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2004 Archive
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Saturday, December 31, 2005
it’s when you miss someone so much,
it hurts.
you can erase a phone number
but you cant erase the love.
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Friday, December 30, 2005
i gotta take it a day at a time
tyler hilton - our time |
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Thursday, December 29, 2005
live as if you never knew
what it was to lose
terminal - dark |
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005
fortune cookie read..... "You will be in the best
position"
i cant get the smell off my mind. its crazy how one
scent can bring you back to that moment.
im drowning in you. paralyzed.. hypnotized.
the notwist - consequence
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friday, December 23, 2005
Im so..
I cant even think of the word.
And when can eileen not think of the word… ?
Overwhelmed indecisive disappointed fragile conflicted
severed alone
Someone please pull the brakes on this roller coaster.
This ride isn’t as fun as when I first hopped
on.
imogen heap - hide and seek
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Thursday, December 22, 2005
somethings missing |
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005
the clouds are forming |
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
maybe im searching for a feeling that doesn’t
exist |
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Sexy is when
the best is left to the imagination
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Well here I am
Don’t know how to say this
Only thing I know is awkward silence
Your eyelids close, when you’re around me
to shut me out.
don’t shut me out.
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Sunday, December 18, 2005
whatever you become
someone will long for what you were
oh the irony
In between the black and blue of dreams
Lies a fight
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Saturday, December 17, 2005
I haven’t really had an opportunity to update
my blurbs in a long time. There are a couple reasons
for that. Been busy with work, Christmas shopping, super
sick mode, lost my voice most of this week and to top
it off no internet at home for the past couple of days.
Being without internet is like having a dull object
cut through your jugular. Without it I feel like im
bleeding to death. |
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Friday, December 16, 2005
passion
so deeply entrenched
cracking pavement on city streets
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Friday, December 16, 2005
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
it seems as if everyone else has gotten a jump start.
I feel like the tortoise in the race still trying to
figure out where the finish line is.
hopefully consistency prevails.
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Thursday, December 15, 2005
the mouth
can be the most dangerous part of a person |
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Thursday, December 15, 2005
the things you love
are as stupid as the things you hate
and are easily interchangeable
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I think people just say what they like to hear
its hard to convince someone to be smart
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I enjoy stars but fireworks are even better |
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Monday, December 12, 2005
if a man keeps telling you over and over again that
he loves you
then something is wrong |
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Sunday, December 11, 2005
if there is understanding,
there is a blanket of love.
if there is no understanding,
there is only a blanket of questions.
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Sunday, December 11, 2005
'Sometimes not knowing where you're headed is the best
direction.'
thank you. i definitely appreciate this =] |
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Saturday, December 10, 2005
the snow is not my friend this year.
ouch im hurting. |
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Thursday, December 8, 2005
When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy.
But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you
wish you hadn't. |
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Wednesday, December 7, 2005
There shouldn’t be a question mark after
I love you. |
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Tuesday, December 6, 2005
down the long corridor
our eyes met.
amidst the echoes
the only two left .
one simple glance
in memory etched.
candidly captivating
though timing amiss.
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Friday, December 2, 2005
What you do, should speak so loudly, that one cannot
hear what you say. |
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Thursday, December 1, 2005
No time. No time. No time.
That’s all anyone ever has nowadays. |
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Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I was a voyeur last night.
Fighting in a car with the windows up.
Hands flailed and words exchanged.
The things one can do when they think no one is watching…
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Saturday, November 26, 2005
dinner in a Russian household.
temper went through the roof.
shot glasses at each plate setting.
damn they can drink.
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Thursday, November 24, 2005
My brother is in love
My sister is basically married
My parents have a new life in another city
The first thanksgiving that I’ve felt really alone.
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
There are two things that I despise in this world:
ignorance and incompetence.
Make that three..
I forgot to add mint chocolate.
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Friday, November 18, 2005
I ate at panda express by myself today. Orange chicken
yummmmm.
Anyhow i’m half way through my meal and this little
girl plops onto a chair at the table next to me. she
was super duper cute. probably around 12 years old had
thin, brown, straight hair and was pretty pale in skin
tone but had chinky eyes. I felt like I was staring
at a 12 year old replica of myself. It was a shock because
she seriously looked like I did when I was that age.
