he ended up sleepin at my pad that nite
Tabs720 (3:55:06 PM): oooooooh man scott got wasted lol
eileenerzz (3:55:13 PM): hehehehehe
eileenerzz (3:55:16 PM): oh siiiiiiiizzzz
Tabs720 (3:55:26 PM): all over dorian's new ride
eileenerzz (3:55:30 PM): that is so friggin hilarious

download:
Mr. Cheeks Ft Mario Winans - Crush On You *sooooper good tune
bangles - hazy shade of winter
omd - if you leave
nsync - makes me ill

Monday, March 1, 2004
Tabs720 (11:02:48 AM): like ur hairs es getting much maganda

Sunday, February 29, 2004 [LEAP YEAR!]
delevating: opposite of elevating.. in reference to when your ears start popping during a long drive

best fob pick up line i've ever heard in my entire 23 years of existence: "How's your name?"

after a wonderful family vacation to Vegas to visit our parents new house, my brother and I decided we both need to move out of the nest. unfortunately under financial circumstances - since our parents are cutting us off - we have to get a 1 bedroom apt. lol so we would have 2 full beds pushed right up next to eachother to make a superduper full-uper big bed. This would kill the mack daddy points for shure.. then we'll decorate with a ballerina above neil's bed and a ballerino above mine just like i love lucy hehe. (k guess you had to be there to understand that comment - incest is best!)

funniest thing i heard this weekend from a waitress at cesar's palace named Christine: "well i live here by myself cuz my husband went to china.. and.. ummm.. never came back" <rolling on the floor laughing>

Thursday, February 26, 2004
did i mention that my NEW not even 1 MONTH OLD mp3 car stereo got stolen?? boooooooo.. those meanie burglars. at least they were nice enough to take out the "cover songs" cd that was in the stereo deck and leave it on my chair. i guess they dont like cover songs?! i even had money in the change drawer thing and they didnt take it. i was pretty bummed.. especially since it was in Chino Hills of all places.. maybe the show the OC is right.. Chino IS GHETTO.. [hehe jes joshing randers]

eileenerzz (9:18:02 AM): does it say "write me cheesy shit" on my profile?

eileenerzz (9:18:19 AM):
(babe gurl)
thurs a time when i look in ur eye's
i see the love that we shared
i see da joy inside
but i didnt see the feelings u hide
and now ur saying good bye
cuzz UR LOVE has died
and the more that i think of u
the way u say love me 2
and everytime i close my eye
i see ur face
my love can neaver be erase
and u could neaver be replace (babe)

b-a-b-e g-u-r-l why dont u come back 2 me
why dont u love me any more
b-a-b-e g-u-r-l u know i still care 4 u
u know i will love for ever more

hohohohooooooooooooo........!!!!!!! (<--- that was still part of the message.. i'm frickin serious)

[[[[[JUST TO CLARIFY: "hairyarse101" did not write the below.. some girl wrote this to him.. makes it even funnier huh.. hehehehehe]]]]]

hairyarse101 (9:20:05 AM): im rockin boppin beats outta the trunk, feel the funk, bumpin through like the rythm in ya rump, then we pump the boogie shake up rattle and roll, stroll with me to the park and get outta controll, ill unfold my story, and you can with yours, we can exchange a lot of thoughts, and it wont be a bore, for whatever any reason, conversate with our beliefs and just talk to me.....itll be interestin ...

Wednesday, February 24, 2004
Tabs720 (5:12:35 PM): pear sanal dribear

Tabs720 (3:33:41 PM): stick back to ur surfer lingo
Tabs720 (3:33:57 PM): bitz doesnt suit u haha

Tabs720 (3:34:52 PM): i smell something nippy over there
eileenerzz (SCOTTIE) (3:35:11 PM): what are you talking about
Tabs720 (3:35:20 PM): u sure sound like scott
eileenerzz (SCOTTIE) (3:35:37 PM): you facking racist ass gorilla
Tabs720 (3:35:52 PM): i knew i smelled a nip

Monday, February 23, 2004
eileenerzz (10:25:59 AM): Whitney Museum of American Art you uncultured nerdbomber
Tabs720 (10:26:49 AM): soooooooooooory artsy fartsy extraordindairyaire

zoink. its late. y can i never sleep at night. max isnt being a very good spooner this evening. maybe its because he's furry, has big ears, and a tail?

so question for the day: if tomorrow was the last day in the universe who would you want to spend it with?

