> 2004 Archive
> 2005 Archive
> 2006 Archive

 

Saturday, December 31, 2005
it’s when you miss someone so much,
it hurts.

you can erase a phone number
but you cant erase the love.

 

Friday, December 30, 2005
i gotta take it a day at a time

tyler hilton - our time

 

Thursday, December 29, 2005
live as if you never knew
what it was to lose

terminal - dark

 

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
fortune cookie read..... "You will be in the best position"

i cant get the smell off my mind. its crazy how one scent can bring you back to that moment.
im drowning in you. paralyzed.. hypnotized.

the notwist - consequence

 

friday, December 23, 2005
Im so..
I cant even think of the word.
And when can eileen not think of the word… ?

Overwhelmed indecisive disappointed fragile conflicted severed alone
Someone please pull the brakes on this roller coaster.
This ride isn’t as fun as when I first hopped on.

imogen heap - hide and seek

 

Thursday, December 22, 2005
somethings missing

 

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
the clouds are forming

 

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
maybe im searching for a feeling that doesn’t exist

 

Monday, December 19, 2005
Sexy is when
the best is left to the imagination

 

Monday, December 19, 2005
Well here I am
Don’t know how to say this
Only thing I know is awkward silence
Your eyelids close, when you’re around me
to shut me out.
don’t shut me out.

 

Sunday, December 18, 2005
whatever you become
someone will long for what you were
oh the irony

In between the black and blue of dreams
Lies a fight

 

Saturday, December 17, 2005
I haven’t really had an opportunity to update my blurbs in a long time. There are a couple reasons for that. Been busy with work, Christmas shopping, super sick mode, lost my voice most of this week and to top it off no internet at home for the past couple of days. Being without internet is like having a dull object cut through your jugular. Without it I feel like im bleeding to death.

 

Friday, December 16, 2005
passion
so deeply entrenched
cracking pavement on city streets

 

Friday, December 16, 2005
Idleness is the holiday of fools.

it seems as if everyone else has gotten a jump start.
I feel like the tortoise in the race still trying to figure out where the finish line is.
hopefully consistency prevails.

 

Thursday, December 15, 2005
the mouth
can be the most dangerous part of a person

 

Thursday, December 15, 2005
the things you love
are as stupid as the things you hate
and are easily interchangeable

 

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I think people just say what they like to hear
its hard to convince someone to be smart

 

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I enjoy stars but fireworks are even better

 

Monday, December 12, 2005
if a man keeps telling you over and over again that he loves you
then something is wrong

 

Sunday, December 11, 2005
if there is understanding,
there is a blanket of love.
if there is no understanding,
there is only a blanket of questions.

 

Sunday, December 11, 2005
'Sometimes not knowing where you're headed is the best direction.'

thank you. i definitely appreciate this =]

 

Saturday, December 10, 2005
the snow is not my friend this year.
ouch im hurting.

 

Thursday, December 8, 2005
When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy.
But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you wish you hadn't.

 

Wednesday, December 7, 2005
There shouldn’t be a question mark after
I love you.

 

Tuesday, December 6, 2005
down the long corridor
our eyes met.
amidst the echoes
the only two left .
one simple glance
in memory etched.
candidly captivating
though timing amiss.

 

Friday, December 2, 2005
What you do, should speak so loudly, that one cannot hear what you say.

 

Thursday, December 1, 2005
No time. No time. No time.
That’s all anyone ever has nowadays.

 

Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I was a voyeur last night.
Fighting in a car with the windows up.
Hands flailed and words exchanged.
The things one can do when they think no one is watching…

 

Saturday, November 26, 2005
dinner in a Russian household.
temper went through the roof.
shot glasses at each plate setting.
damn they can drink.

 

Thursday, November 24, 2005
My brother is in love
My sister is basically married
My parents have a new life in another city
The first thanksgiving that I’ve felt really alone.

 

Sunday, November 20, 2005
There are two things that I despise in this world:
ignorance and incompetence.
Make that three..
I forgot to add mint chocolate.