Her dad then sat at the table and I overheard their
conversation. He was asking her how her week was. I
assume her parents are divorced and it happened to be
his weekend to spend time with her so he was catching
up with her on what she was up to that week. I would
hate to be limited to weekend visitation rights with
my own flesh and blood. I cant even imagine what that
would be like to know that you are unable to see your
own child whenever you want to. anyhoo the little girl
was definitely hapa. She even spoke like me.. it was
crazy.
So works been pretty difficult lately but at the end
of my orange chicken meal I opened my fortune cookie
and low and behold “Make those special talents
you have work like a charm.” I honestly think
this is the best fortune I’ve gotten in a long
time! Yippyskippy!
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Friday, November 18, 2005
If you fail to plan,
Plan to fail. |
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
You have to have long range goals to keep yourself
from being disappointed with short term failure.
I need to go home and lick my wounds…
I was badly beaten today,
mentally that is.
You only fail if you give up
and I am not a quitter. |
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
Got this today.
” 2 years and still reading.....thank you for
getting me by on days that seem like years. ”
-will
Wow.. have I really been babbling my nonsense for two
years already?! |
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
They say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
- Andy Warhol
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Theres this really, really good artist. He has 2 daughters.
To nurture their creativity, he threw away all their
toys and told them
that if they wanted to play with something, they would
have to make it.
How awesome of an idea is that? Let the creative juices
flow!
I am soooo stealing that idea.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
hit up the cuzzi today with two awesome friends,
a beautiful full moon and three glasses of white riesling.
It was a much needed retreat from the daily struggle
of reality. |
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
colored shadows - life after love |
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Monday, November 14, 2005
I would consider myself very high strung and incredibly
competitive.
Hopefully that will work to my advantage moving forward,
down the unforeseen road that lies ahead of me. |
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
i made a wish and you came true. |
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
Remember when it was cool
to put those glow in the dark stars on your ceiling?
Sometimes I wish I could be 16 in high school,
staring up at those glow in the dark stickers again,
without a care in the world.
Wouldn’t that be grand?
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005
your reputation is your resume |
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Pg 44 of Reaching the Top of Your Game by Patricia M.
Sherlock
“The Japanese call this relentless drive for improvement
kaizen” |
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Whatever happened to “being that shoulder to cry
on” You know.. the person you go to when you need
to talk and all you want them to do is listen.. yup
just LISTEN that’s it!
It seems to me in this day and age that things are so
fast paced that we neglect to take time out to really
acknowledge another person’s feelings. The second
something is not what you want to hear you immediately
rebuttal with “why are you taking it out on me?”
or “now you’re making me upset.” All
of a sudden you feel EVEN WORSE than you did when you
first started the conversation when all you really needed
was someone to LISTEN!
Scenario. I’m talking with my mom on the phone..
just simply returning her call, shooting the shit for
a little, seeing whats new. So she tells me theres this
“cool new preebie thing at knotts berry parm”
I think in my head… “whats a preebie? And
I didn’t know it was a parmmmm?” anyhow
her little Filipino accent amused me and she seemed
quite excited to tell me that at her work they are offering
free entrance to the theme park and she wants me to
take adBantage of it.. haha (side note: Filipinos cant
pronounce their F’s and V’s.. somehow they
magically turn into P’s and B’s respectively.)
anyhow.. she asks me about my new job and blah blah
blah.. then we get into me wanting to get into a new
car. So if you know me, you KNOWWWW that I have always
taken care of myself and always worked hard for everything
I have. So I decided to just throw it out there and
see if she would want to break me off a little and help
me with a down payment.. she got all flustered and started
talking about how she wasn’t done paying off my
sister’s car yet (p.s. my sister sold it.. my
mom doesn’t know that though..) and how she’s
planning on going to the Philippines soon so she was
saving so now wasn’t a good time. Being the level
headed daughter I am, I replied, “no problem mom,
I’ll just work for it myself ..” thinking
that would take that weight off her shoulders.. ya that
didn’t make her too happy. It actually ended up
the exact opposite.. She started getting all over emotional
spitting out stuff like “you’re so impatient,
you’re making me upset, why’d you have to
ruin my day, I’m not a good mother…and the
list goes on and on”.. it just urks me that my
sister always claims that my mother favors me but in
reality she is the one that gets everything she wants..
argh.