Yes indeed I'm alone again
And here comes emptiness crashing in
It's either love or hate
I can't find in between
-ben harper : another lonely day

other tunes on my repeat list:
dj dangermouse - the gray album
dilated peoples - this way
dryden mitchell - friday im in love
john mayer - not myself
rooney - i'm shakin

did i mention that 50 first dates was an awesome movie? -"nothing beats a first kiss"

movies i need to watch:
along came polly
eurotrip [boo dreamworks =P - okay im a little bitter can you tell]

phrase of the day: *2 gold stars*

# of consecutive weekends my parents have been to vegas = 6

Sunday, February 22, 2004
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you, you love, well, that's just fabulous." -Carrie

http://www.hbo.com/city/episode/season6/episode94.shtml

i cannot believe sex and the city has finally come to an end. it's the end of an era.. what a dreadful day.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

TABS720 (2:18:43 PM): i just wanna F&*# you, no kissin and huggin, cuz you got a husband that loves you

hotrockstargirl (3:23:29 PM): eileen what the heck is spooning?

Friday, February 20, 2004
"love is love is love is love is..."
"no matter how many ammendments they add to the constitution,
I'll never be completely white."
"i speak blinglish"

Thursday, February 19, 2004
Scottie too hotties famous graduation words:
"platinum plus poonanny"
"she's got a dime piece"

Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Eileen Lingo:
*burble -- posting a message intended to insult and provoke, except that the "burbler" is totally clueless and ineffectual.
*arachnerd -- A person who spends way too much time surfing the web
*chrome -- slang for splashy program features that attract attention but do little or nothing to make the program more useful or more powerful.
*craplet -- a poorly designed, aesthetically unpleasing, or just generally useless Java applet.
*emotags -- mock HTML tags used in writing to indicate emotional states. <sad>boo!</sad>
*cyrillic -- corrupted or undecipherable
*gronking -- the sound made by your hard drive when its thinking
*joott -- just one of those things
*mouse potato -- computer equivalent to couch potato
*off the grid -- a euphemism for not being on the internet
*sextuple-u -- another way of pronouncing the "www" part of web addresses.

Monday, February 16, 2004
it means
something
when she
reveals
her image
on screen;
black,
white,
shy,
sprite,
a timeless
beauty

Saturday, February 14, 2004
I just found the best picture in whole entire galaxy...

Wednesday, February 11, 2004
hairyarse101 (2:34:37 PM): how about weirtimisanegeous

Friday, February 6, 2004
damnilocano (3:46:36 PM): God helps those who help themselves

sillyturtles (09:11:15 PM): lets get legged with some sluxy guys.

Monday, February 2, 2004
EKSOBITION1 (1:13:12 AM): seriously gurl, u need to build a bridge....
EKSOBITION1 (1:13:17 AM): and get over it!

Thursday, January 29, 2004
it is official... Hilary Duff is hoooooooT. sexy sexy. phew.. i just saw her video dayam im jealous.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Movies I need to watch:
Lost in Translation
Along Came Polly
Lord of the Rings 2 and 3 hehe
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

Ok i know the Win a Date with Tad Hamilton one is lame but it totally looks like a "make me smile for 1 and a half hours dammit cuz i paid a grip to watch this shit and i'm in a bad mood" kinda movie

Songs that are on fatal repeat on my winamp:
Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
Britney Spears - Toxic (yes i'm a groupie i totally jock her.. hottiehottiehottie)

OH i got a new cd player for my car woohooooooo! no more listening to the same 3 songs on the radio. now i can listen to the same three songs on a cd hehe.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004
i've been feeling really inadequate lately. Here’s an analogy: if I was a guy I wouldn’t be able to get it up for anyone.. even Britney spears or jenna jameson.. that’s how inadequate I’ve been feeling. It’s like I planned my whole life down to the last minuscule detail and it’s just not falling into place right now. Even my bedroom is driving me crazy. Insecurity is a bitch. And I’ve been insomniac city lately.. sleeping at weird hours and eating at odd times. The bags under my eyes are not very attractive right now. I wish I had a fairy godmother that would just *poof* make everything better. Dayam those fairytale endings.. making you optimistic for something good to come outta it all. Bah humbug.

Saturday, January 24, 2004
I officially hate everything there is about design. I mean it. I had the Volcom photoshoot Friday and almost puked my guts out. Theres something about climbing up and down a ladder to get the right perspective on a product that just takes all the fun out of being a photographer. Then there's video editing. can this suck anymore than it already does? It's like Catch 22 when you think everything is just going to flow and you're gonna breeze right through something then you do a virus scan on your computer and find out you have the Trojan virus. Grrrrreat. then premiere is acting up on me, dropping frames and having the audio and video tracks not meet up correctly. and to top it all off i really want to go out tonight to get my mind off things but probably cant since i gotta finish this by tomorroe. procrastinating sucks. ARRRGH! shitty day