 

Friday, November 18, 2005
I ate at panda express by myself today. Orange chicken yummmmm.
Anyhow i’m half way through my meal and this little girl plops onto a chair at the table next to me. she was super duper cute. probably around 12 years old had thin, brown, straight hair and was pretty pale in skin tone but had chinky eyes. I felt like I was staring at a 12 year old replica of myself. It was a shock because she seriously looked like I did when I was that age. Her dad then sat at the table and I overheard their conversation. He was asking her how her week was. I assume her parents are divorced and it happened to be his weekend to spend time with her so he was catching up with her on what she was up to that week. I would hate to be limited to weekend visitation rights with my own flesh and blood. I cant even imagine what that would be like to know that you are unable to see your own child whenever you want to. anyhoo the little girl was definitely hapa. She even spoke like me.. it was crazy.

So works been pretty difficult lately but at the end of my orange chicken meal I opened my fortune cookie and low and behold “Make those special talents you have work like a charm.” I honestly think this is the best fortune I’ve gotten in a long time! Yippyskippy!

 

Friday, November 18, 2005
If you fail to plan,
Plan to fail.

 

Thursday, November 17, 2005
You have to have long range goals to keep yourself
from being disappointed with short term failure.

I need to go home and lick my wounds…
I was badly beaten today,
mentally that is.

You only fail if you give up
and I am not a quitter.

 

Thursday, November 17, 2005
Got this today.
” 2 years and still reading.....thank you for getting me by on days that seem like years. ” -will

Wow.. have I really been babbling my nonsense for two years already?!

 

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
They say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
- Andy Warhol

 

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Theres this really, really good artist. He has 2 daughters.
To nurture their creativity, he threw away all their toys and told them
that if they wanted to play with something, they would have to make it.
How awesome of an idea is that? Let the creative juices flow!
I am soooo stealing that idea.

 

Tuesday, November 15, 2005
hit up the cuzzi today with two awesome friends,
a beautiful full moon and three glasses of white riesling.
It was a much needed retreat from the daily struggle of reality.

 

Tuesday, November 15, 2005
colored shadows - life after love

 

Monday, November 14, 2005
I would consider myself very high strung and incredibly competitive.
Hopefully that will work to my advantage moving forward,
down the unforeseen road that lies ahead of me.

 

Sunday, November 13, 2005
i made a wish and you came true.

 

Thursday, November 10, 2005
Remember when it was cool
to put those glow in the dark stars on your ceiling?
Sometimes I wish I could be 16 in high school,
staring up at those glow in the dark stickers again,
without a care in the world.
Wouldn’t that be grand?

 

Wednesday, November 9, 2005
your reputation is your resume

 

Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Pg 44 of Reaching the Top of Your Game by Patricia M. Sherlock
“The Japanese call this relentless drive for improvement kaizen”

 

Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Whatever happened to “being that shoulder to cry on” You know.. the person you go to when you need to talk and all you want them to do is listen.. yup just LISTEN that’s it!

It seems to me in this day and age that things are so fast paced that we neglect to take time out to really acknowledge another person’s feelings. The second something is not what you want to hear you immediately rebuttal with “why are you taking it out on me?” or “now you’re making me upset.” All of a sudden you feel EVEN WORSE than you did when you first started the conversation when all you really needed was someone to LISTEN!

Scenario. I’m talking with my mom on the phone.. just simply returning her call, shooting the shit for a little, seeing whats new. So she tells me theres this “cool new preebie thing at knotts berry parm” I think in my head… “whats a preebie? And I didn’t know it was a parmmmm?” anyhow her little Filipino accent amused me and she seemed quite excited to tell me that at her work they are offering free entrance to the theme park and she wants me to take adBantage of it.. haha (side note: Filipinos cant pronounce their F’s and V’s.. somehow they magically turn into P’s and B’s respectively.) anyhow.. she asks me about my new job and blah blah blah.. then we get into me wanting to get into a new car. So if you know me, you KNOWWWW that I have always taken care of myself and always worked hard for everything I have. So I decided to just throw it out there and see if she would want to break me off a little and help me with a down payment.. she got all flustered and started talking about how she wasn’t done paying off my sister’s car yet (p.s. my sister sold it.. my mom doesn’t know that though..) and how she’s planning on going to the Philippines soon so she was saving so now wasn’t a good time. Being the level headed daughter I am, I replied, “no problem mom, I’ll just work for it myself ..” thinking that would take that weight off her shoulders.. ya that didn’t make her too happy. It actually ended up the exact opposite.. She started getting all over emotional spitting out stuff like “you’re so impatient, you’re making me upset, why’d you have to ruin my day, I’m not a good mother…and the list goes on and on”.. it just urks me that my sister always claims that my mother favors me but in reality she is the one that gets everything she wants.. argh.

