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2004 Archive
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Saturday, December 31, 2005
it’s when you miss someone so much,
it hurts.
you can erase a phone number
but you cant erase the love.
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Friday, December 30, 2005
i gotta take it a day at a time
tyler hilton - our time |
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Thursday, December 29, 2005
live as if you never knew
what it was to lose
terminal - dark |
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005
fortune cookie read..... "You will be in the best
position"
i cant get the smell off my mind. its crazy how one
scent can bring you back to that moment.
im drowning in you. paralyzed.. hypnotized.
the notwist - consequence
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friday, December 23, 2005
Im so..
I cant even think of the word.
And when can eileen not think of the word… ?
Overwhelmed indecisive disappointed fragile conflicted
severed alone
Someone please pull the brakes on this roller coaster.
This ride isn’t as fun as when I first hopped
on.
imogen heap - hide and seek
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Thursday, December 22, 2005
somethings missing |
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005
the clouds are forming |
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
maybe im searching for a feeling that doesn’t
exist |
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Sexy is when
the best is left to the imagination
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Well here I am
Don’t know how to say this
Only thing I know is awkward silence
Your eyelids close, when you’re around me
to shut me out.
don’t shut me out.
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Sunday, December 18, 2005
whatever you become
someone will long for what you were
oh the irony
In between the black and blue of dreams
Lies a fight
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Saturday, December 17, 2005
I haven’t really had an opportunity to update
my blurbs in a long time. There are a couple reasons
for that. Been busy with work, Christmas shopping, super
sick mode, lost my voice most of this week and to top
it off no internet at home for the past couple of days.
Being without internet is like having a dull object
cut through your jugular. Without it I feel like im
bleeding to death. |
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Friday, December 16, 2005
passion
so deeply entrenched
cracking pavement on city streets
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Friday, December 16, 2005
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
it seems as if everyone else has gotten a jump start.
I feel like the tortoise in the race still trying to
figure out where the finish line is.
hopefully consistency prevails.
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Thursday, December 15, 2005
the mouth
can be the most dangerous part of a person |
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Thursday, December 15, 2005
the things you love
are as stupid as the things you hate
and are easily interchangeable
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I think people just say what they like to hear
its hard to convince someone to be smart
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I enjoy stars but fireworks are even better |
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Monday, December 12, 2005
if a man keeps telling you over and over again that
he loves you
then something is wrong |
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Sunday, December 11, 2005
if there is understanding,
there is a blanket of love.
if there is no understanding,
there is only a blanket of questions.
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Sunday, December 11, 2005
'Sometimes not knowing where you're headed is the best
direction.'
thank you. i definitely appreciate this =] |
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Saturday, December 10, 2005
the snow is not my friend this year.
ouch im hurting. |
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Thursday, December 8, 2005
When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy.
But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you
wish you hadn't. |
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Wednesday, December 7, 2005
There shouldn’t be a question mark after
I love you. |
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Tuesday, December 6, 2005
down the long corridor
our eyes met.
amidst the echoes
the only two left .
one simple glance
in memory etched.
candidly captivating
though timing amiss.
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Friday, December 2, 2005
What you do, should speak so loudly, that one cannot
hear what you say. |
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Thursday, December 1, 2005
No time. No time. No time.
That’s all anyone ever has nowadays. |
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Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I was a voyeur last night.
Fighting in a car with the windows up.
Hands flailed and words exchanged.
The things one can do when they think no one is watching…
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Saturday, November 26, 2005
dinner in a Russian household.
temper went through the roof.
shot glasses at each plate setting.
damn they can drink.
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
My brother is in love
My sister is basically married
My parents have a new life in another city
The first thanksgiving that I’ve felt really alone.
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
There are two things that I despise in this world:
ignorance and incompetence.
Make that three..
I forgot to add mint chocolate.
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Friday, November 18, 2005
I ate at panda express by myself today. Orange chicken
yummmmm.
Anyhow i’m half way through my meal and this little
girl plops onto a chair at the table next to me. she
was super duper cute. probably around 12 years old had
thin, brown, straight hair and was pretty pale in skin
tone but had chinky eyes. I felt like I was staring
at a 12 year old replica of myself. It was a shock because
she seriously looked like I did when I was that age.