So sorry I had to vent but I didn’t really want
to talk to someone and hear “so then why are you
taking it out on me?”.. I just called someone
to vent and got that so I don’t need to hear it
again.
Thank you for your time, have a super day!
p.s. phew.. that feels a lot better now. |
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Monday, November 7, 2005
Guys:
If you’re on a first date, never begin a sentence
with “my mom.” Trust me, the girl you are
dating does not want a mental picture of your mom while
she’s kissing you. eww groddie.
Coworkers:
Never start a sentence with “at my old job”
cuz lets be serious here.. no one gives a flying fuck
about your old job.. that’s why you’re here
at your new one sheeeeeeeeeeez.
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Monday, November 7, 2005
This put a super big smile on my face.. check out the
message I got today : )
okay so I had some realizations today (don't know
if realization IS a word, but hey it sounded good)
so I had this dilemma... BOYS why are they here, and
why do we like them (to an extent)
and for some reason "i take each day with a grain
of salt" popped into my head, and I didn't know
what it meant... so I decided HEy, I should look it
up, and I did..
your little journal popped up.. so I glanced at it,
only to realize 20 minutes had gone by and i was now
staring and really reading it... I like your style..
I like your grace...
I wanna say "your words are the shit" and
you have so much to say.... :)
I noticed you talked about myspace and I clicked on
the link, and here I am..
so don't find me too wierd to say "you are inspiring,
and funny as hell" good words!
hope that this journal is ongoing.. so if the day
isn't quite right for me. I can go to it... and laugh
or feel inspired! thank you
Its things like this that make you keep chugging when
the glass is half empty.
Thanks for actually taking the time to read my nonsense!
You’re awesome. |
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Sunday, November 6, 2005
Rafi Gardet: His penis was so beautiful I wanted to
knit it a little hat.
Prime (2005) with Uma Thurman. shes hot. hahahaha i
couldnt stop laughing.. it was so cute. |
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Sunday, November 6, 2005
Live, Love, Learn.
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Saturday, November 5, 2005
I suffer from sever FOF.
Fear of Failure.
I do not think I can handle being unsuccessful.
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Friday, November 4, 2005
entourage is a great freakin series.
definitely follows nobly behind my sex and the city..
I would argue, its simply the male version of it. |
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Wednesday, November 2, 2005
So here’s the deal. For those of you who don’t
already know, I got a new job. Yes it is true. Eileen
has succumbed to the masses and has joined the mortgage
industry. Yup.. starbucks coffee and a bagel in the
morning, casual Fridays, and the Tuesday morning huddle
aka the company meeting... ugh. I no longer utilize
my jean collection its sad.. very very sad… anyhow
I haven’t been able to update this ish in forever
but have no fear my dears.. I have been taking diligent
notes in class. Instead of separating all the thoughts
into the days in which they caught my attention, I have
decided to give you a good 5 minutes of reading below
all accumulated on scraps of paper and torn off napkins…
so here goes in no particular order or train of thought.
You know you are getting old when you start wearing
your pants above your beer belly.
You should always deliver good news fast and bad news
faster.
“dirty deeds done quick”.. haha say that
ten times fast!
there is no such thing as a free lunch
Conversation at Taco Factory: “Wow, I cant believe
you said that. It goes in this order. You THINK, you
FEEL, then you SAY. If you were able to SAY what you
just said then you must have THOUGHT it was important
and FELT the need to say it… ouch” ((can
you believe that came out of my mouth? Wow I was deep
that day))
An F is a one legged A.
Timid Sales People have skinny children.
If times got rough, turn the gas on and hold the kids
tight.
I took a shower under a waterfall today and tried to
soak up as much as I could.
Shark Theory: you can only grow as big as your tank.
Well then set me free in the ocean where the possibilities
are endless.
Who here knows something about something?