So sorry I had to vent but I didn’t really want to talk to someone and hear “so then why are you taking it out on me?”.. I just called someone to vent and got that so I don’t need to hear it again.

Thank you for your time, have a super day!
p.s. phew.. that feels a lot better now.

 

Monday, November 7, 2005
Guys:
If you’re on a first date, never begin a sentence with “my mom.” Trust me, the girl you are dating does not want a mental picture of your mom while she’s kissing you. eww groddie.

Coworkers:
Never start a sentence with “at my old job” cuz lets be serious here.. no one gives a flying fuck about your old job.. that’s why you’re here at your new one sheeeeeeeeeeez.

 

Monday, November 7, 2005
This put a super big smile on my face.. check out the message I got today : )

okay so I had some realizations today (don't know if realization IS a word, but hey it sounded good)

so I had this dilemma... BOYS why are they here, and why do we like them (to an extent)

and for some reason "i take each day with a grain of salt" popped into my head, and I didn't know what it meant... so I decided HEy, I should look it up, and I did..

your little journal popped up.. so I glanced at it, only to realize 20 minutes had gone by and i was now staring and really reading it... I like your style.. I like your grace...

I wanna say "your words are the shit" and you have so much to say.... :)

I noticed you talked about myspace and I clicked on the link, and here I am..

so don't find me too wierd to say "you are inspiring, and funny as hell" good words!

hope that this journal is ongoing.. so if the day isn't quite right for me. I can go to it... and laugh or feel inspired! thank you

Its things like this that make you keep chugging when the glass is half empty.
Thanks for actually taking the time to read my nonsense! You’re awesome.

 

Sunday, November 6, 2005
Rafi Gardet: His penis was so beautiful I wanted to knit it a little hat.

Prime (2005) with Uma Thurman. shes hot. hahahaha i couldnt stop laughing.. it was so cute.

 

Sunday, November 6, 2005
Live, Love, Learn.

 

Saturday, November 5, 2005
I suffer from sever FOF.
Fear of Failure.
I do not think I can handle being unsuccessful.

 

Friday, November 4, 2005
entourage is a great freakin series.
definitely follows nobly behind my sex and the city..
I would argue, its simply the male version of it.

 

Wednesday, November 2, 2005
So here’s the deal. For those of you who don’t already know, I got a new job. Yes it is true. Eileen has succumbed to the masses and has joined the mortgage industry. Yup.. starbucks coffee and a bagel in the morning, casual Fridays, and the Tuesday morning huddle aka the company meeting... ugh. I no longer utilize my jean collection its sad.. very very sad… anyhow I haven’t been able to update this ish in forever but have no fear my dears.. I have been taking diligent notes in class. Instead of separating all the thoughts into the days in which they caught my attention, I have decided to give you a good 5 minutes of reading below all accumulated on scraps of paper and torn off napkins… so here goes in no particular order or train of thought.

You know you are getting old when you start wearing your pants above your beer belly.

You should always deliver good news fast and bad news faster.

“dirty deeds done quick”.. haha say that ten times fast!

there is no such thing as a free lunch

Conversation at Taco Factory: “Wow, I cant believe you said that. It goes in this order. You THINK, you FEEL, then you SAY. If you were able to SAY what you just said then you must have THOUGHT it was important and FELT the need to say it… ouch” ((can you believe that came out of my mouth? Wow I was deep that day))

An F is a one legged A.

Timid Sales People have skinny children.

If times got rough, turn the gas on and hold the kids tight.

I took a shower under a waterfall today and tried to soak up as much as I could.

Shark Theory: you can only grow as big as your tank. Well then set me free in the ocean where the possibilities are endless.

Who here knows something about something?

Any questions? No? if you had one what would it be?

How are you today? Any better and it would be a sin.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be changing in a phone booth.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be you.

Confidence is sexy. That…. and a guy that can cook a steak. Yum.

Lies are a temporary escape. Key word=temporary.
If I only learn one thing in this world, at least it would be one more thing than I know now.