Her dad then sat at the table and I overheard their
conversation. He was asking her how her week was. I
assume her parents are divorced and it happened to be
his weekend to spend time with her so he was catching
up with her on what she was up to that week. I would
hate to be limited to weekend visitation rights with
my own flesh and blood. I cant even imagine what that
would be like to know that you are unable to see your
own child whenever you want to. anyhoo the little girl
was definitely hapa. She even spoke like me.. it was
crazy.
So works been pretty difficult lately but at the end
of my orange chicken meal I opened my fortune cookie
and low and behold “Make those special talents
you have work like a charm.” I honestly think
this is the best fortune I’ve gotten in a long
time! Yippyskippy!
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Friday, November 18, 2005
If you fail to plan,
Plan to fail. |
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
You have to have long range goals to keep yourself
from being disappointed with short term failure.
I need to go home and lick my wounds…
I was badly beaten today,
mentally that is.
You only fail if you give up
and I am not a quitter. |
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Got this today.
” 2 years and still reading.....thank you for
getting me by on days that seem like years. ”
-will
Wow.. have I really been babbling my nonsense for two
years already?! |
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
They say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
- Andy Warhol
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Theres this really, really good artist. He has 2 daughters.
To nurture their creativity, he threw away all their
toys and told them
that if they wanted to play with something, they would
have to make it.
How awesome of an idea is that? Let the creative juices
flow!
I am soooo stealing that idea.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
hit up the cuzzi today with two awesome friends,
a beautiful full moon and three glasses of white riesling.
It was a much needed retreat from the daily struggle
of reality. |
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
colored shadows - life after love |
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Monday, November 14, 2005
I would consider myself very high strung and incredibly
competitive.
Hopefully that will work to my advantage moving forward,
down the unforeseen road that lies ahead of me. |
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
i made a wish and you came true. |
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
Remember when it was cool
to put those glow in the dark stars on your ceiling?
Sometimes I wish I could be 16 in high school,
staring up at those glow in the dark stickers again,
without a care in the world.
Wouldn’t that be grand?
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005
your reputation is your resume |
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Pg 44 of Reaching the Top of Your Game by Patricia M.
Sherlock
“The Japanese call this relentless drive for improvement
kaizen” |
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Whatever happened to “being that shoulder to cry
on” You know.. the person you go to when you need
to talk and all you want them to do is listen.. yup
just LISTEN that’s it!
It seems to me in this day and age that things are so
fast paced that we neglect to take time out to really
acknowledge another person’s feelings. The second
something is not what you want to hear you immediately
rebuttal with “why are you taking it out on me?”
or “now you’re making me upset.” All
of a sudden you feel EVEN WORSE than you did when you
first started the conversation when all you really needed
was someone to LISTEN!
Scenario. I’m talking with my mom on the phone..
just simply returning her call, shooting the shit for
a little, seeing whats new. So she tells me theres this
“cool new preebie thing at knotts berry parm”
I think in my head… “whats a preebie? And
I didn’t know it was a parmmmm?” anyhow
her little Filipino accent amused me and she seemed
quite excited to tell me that at her work they are offering
free entrance to the theme park and she wants me to
take adBantage of it.. haha (side note: Filipinos cant
pronounce their F’s and V’s.. somehow they
magically turn into P’s and B’s respectively.)
anyhow.. she asks me about my new job and blah blah
blah.. then we get into me wanting to get into a new
car. So if you know me, you KNOWWWW that I have always
taken care of myself and always worked hard for everything
I have. So I decided to just throw it out there and
see if she would want to break me off a little and help
me with a down payment.. she got all flustered and started
talking about how she wasn’t done paying off my
sister’s car yet (p.s. my sister sold it.. my
mom doesn’t know that though..) and how she’s
planning on going to the Philippines soon so she was
saving so now wasn’t a good time. Being the level
headed daughter I am, I replied, “no problem mom,
I’ll just work for it myself ..” thinking
that would take that weight off her shoulders.. ya that
didn’t make her too happy. It actually ended up
the exact opposite.. She started getting all over emotional
spitting out stuff like “you’re so impatient,
you’re making me upset, why’d you have to
ruin my day, I’m not a good mother…and the
list goes on and on”.. it just urks me that my
sister always claims that my mother favors me but in
reality she is the one that gets everything she wants..
argh.