Any questions? No? if you had one what would it be?
How are you today? Any better and it would be a sin.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be changing
in a phone booth.
How are you today? Any better and I’d be you.
Confidence is sexy. That…. and a guy that can
cook a steak. Yum.
Lies are a temporary escape. Key word=temporary.
If I only learn one thing in this world, at least it
would be one more thing than I know now.
I gotta read “Who moved my cheese”
Luck is for people with no self confidence.
Exceptions are the grey in a black and white world.
So im in carls jr refilling my super mega size 3 gallon
cup of coke and as I pass by this table of old dudes
I hear:
“Man Bob.. you gotsta relax this weekend.. you
seem all tense and shit… You gotta get yo’self
one of them thangs (points to eileen as she walks by)
you can spank that thing all day long.”
[Needless to say I was extremely disgusted.. but you
cant help but chuckle at their ignorance.]
And last but not least…… drum roll please:
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result everytime. With that,
I plead insanity! |
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
i never realized how intense drafting for fantasy basketball
could be until this morning. whoa.
you guys are such gaybirds..
you should go make a gaybird lovenest and fuzzywuzzy
snugglebunny |
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
good for you samy shogun. the she-devil saga has now
ended!
you have written her off.. consider her mcdead in your
mind. |
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
saw rex navarette today. here are some sniglets from
his show:
Oh my gash im not a gays
56k is A-ok
filipino tequila = shots of patis
don't touch my byrrrd
*sparkle* *sparkle*
brian ooooooobrian
so if i eat the mcprrieesspresh prriice prennnnch pryys
does that make me first world?
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Friday, October 21, 2005
happy barfday.
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
There are no words to describe what it feels like to
be utterly surprised.
Hope it brought a smile to your face and memories that
will last a lifetime.
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Don’t play games with her.
You know that high note that breaks windows?
That’s the high note you better be playing with
her.
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Friday, October 14, 2005
i cant even remember what SEXTION im on now and im too
damn lazy to look so just consider this more bang for
the buck...
1. Bolsa Heels. I absolutely detest
girls that wear bolsa heels. If you are not familiar
with “Bolsa” let me extrapolate. “Bolsa”
is a street located in Westminster, home to the Asian
Garden Mall. This indoor asian flea market kinda swap
meet errr.. I duno how to describe it but its one of
those places like chinatown where you can get a luis
vuitton purse for $20 and a trance rave mix cd with
a pokemon sticker on it by dj chinky thuggish rugster
rice rocket for $5. (ha.. I just made myself laugh sorry…)
anyhow.. Freakin wannabe broke down gogo dancer with
her 4 inch thick ass clear heels stepped on my fucking
foot. So remember how the right ankle was busted? Well
bullseye on the left one now. Grr tiger. I wanna slap
that skeet and say “move bitch get out the way,
get out the way, get out the way...” ARRGGGH!!
2. 6 inch skirts. When I was eighteen
I remember wearing booty shorts when I went clubbing.
Yah you know the shorts where your ass cheeks kinda
hang out. But that was when I was eighteen, played 5
hours of tennis every day and had a rock hard “you
cant handle this shit” kinda ass. Seven years,
later I have now become witness to the next generation
of clubbing attire. We shall call it the six inch skirt.
Honestly I don’t even know where these chicks
buy this shit cuz I have for sure never seen it at the
mall when I cruise around shopping. Girls straight up
wear this little piece of cloth around their waist that
does little to cover up the goods. Then they get smashed
and climb up on the stage like a rock star and start
gyrating as if there was an imaginary hot guy trying
to sex em up. um yah not happening. I kinda felt like
I was at a cheap strip joint cuz I definitely saw ass
cheeks, a rainbow of colored thong undies and some nipplage
here and there. But the one chick that wins the 6 inch
skirt award for the night wasn’t exactly wearing
a six inch skirt. I saw her walk across the room like
a flash of light. I was stunned for a second holding
back the drool that was about to drip from my lip..