I gotta read “Who moved my cheese”

Luck is for people with no self confidence.

Exceptions are the grey in a black and white world.

So im in carls jr refilling my super mega size 3 gallon cup of coke and as I pass by this table of old dudes I hear:
“Man Bob.. you gotsta relax this weekend.. you seem all tense and shit… You gotta get yo’self one of them thangs (points to eileen as she walks by) you can spank that thing all day long.”
[Needless to say I was extremely disgusted.. but you cant help but chuckle at their ignorance.]

And last but not least…… drum roll please:
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result everytime. With that, I plead insanity!

 

Sunday, October 23, 2005
i never realized how intense drafting for fantasy basketball could be until this morning. whoa.
you guys are such gaybirds..
you should go make a gaybird lovenest and fuzzywuzzy snugglebunny

 

Sunday, October 23, 2005
good for you samy shogun. the she-devil saga has now ended!
you have written her off.. consider her mcdead in your mind.

 

Saturday, October 22, 2005
saw rex navarette today. here are some sniglets from his show:
Oh my gash im not a gays
56k is A-ok
filipino tequila = shots of patis
don't touch my byrrrd
*sparkle* *sparkle*
brian ooooooobrian
so if i eat the mcprrieesspresh prriice prennnnch pryys does that make me first world?

 

Friday, October 21, 2005
happy barfday.

 

Friday, October 21, 2005
I hope my kids get some of my creative juices and draw better than this.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

 

Thursday, October 20, 2005
There are no words to describe what it feels like to be utterly surprised.
Hope it brought a smile to your face and memories that will last a lifetime.

 

Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Don’t play games with her.
You know that high note that breaks windows?
That’s the high note you better be playing with her.

 

Friday, October 14, 2005
i cant even remember what SEXTION im on now and im too damn lazy to look so just consider this more bang for the buck...

1. Bolsa Heels. I absolutely detest girls that wear bolsa heels. If you are not familiar with “Bolsa” let me extrapolate. “Bolsa” is a street located in Westminster, home to the Asian Garden Mall. This indoor asian flea market kinda swap meet errr.. I duno how to describe it but its one of those places like chinatown where you can get a luis vuitton purse for $20 and a trance rave mix cd with a pokemon sticker on it by dj chinky thuggish rugster rice rocket for $5. (ha.. I just made myself laugh sorry…) anyhow.. Freakin wannabe broke down gogo dancer with her 4 inch thick ass clear heels stepped on my fucking foot. So remember how the right ankle was busted? Well bullseye on the left one now. Grr tiger. I wanna slap that skeet and say “move bitch get out the way, get out the way, get out the way...” ARRGGGH!!

2. 6 inch skirts. When I was eighteen I remember wearing booty shorts when I went clubbing. Yah you know the shorts where your ass cheeks kinda hang out. But that was when I was eighteen, played 5 hours of tennis every day and had a rock hard “you cant handle this shit” kinda ass. Seven years, later I have now become witness to the next generation of clubbing attire. We shall call it the six inch skirt. Honestly I don’t even know where these chicks buy this shit cuz I have for sure never seen it at the mall when I cruise around shopping. Girls straight up wear this little piece of cloth around their waist that does little to cover up the goods. Then they get smashed and climb up on the stage like a rock star and start gyrating as if there was an imaginary hot guy trying to sex em up. um yah not happening. I kinda felt like I was at a cheap strip joint cuz I definitely saw ass cheeks, a rainbow of colored thong undies and some nipplage here and there. But the one chick that wins the 6 inch skirt award for the night wasn’t exactly wearing a six inch skirt. I saw her walk across the room like a flash of light. I was stunned for a second holding back the drool that was about to drip from my lip.. It was more like she was wearing a bra, a belt, a string for underwear, a bottle of bleach that fell in her hair and oh yah don’t forget the glitter lotion all over her body. I held my breath as she turned around and UGHHHHHHH her face was so broke down even Triple A wouldn’t come and tow that shit away. She must have been at least 35 and we were at an 18 and over club.. that’s like twice the mode age of everyone in the club. And her feet … oh my gwarssshhhh… one word of advice for her.. PEDICURE.. !! damn girl .. youre gonna spend all that money on your tits you better go get that toe jam chiseled off those moldy toes of yours.. blahhhyuckpuckkkk.. ok im done. I cant think of that anymore im gonna barf.