Monday, January 19, 2004
The wise words of an incredibly clever and sensible korean

jinnay508 (3:55:09 PM): for every action comes a risk and a choice...you just got to decide whats going to keep you most sane and true to yourself
jinnay508 (3:55:37 PM): and ultimately what will make you happy in the midst of it all...and i am not just talking about happy in the moment but one that lasts because you feel complete

Monday, January 19, 2004
Heinekens + Eileen = tummy doesnt feel too good. wow i think i may really have to become one of those trailor park rednecks and start drinkin bud light from now on. it just goes down so much smoother. heinekens are starting to give me major next morning yuckers.

went to josephs cafe last night. it was pretty chill.. kinda small.. but all the right people were there to make it a blast. got to see 3M jinny and apes and at least 3 of the TO boys. its rare that we get to party together but when we do its just like old times. i really miss those high school days having no real worries and drama. geez if i could turn back time...

rico suave john paul got his miggedy mack daddy on with delores. it was so cute watchin him get his booty on. i'm sure he had fun. scottie too hottie was perpin on a pigeon on the way home.. i havent met her yet but that was cute seeing scottie spit game on the ride home. randarz got super drunky drunk. i guess he had a bunch to drink and topped it off with a shot of pitron (spelling?) yuck just thinkin about it makes me gag. i hateeeee hard alcohol. if you wanna make eileen buck wild for the short time span of approximately 1 hr then just give me some shots. good times for that 1st hour then 3 hrs hurling in a plastic bag in the car then bowing down to the porcelain god at home. :shudders:

Sunday, January 18, 2004
so anyone that knows me well enough to have visited my parents house knows that it has become the closet of all closets, the mother of all garage sales, just plain and simply randomness to the fullest extent of the word. if you need anything, and i do mean anything, you can find it there. my garage is no longer a space where cars are kept. it has slowly become the storage/shopping area for my family. need a full dining set? bam its there.. 3 of them.. printers? = 5 .. computer monitors? = 3.. tools? at least 4 of each tool.. even a projection screen, telescope, golf, football, baseball, bikes, bowling, vcrs, shoes, clothes that were "supposed" to go to the philippines? bam its there.. every weekend when i come home there seems to be something new added to my old bedroom that has now become another extension to my mothers wardrobe. not to mention the blanket room. i think there must be 50 blankets in this make shift closet i have in my old bedroom. seriously who needs 50 blankets. especially in southern california where its probably cold for about 2 months out of the entire year.

anyways the reason i bring up my parents house is because my mom calls me this morning and low and behold they are in vegas. fyi this is the second consecutive weekend they have visited the sin city. apparently they are fascinated with the real estate over there and are now convinced that they should jump on the band wagon and buy a house there. just what we need.. another house.. or should i say closet #2. i must say though i am a little excited if the whole thing goes through. it just means no more inflated hotel rates and i can basically party there whenever i want. woohoo. k i'm starting to like this more as i type. wow neato i can party there and yack in a toilet that my parents own.. geez that reminds me of high school... hehe

Sunday, January 18, 2004
either im getting older or my stomach, hmm maybe liver i should say, are hating me more each day. woke up and felt kinda queasy this morning. damn that beer. i'm a trooper though i can pull through. the whitey in me is such a damn beer drinker. boo whitey

Saturday, January 17, 2004
word of advice: never pass out or be the first to fall asleep if there is a permanent marker within a 500 feet vicinity of your crashing point. you might end up with a line straight down the middle of your face.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Today is my brother Neil's Bday but unfortunately i wasn't able to celebrate with him. Maybe sometime this weekend. I did the volcom photo shoot today for their fall 2004 line. it was pretty neato but tiring get up and down the ladder to try to get all the clothes to look flat on the white background. ate a sandwich for lunch (ewwwww :shudders:) anyone that knows me well KNOWS i hate sandwiches but will eat them if forced to. i just feel like it doesnt fill me enough. i'm such a pig or maybe im just too american. i need me a big ol burger and fries and a super duper size COKE to make the day go well. finished up the photo shoot and ate some grub sushi for dinner yummerz. geepers i live such a boring life i dont even know what to write about. but im tired so i go now. bye

Monday, January 12, 2004
So funny thing happened this weekend. My parents were in Vegas for my mom's university reunion committee meeting and my dad goes to a trade show. i swear he's the type of person that businesses at trade shows haaaaate. there they were right outside my bedroom door in the morning. two big bags full of chachkeys (spelling?) you know all that free shit that they pass out with their business contact info plastered all over it. to top it off he even bought something there. a digital video/photo camera and mp3 player all in one. deifinitely something my dad would buy and never use. they never cease to amaze me with what amuses them.