It was more like she was wearing a bra, a belt, a string
for underwear, a bottle of bleach that fell in her hair
and oh yah don’t forget the glitter lotion all
over her body. I held my breath as she turned around
and UGHHHHHHH her face was so broke down even Triple
A wouldn’t come and tow that shit away. She must
have been at least 35 and we were at an 18 and over
club.. that’s like twice the mode age of everyone
in the club. And her feet … oh my gwarssshhhh…
one word of advice for her.. PEDICURE.. !! damn girl
.. youre gonna spend all that money on your tits you
better go get that toe jam chiseled off those moldy
toes of yours.. blahhhyuckpuckkkk.. ok im done. I cant
think of that anymore im gonna barf.
3. guest list. I never understood the
guest list. History suggests that the advent of the
guest list provided an accelerated entrance to a club,
extended to the elite or V.I.P. people that decide to
attend the event. Clubs nowadays have taken that idea
to the next level. Why is it that you roll up to a club
and it seems like the guest list is 5 times longer than
the regular line. And why is it that the bouncers will
scavenger the line to find groups of girls and herd
them in like cattle making all the rest of us wait.
Reality check: really hot girls NEVER EVER EVER travel
in herds. They are usually lone rangers or needles in
a haystack if you will. But then again I guess it doesn’t
really matter if the groups of girls are ugly or not
because they all have tits and ass and in the dark you
cant see much of their faces anyways.. so to all the
guys out there, be advised to roam the club in caution
or you may be bamboozled by the tits and ass and wake
up to the lochness monster the morning after.
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
another year older but not very much wiser
its like hall and oats meets boy george.. I feel so
wang chung tonight. |
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
So very incredibly stoked right now.
Im jumping up and down on my new bed!! Yipppppy skippppy! |
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005
eileenerzz (7:37:22 PM): ahring is caring
Dreemwerks (7:38:12 PM): i thought "ahring"
was supposed to be how fobs say ur name |
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Scenario:
I tapped my friends foot by accident and say “stop
playing footsies with me.”
he replies “you got to put a quarter in this machine
to play your game.”
I thought it was hilarious. |
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Happy birthday daddy. I miss you. |
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Sunday, October 9, 2005
I got the strangest email today. Reads as follows:
Rained on ground hardens (Japanese Proverb) .
One man money mek too much man cry.
God is Always on the Side of the Big Battalions.
Usually I can read between the lines but what the frack
is this?
Stumbled upon a new group The Lovemakers. Good stuff.
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Saturday, October 8, 2005
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The killers were amazing.
They didn’t play “desperate”
but its ok I’ll forgive them this time.
When the lead singer looks like this.. yah..
you gotta forgive em.
:drool:
She says I'm obsessed
I say I'm in love..
I wish I was myself
again |
p.s. Fuck noooooooo im not gonna eat a blood clot floating
in soup. So I grabbed a pizza on the way back to the
car. Yum. |
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Saturday, October 8, 2005
Note to self: when in a fight and there are no words
left to say just “hug it out” I boogie swear.
It works.
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Friday, October 7, 2005
I ate octopus at blowfish today. Haha just wanted to
say that. Sounds funny.
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Friday, October 7, 2005
Ticket on the way of disputing a ticket. Doesn’t
get any funnier than that. Oh wait yah it can. He yelled
out “fuckin gustavo” I think he meant “fuckin
gestapo” hahahahaha.. guess you had to be there.
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Wednesday, October 5, 2005
I get so much fuckin porn emails now… what the
phuckk!?!?!!!?! How do I stop this shit. I swear this
pisses me off. I turn on my outlook and get 60 emails..
10 of which are actually mine. Does anyone know what
to do?
cowards give in
to get rid of you
-basquiat |
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Im cutting onions and squish straight through my middle
finger’s nail bed. Its was disgusting. Blood was
gushing out so I smacked a bandaid on there and in less
than a minute the band aid was soaked through. I had
to put gauze on it and apply pressure until the gauze
soaked up too. So here I am typing feeling like a super
oober gimp with an ankle that has still not healed completely
and a left middle finger that cant push down on the
keyboard right.
I saw “The Jacket” tonight. It was a really
good movie. Kinda trippy but keira knightly is hot in
it. She has that sultry crack addict but still looks
hot thing goin on. I recommend it if you haven’t
seen it yet.