So sorry I had to vent but I didn’t really want
to talk to someone and hear “so then why are you
taking it out on me?”.. I just called someone
to vent and got that so I don’t need to hear it
again.
Thank you for your time, have a super day!
p.s. phew.. that feels a lot better now. |
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Monday, November 7, 2005
Guys:
If you’re on a first date, never begin a sentence
with “my mom.” Trust me, the girl you are
dating does not want a mental picture of your mom while
she’s kissing you. eww groddie.
Coworkers:
Never start a sentence with “at my old job”
cuz lets be serious here.. no one gives a flying fuck
about your old job.. that’s why you’re here
at your new one sheeeeeeeeeeez.
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Monday, November 7, 2005
This put a super big smile on my face.. check out the
message I got today : )
okay so I had some realizations today (don't know
if realization IS a word, but hey it sounded good)
so I had this dilemma... BOYS why are they here, and
why do we like them (to an extent)
and for some reason "i take each day with a grain
of salt" popped into my head, and I didn't know
what it meant... so I decided HEy, I should look it
up, and I did..
your little journal popped up.. so I glanced at it,
only to realize 20 minutes had gone by and i was now
staring and really reading it... I like your style..
I like your grace...
I wanna say "your words are the shit" and
you have so much to say.... :)
I noticed you talked about myspace and I clicked on
the link, and here I am..
so don't find me too wierd to say "you are inspiring,
and funny as hell" good words!
hope that this journal is ongoing.. so if the day
isn't quite right for me. I can go to it... and laugh
or feel inspired! thank you
Its things like this that make you keep chugging when
the glass is half empty.
Thanks for actually taking the time to read my nonsense!
You’re awesome. |
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Sunday, November 6, 2005
Rafi Gardet: His penis was so beautiful I wanted to
knit it a little hat.
Prime (2005) with Uma Thurman. shes hot. hahahaha i
couldnt stop laughing.. it was so cute. |
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Sunday, November 6, 2005
Live, Love, Learn.
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Saturday, November 5, 2005
I suffer from sever FOF.
Fear of Failure.
I do not think I can handle being unsuccessful.
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Friday, November 4, 2005
entourage is a great freakin series.
definitely follows nobly behind my sex and the city..
I would argue, its simply the male version of it. |
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Wednesday, November 2, 2005
So here’s the deal. For those of you who don’t
already know, I got a new job. Yes it is true. Eileen
has succumbed to the masses and has joined the mortgage
industry. Yup.. starbucks coffee and a bagel in the
morning, casual Fridays, and the Tuesday morning huddle
aka the company meeting... ugh. I no longer utilize
my jean collection its sad.. very very sad… anyhow
I haven’t been able to update this ish in forever
but have no fear my dears.. I have been taking diligent
notes in class. Instead of separating all the thoughts
into the days in which they caught my attention, I have
decided to give you a good 5 minutes of reading below
all accumulated on scraps of paper and torn off napkins…
so here goes in no particular order or train of thought.
You know you are getting old when you start wearing
your pants above your beer belly.
You should always deliver good news fast and bad news
faster.
“dirty deeds done quick”.. haha say that
ten times fast!
there is no such thing as a free lunch
Conversation at Taco Factory: “Wow, I cant believe
you said that. It goes in this order. You THINK, you
FEEL, then you SAY. If you were able to SAY what you
just said then you must have THOUGHT it was important
and FELT the need to say it… ouch” ((can
you believe that came out of my mouth? Wow I was deep
that day))
An F is a one legged A.
Timid Sales People have skinny children.
If times got rough, turn the gas on and hold the kids
tight.
I took a shower under a waterfall today and tried to
soak up as much as I could.
Shark Theory: you can only grow as big as your tank.