3. guest list. I never understood the guest list. History suggests that the advent of the guest list provided an accelerated entrance to a club, extended to the elite or V.I.P. people that decide to attend the event. Clubs nowadays have taken that idea to the next level. Why is it that you roll up to a club and it seems like the guest list is 5 times longer than the regular line. And why is it that the bouncers will scavenger the line to find groups of girls and herd them in like cattle making all the rest of us wait. Reality check: really hot girls NEVER EVER EVER travel in herds. They are usually lone rangers or needles in a haystack if you will. But then again I guess it doesn’t really matter if the groups of girls are ugly or not because they all have tits and ass and in the dark you cant see much of their faces anyways.. so to all the guys out there, be advised to roam the club in caution or you may be bamboozled by the tits and ass and wake up to the lochness monster the morning after.

 

Thursday, October 13, 2005
another year older but not very much wiser
its like hall and oats meets boy george.. I feel so wang chung tonight.

 

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
So very incredibly stoked right now.
Im jumping up and down on my new bed!! Yipppppy skippppy!

 

Tuesday, October 11, 2005
eileenerzz (7:37:22 PM): ahring is caring
Dreemwerks (7:38:12 PM): i thought "ahring" was supposed to be how fobs say ur name

 

Monday, October 10, 2005
Scenario:
I tapped my friends foot by accident and say “stop playing footsies with me.”
he replies “you got to put a quarter in this machine to play your game.”
I thought it was hilarious.

 

Monday, October 10, 2005
Happy birthday daddy. I miss you.

 

Sunday, October 9, 2005
I got the strangest email today. Reads as follows:
Rained on ground hardens (Japanese Proverb) .
One man money mek too much man cry.
God is Always on the Side of the Big Battalions.

Usually I can read between the lines but what the frack is this?

Stumbled upon a new group The Lovemakers. Good stuff.

 

Saturday, October 8, 2005

The killers were amazing.
They didn’t play “desperate” but its ok I’ll forgive them this time. When the lead singer looks like this.. yah..
you gotta forgive em.
:drool:

She says I'm obsessed
I say I'm in love..
I wish I was myself
again

p.s. Fuck noooooooo im not gonna eat a blood clot floating in soup. So I grabbed a pizza on the way back to the car. Yum.

 

Saturday, October 8, 2005
Note to self: when in a fight and there are no words left to say just “hug it out” I boogie swear. It works.

 

Friday, October 7, 2005
I ate octopus at blowfish today. Haha just wanted to say that. Sounds funny.

 

Friday, October 7, 2005
Ticket on the way of disputing a ticket. Doesn’t get any funnier than that. Oh wait yah it can. He yelled out “fuckin gustavo” I think he meant “fuckin gestapo” hahahahaha.. guess you had to be there.

 

Thursday, October 6, 2005
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaa.. Rolling On the FLOOR LAUGHING HYSTERICALLLLLLLY.

http://www.indiaserver.com/cgi-bin/moz/index.cgi?base=%2FSociety%2FPeople%2FPersonal_Homepages%2FS%2F
scroll to the bottom. Omg. I cant stop laughing.

This is even trippier.. I didn’t even remember what my website looked like:
http://web.archive.org/web/*/www.eileenszymanski.com/

 

Wednesday, October 5, 2005
I get so much fuckin porn emails now… what the phuckk!?!?!!!?! How do I stop this shit. I swear this pisses me off. I turn on my outlook and get 60 emails.. 10 of which are actually mine. Does anyone know what to do?

cowards give in
to get rid of you
-basquiat

 

Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Im cutting onions and squish straight through my middle finger’s nail bed. Its was disgusting. Blood was gushing out so I smacked a bandaid on there and in less than a minute the band aid was soaked through. I had to put gauze on it and apply pressure until the gauze soaked up too. So here I am typing feeling like a super oober gimp with an ankle that has still not healed completely and a left middle finger that cant push down on the keyboard right.

I saw “The Jacket” tonight. It was a really good movie. Kinda trippy but keira knightly is hot in it. She has that sultry crack addict but still looks hot thing goin on. I recommend it if you haven’t seen it yet.