Transient Insomnia. I don’t
think I have slept one full night in the past year.
I wake up at least 2-3 times a night to tinkle or because
I had a nightmare. So I did what any normal 24 year
old would do. I went to Rite Aid and bought Tylenol
Sleep Aid. I took it for the first time a couple of
weeks ago and it wigged me out. Completely flipped me
upside down like I was at a rave dropping some crazy
mdma.. not that I have done that before or anything
coughcough but ummm.. yah I got all jittery and had
an anxiety attack.. I think I even wrote about it..
well anyhows.. I took it again last week figuring maybe
the second time around would drift me off to wonderland
and the same shit happened. My arms felt like they couldn’t
stay still and my eyes almost hurt if I shut them for
longer than 2 seconds. It was a waking nightmare. its
2:06am right now and I was debating whether to go for
round 3 and risk it but came to the conclusion that
I would be completely retarded to take that stuff again.
I don’t understand how the box says you can get
addicted because it made me more paranoid than relaxed.
What to do what to do.. google it.
1. Count sheep. Um no thanks for some
reason I imagine them in my head but I start smelling
them in my head too.. groddie.
2. Drink warm milk. Um lactose intolerent.
Next please
3. Imagine something boring. Um so
im imagining myself and ya it didn’t work.
4. Rub tummy. Um rubbed the tumtum
and no dice.
5. Quiet ears. Lie on your back with
your hands behind your head, fingers interlocked, and
your palms cupping the back of your head. Place your
thumbs in your ears so that you are pressing the outer
flap of your ear and blocking the entrance to the ear
canal. Lie quietly and listen for a high-pitched sound
that you will gradually hear inside your head. Lie there
for 10 to 15 minutes and concentrate on that sound.
Then put your arms to your sides and go to sleep. Um
sorry buddy but I just hear ringing in my ears.
6. Toe wiggling. Um whaa? No joke..
check it
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/insomnia.15.html
“When you wiggle your toes, you are stimulating
-- and thus relaxing -- your entire body” that
is so rad.. you gotta try it. It actually is pretty
relaxing.
The time is 2:15am and a freight train just passed
by. They seriously plan when they are going to honk
the horn. The conductor looks out his little window,
pinpoints where I live and honks that ish till he’s
blue in the face. I hate you conductor.. with a passion. |
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005
in terms of complimenting..
it’s like that pair of chucks that go with just
about anything. -harvey
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Monday, October 3, 2005
I read a fortune cookie today.
You will continue to take chances
and be glad you did.
I’m officially spoken for.
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Saturday, October 1, 2005
If time alone were the brush that paints with solace
and misfortunate,
my life would be a work of art.
daphne loves derby – the end of everything I loved |
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Friday, September 30, 2005
I probably should be really stoked right now. My unemployment
or shall I say my home security job will cease on October
24th. Yup I got a job. While some may revel in this
gratification, I on the other hand despise it. Its not
that I don’t want to work, just that I told myself
I wouldn’t work somewhere I wasn’t happy
with anymore or work somewhere just for the money. I
guess I have thrown both of those hopes straight down
the shitter. That’s right folks I sold my soul
to the mortgage industry. Or at least not yet. Not until
they do a complete criminal background check on me and
confirm that there is nothing egregious in my past.
Hopefully they wont dig up anything about the time I
held up that porn store and stole all their blow up
dolls or the time I snuck into 2 movies and only paid
for one ticket. Yup im a rebel I like to live life on
the edge. So now I have 24 days left of my vacation..
what the hell is there to do in orange county?
isolation, redemption and veracity
the firebird band - dangerous |
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I should poke your eyes out
but then how would you be able to look at yourself in
the mirror
after what you have done |
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Monday, September 26, 2005
Dear Scene
I wish I was blind
then I wouldn’t see inside.
If I could only cut my body free
from the tethers of your scene.
Kiss the cynics,
drag my feet in their misery,
always one step behind. |
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Monday, September 26, 2005
After a field test that some of you may have participated
in, I have come to the conclusion that the person you
want never ever wants you back. Its tough but it’s
a reality. We all want what we can’t have and
sometimes our sights for them get a little clouded and
the chase gets heated simply because they are not reciprocating.