Well then set me free in the ocean where the possibilities
are endless.
Who here knows something about something?
Any questions? No? if you had one what would it be?
How are you today? Any better and it would be a sin.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be changing
in a phone booth.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be you.
Confidence is sexy. That…. and a guy that can
cook a steak. Yum.
Lies are a temporary escape. Key word=temporary.
If I only learn one thing in this world, at least it
would be one more thing than I know now.
I gotta read “Who moved my cheese”
Luck is for people with no self confidence.
Exceptions are the grey in a black and white world.
So im in carls jr refilling my super mega size 3 gallon
cup of coke and as I pass by this table of old dudes
I hear:
“Man Bob.. you gotsta relax this weekend.. you
seem all tense and shit… You gotta get yo’self
one of them thangs (points to eileen as she walks by)
you can spank that thing all day long.”
[Needless to say I was extremely disgusted.. but you
cant help but chuckle at their ignorance.]
And last but not least…… drum roll please:
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result everytime. With that,
I plead insanity! |
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
i never realized how intense drafting for fantasy basketball
could be until this morning. whoa.
you guys are such gaybirds..
you should go make a gaybird lovenest and fuzzywuzzy
snugglebunny |
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
good for you samy shogun. the she-devil saga has now
ended!
you have written her off.. consider her mcdead in your
mind. |
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
saw rex navarette today. here are some sniglets from
his show:
Oh my gash im not a gays
56k is A-ok
filipino tequila = shots of patis
don't touch my byrrrd
*sparkle* *sparkle*
brian ooooooobrian
so if i eat the mcprrieesspresh prriice prennnnch pryys
does that make me first world?
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Friday, October 21, 2005
happy barfday.
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
There are no words to describe what it feels like to
be utterly surprised.
Hope it brought a smile to your face and memories that
will last a lifetime.
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Don’t play games with her.
You know that high note that breaks windows?
That’s the high note you better be playing with
her.
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Friday, October 14, 2005
i cant even remember what SEXTION im on now and im too
damn lazy to look so just consider this more bang for
the buck...
1. Bolsa Heels. I absolutely detest
girls that wear bolsa heels. If you are not familiar
with “Bolsa” let me extrapolate. “Bolsa”
is a street located in Westminster, home to the Asian
Garden Mall. This indoor asian flea market kinda swap
meet errr.. I duno how to describe it but its one of
those places like chinatown where you can get a luis
vuitton purse for $20 and a trance rave mix cd with
a pokemon sticker on it by dj chinky thuggish rugster
rice rocket for $5. (ha.. I just made myself laugh sorry…)
anyhow.. Freakin wannabe broke down gogo dancer with
her 4 inch thick ass clear heels stepped on my fucking
foot. So remember how the right ankle was busted? Well
bullseye on the left one now. Grr tiger. I wanna slap
that skeet and say “move bitch get out the way,
get out the way, get out the way...” ARRGGGH!!
2. 6 inch skirts. When I was eighteen
I remember wearing booty shorts when I went clubbing.
Yah you know the shorts where your ass cheeks kinda
hang out. But that was when I was eighteen, played 5
hours of tennis every day and had a rock hard “you
cant handle this shit” kinda ass. Seven years,
later I have now become witness to the next generation
of clubbing attire. We shall call it the six inch skirt.
Honestly I don’t even know where these chicks
buy this shit cuz I have for sure never seen it at the
mall when I cruise around shopping. Girls straight up
wear this little piece of cloth around their waist that
does little to cover up the goods. Then they get smashed
and climb up on the stage like a rock star and start
gyrating as if there was an imaginary hot guy trying
to sex em up. um yah not happening. I kinda felt like
I was at a cheap strip joint cuz I definitely saw ass
cheeks, a rainbow of colored thong undies and some nipplage
here and there. But the one chick that wins the 6 inch
skirt award for the night wasn’t exactly wearing
a six inch skirt. I saw her walk across the room like
a flash of light. I was stunned for a second holding
back the drool that was about to drip from my lip..