Transient Insomnia. I don’t think I have slept one full night in the past year. I wake up at least 2-3 times a night to tinkle or because I had a nightmare. So I did what any normal 24 year old would do. I went to Rite Aid and bought Tylenol Sleep Aid. I took it for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it wigged me out. Completely flipped me upside down like I was at a rave dropping some crazy mdma.. not that I have done that before or anything coughcough but ummm.. yah I got all jittery and had an anxiety attack.. I think I even wrote about it.. well anyhows.. I took it again last week figuring maybe the second time around would drift me off to wonderland and the same shit happened. My arms felt like they couldn’t stay still and my eyes almost hurt if I shut them for longer than 2 seconds. It was a waking nightmare. its 2:06am right now and I was debating whether to go for round 3 and risk it but came to the conclusion that I would be completely retarded to take that stuff again. I don’t understand how the box says you can get addicted because it made me more paranoid than relaxed. What to do what to do.. google it.

1. Count sheep. Um no thanks for some reason I imagine them in my head but I start smelling them in my head too.. groddie.
2. Drink warm milk. Um lactose intolerent. Next please
3. Imagine something boring. Um so im imagining myself and ya it didn’t work.
4. Rub tummy. Um rubbed the tumtum and no dice.
5. Quiet ears. Lie on your back with your hands behind your head, fingers interlocked, and your palms cupping the back of your head. Place your thumbs in your ears so that you are pressing the outer flap of your ear and blocking the entrance to the ear canal. Lie quietly and listen for a high-pitched sound that you will gradually hear inside your head. Lie there for 10 to 15 minutes and concentrate on that sound. Then put your arms to your sides and go to sleep. Um sorry buddy but I just hear ringing in my ears.
6. Toe wiggling. Um whaa? No joke.. check it
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/insomnia.15.html
“When you wiggle your toes, you are stimulating -- and thus relaxing -- your entire body” that is so rad.. you gotta try it. It actually is pretty relaxing.

The time is 2:15am and a freight train just passed by. They seriously plan when they are going to honk the horn. The conductor looks out his little window, pinpoints where I live and honks that ish till he’s blue in the face. I hate you conductor.. with a passion.

 

Tuesday, October 4, 2005
in terms of complimenting..
it’s like that pair of chucks that go with just about anything. -harvey

 

Monday, October 3, 2005
I read a fortune cookie today.
You will continue to take chances and be glad you did.
I’m officially spoken for.

 

Saturday, October 1, 2005
If time alone were the brush that paints with solace and misfortunate,
my life would be a work of art.

daphne loves derby – the end of everything I loved

 

Friday, September 30, 2005
I probably should be really stoked right now. My unemployment or shall I say my home security job will cease on October 24th. Yup I got a job. While some may revel in this gratification, I on the other hand despise it. Its not that I don’t want to work, just that I told myself I wouldn’t work somewhere I wasn’t happy with anymore or work somewhere just for the money. I guess I have thrown both of those hopes straight down the shitter. That’s right folks I sold my soul to the mortgage industry. Or at least not yet. Not until they do a complete criminal background check on me and confirm that there is nothing egregious in my past. Hopefully they wont dig up anything about the time I held up that porn store and stole all their blow up dolls or the time I snuck into 2 movies and only paid for one ticket. Yup im a rebel I like to live life on the edge. So now I have 24 days left of my vacation.. what the hell is there to do in orange county?

isolation, redemption and veracity
the firebird band - dangerous

 

Thursday, September 29, 2005
SIMI VALLEY, CA - A wind-whipped 17,000-acre wildfire raced across hills and canyons along the city's northwestern edge Thursday, threatening homes and forcing hundreds of people to evacuate. -CNN



You never really pay attention to disasters in this world until you receive a hysterical phone call from your mom saying that the sky is black and the house that you grew up in is about to be swallowed up by a fire. The worst part about tragedies like these is that you can’t do anything about it. Helplessness is the worst.

 

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I should poke your eyes out
but then how would you be able to look at yourself in the mirror
after what you have done

 

Monday, September 26, 2005
Dear Scene
I wish I was blind
then I wouldn’t see inside.
If I could only cut my body free
from the tethers of your scene.
Kiss the cynics,
drag my feet in their misery,
always one step behind.