It was more like she was wearing a bra, a belt, a string
for underwear, a bottle of bleach that fell in her hair
and oh yah don’t forget the glitter lotion all
over her body. I held my breath as she turned around
and UGHHHHHHH her face was so broke down even Triple
A wouldn’t come and tow that shit away. She must
have been at least 35 and we were at an 18 and over
club.. that’s like twice the mode age of everyone
in the club. And her feet … oh my gwarssshhhh…
one word of advice for her.. PEDICURE.. !! damn girl
.. youre gonna spend all that money on your tits you
better go get that toe jam chiseled off those moldy
toes of yours.. blahhhyuckpuckkkk.. ok im done. I cant
think of that anymore im gonna barf.
3. guest list. I never understood the
guest list. History suggests that the advent of the
guest list provided an accelerated entrance to a club,
extended to the elite or V.I.P. people that decide to
attend the event. Clubs nowadays have taken that idea
to the next level. Why is it that you roll up to a club
and it seems like the guest list is 5 times longer than
the regular line. And why is it that the bouncers will
scavenger the line to find groups of girls and herd
them in like cattle making all the rest of us wait.
Reality check: really hot girls NEVER EVER EVER travel
in herds. They are usually lone rangers or needles in
a haystack if you will. But then again I guess it doesn’t
really matter if the groups of girls are ugly or not
because they all have tits and ass and in the dark you
cant see much of their faces anyways.. so to all the
guys out there, be advised to roam the club in caution
or you may be bamboozled by the tits and ass and wake
up to the lochness monster the morning after.
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
another year older but not very much wiser
its like hall and oats meets boy george.. I feel so
wang chung tonight. |
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
So very incredibly stoked right now.
Im jumping up and down on my new bed!! Yipppppy skippppy! |
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005
eileenerzz (7:37:22 PM): ahring is caring
Dreemwerks (7:38:12 PM): i thought "ahring"
was supposed to be how fobs say ur name |
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Scenario:
I tapped my friends foot by accident and say “stop
playing footsies with me.”
he replies “you got to put a quarter in this machine
to play your game.”
I thought it was hilarious. |
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Happy birthday daddy. I miss you. |
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Sunday, October 9, 2005
I got the strangest email today. Reads as follows:
Rained on ground hardens (Japanese Proverb) .
One man money mek too much man cry.
God is Always on the Side of the Big Battalions.
Usually I can read between the lines but what the frack
is this?
Stumbled upon a new group The Lovemakers. Good stuff.
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Saturday, October 8, 2005
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The killers were amazing.
They didn’t play “desperate”
but its ok I’ll forgive them this time.
When the lead singer looks like this.. yah..
you gotta forgive em.
:drool:
She says I'm obsessed
I say I'm in love..
I wish I was myself
again |
p.s. Fuck noooooooo im not gonna eat a blood clot floating
in soup. So I grabbed a pizza on the way back to the
car. Yum. |
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Saturday, October 8, 2005
Note to self: when in a fight and there are no words
left to say just “hug it out” I boogie swear.
It works.
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Friday, October 7, 2005
I ate octopus at blowfish today. Haha just wanted to
say that. Sounds funny.
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Friday, October 7, 2005
Ticket on the way of disputing a ticket. Doesn’t
get any funnier than that. Oh wait yah it can. He yelled
out “fuckin gustavo” I think he meant “fuckin
gestapo” hahahahaha.. guess you had to be there.
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Wednesday, October 5, 2005
I get so much fuckin porn emails now… what the
phuckk!?!?!!!?! How do I stop this shit. I swear this
pisses me off. I turn on my outlook and get 60 emails..
10 of which are actually mine. Does anyone know what
to do?
cowards give in
to get rid of you
-basquiat |
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Im cutting onions and squish straight through my middle
finger’s nail bed. Its was disgusting. Blood was
gushing out so I smacked a bandaid on there and in less
than a minute the band aid was soaked through. I had
to put gauze on it and apply pressure until the gauze
soaked up too. So here I am typing feeling like a super
oober gimp with an ankle that has still not healed completely
and a left middle finger that cant push down on the
keyboard right.
I saw “The Jacket” tonight. It was a really
good movie. Kinda trippy but keira knightly is hot in
it. She has that sultry crack addict but still looks
hot thing goin on. I recommend it if you haven’t
seen it yet.
Transient Insomnia. I don’t
think I have slept one full night in the past year.
I wake up at least 2-3 times a night to tinkle or because
I had a nightmare. So I did what any normal 24 year
old would do. I went to Rite Aid and bought Tylenol
Sleep Aid. I took it for the first time a couple of
weeks ago and it wigged me out. Completely flipped me
upside down like I was at a rave dropping some crazy
mdma.. not that I have done that before or anything
coughcough but ummm.. yah I got all jittery and had
an anxiety attack.. I think I even wrote about it..
well anyhows.. I took it again last week figuring maybe
the second time around would drift me off to wonderland
and the same shit happened. My arms felt like they couldn’t
stay still and my eyes almost hurt if I shut them for
longer than 2 seconds. It was a waking nightmare. its
2:06am right now and I was debating whether to go for
round 3 and risk it but came to the conclusion that
I would be completely retarded to take that stuff again.
I don’t understand how the box says you can get
addicted because it made me more paranoid than relaxed.
What to do what to do.. google it.
1. Count sheep. Um no thanks for some
reason I imagine them in my head but I start smelling
them in my head too.. groddie.
2. Drink warm milk. Um lactose intolerent.
Next please
3. Imagine something boring. Um so
im imagining myself and ya it didn’t work.
4. Rub tummy. Um rubbed the tumtum
and no dice.
5. Quiet ears. Lie on your back with
your hands behind your head, fingers interlocked, and
your palms cupping the back of your head. Place your
thumbs in your ears so that you are pressing the outer
flap of your ear and blocking the entrance to the ear
canal. Lie quietly and listen for a high-pitched sound
that you will gradually hear inside your head. Lie there
for 10 to 15 minutes and concentrate on that sound.
Then put your arms to your sides and go to sleep. Um
sorry buddy but I just hear ringing in my ears.
6. Toe wiggling. Um whaa? No joke..
check it
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/insomnia.15.html
“When you wiggle your toes, you are stimulating
-- and thus relaxing -- your entire body” that
is so rad.. you gotta try it. It actually is pretty
relaxing.
The time is 2:15am and a freight train just passed
by. They seriously plan when they are going to honk
the horn. The conductor looks out his little window,
pinpoints where I live and honks that ish till he’s
blue in the face. I hate you conductor.. with a passion. |
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005
in terms of complimenting..
it’s like that pair of chucks that go with just
about anything. -harvey
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Monday, October 3, 2005
I read a fortune cookie today.
You will continue to take chances
and be glad you did.
I’m officially spoken for.
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Saturday, October 1, 2005
If time alone were the brush that paints with solace
and misfortunate,
my life would be a work of art.
daphne loves derby – the end of everything I loved |
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Friday, September 30, 2005
I probably should be really stoked right now. My unemployment
or shall I say my home security job will cease on October
24th. Yup I got a job. While some may revel in this
gratification, I on the other hand despise it. Its not
that I don’t want to work, just that I told myself
I wouldn’t work somewhere I wasn’t happy
with anymore or work somewhere just for the money. I
guess I have thrown both of those hopes straight down
the shitter. That’s right folks I sold my soul
to the mortgage industry. Or at least not yet. Not until
they do a complete criminal background check on me and
confirm that there is nothing egregious in my past.
Hopefully they wont dig up anything about the time I
held up that porn store and stole all their blow up
dolls or the time I snuck into 2 movies and only paid
for one ticket. Yup im a rebel I like to live life on
the edge. So now I have 24 days left of my vacation..
what the hell is there to do in orange county?
isolation, redemption and veracity
the firebird band - dangerous |
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I should poke your eyes out
but then how would you be able to look at yourself in
the mirror
after what you have done |
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Monday, September 26, 2005
Dear Scene
I wish I was blind
then I wouldn’t see inside.
If I could only cut my body free
from the tethers of your scene.
Kiss the cynics,
drag my feet in their misery,
always one step behind. |
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