As cheeseball as it may seem I want to be someone’s
everything. I want someone to want me as much as I want
them. Even though you cant have your crush, you shouldn’t
have to settle for less.. and sometimes less is not
only based on looks.. less can also mean getting less…be
it less emotion, less caring, less feeling… just
less.
It's strange to think that we can sit here and write
down who are crushes are and at the same time there
is someone out there that may be listing you as their
crush and you would never ever know it. You could be
someone’s everything but be alone sulking over
not getting YOUR everything. What a horrible predicament.
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
I scoured your town completely aroused,
Making love to your memory.
I want to kiss you on the mouth
And tell you im your biggest fan
Nightmare of You – My Name is Trouble |
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
Oh my goshers. If there is anything you need to try
on the internet it is this:
http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1127616534pqg
It tooooooootally surprised me. like no joke. Im still
in awe. If you read my blurbs religiously you need to
try it.. foreals..
otay did you go to it?... what do you think?? |
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
we may go to the moon together, but that is really not
that far...
the greatest distance we still have to cover lies within
us both
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Friday, September 23, 2005
i partially tore a ligament in my right ankle.
i am officially a gimpazoid.
ouchie it hurts.. pretty gnarly pain.
this plastic splint thingy is not a spiffy accessory.
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
you have the eyesight of insight
that is what draws me in
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
I just realized that my college loan wont be paid off
until 2023.
I will be 43 years old. Went to fuckin college and cant
find a job I like and im gonna be paying for it for
another 18 years. Oh the torture.
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Am I getting fatter or are my clothes just shrinking?
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I like being a bump on a log
It doesn’t take much effort
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Monday, September 19, 2005
I had 3 nightmares last night.
Dream One:
I was working at a retail store as manager. It was morning
time and I was opening up shop. When I entered the store
there were 10 dead bodies hanging from the ceiling dispersed
throughout the store. All people that I recognized.
I freaked out and started calling 911. then one of my
sales girls comes in and starts crying saying that her
ex-boyfriend did it. I asked how did she know? And she
said because he’s standing right there.. I froze
and she took out a gun and shot him. then im sitting
in a car next to her apparently on the way to the police
station and I feel a hand on my side coming from the
back seat and its her boyfriend all bloody and stuff
lying back there.. I freak out and think “how
fuckin stupid is she to drag his ass into the car with
us thinking he is dead but he really wasn’t”.
so I jumped out of the car on the freeway and I got
hit by another on coming car. I died. Needless to say
I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, drank some water,
and was able to fall asleep again thirty minutes later.
Dream Two:
I’m at the house that I grew up in as a child.
It was a creepy house, very dark with one long hallway
that I was always afraid of. I would run down that hallway
because I always felt like something was behind me.
im in one of the bedrooms, the one that used to be my
grandma’s and im part of some sting operation
or something. I have wires all over my chest. Im sitting
on the bed across from one of my friends from college.
It’s weird because it wasn’t anyone in particular..
more so that I just had it in my mind that I knew him
from college. Apparently he is evil and is trying to
kill me. I sit there shaking wondering when I should
call out the magic code word for all the cops to come
in and bust his ass. He tries to make a move on me and
I scream out the word but no one comes.. I run for the
door but its locked so he grabs me by the hair and throws
me down on the ground as if he’s about to rape
me. I cry and scream but no one can hear me. I kick
on the door but he’s too strong and has this crazy
grip on me. I finally manage to kick the door down and
run into my parents old bedroom and lock myself into
the bathroom. Then I start to think “how fuckin
stupid am I to lock myself in a bathroom with no way
out while some psycho dude who is trying to rape me
is outside trying to barge the door down.” I go
Rambo style and push open the door.. it hits him and
I run down the long scary hallway through the living
room and into the kitchen where I see all the computers
and shit that the cops, who were supposed to help me,
left behind. I remembered windows in the kitchen but
this time there were none. Scary guy is in the kitchen
now and corners me into the pantry. We had a big pantry
at that house.. I was always afraid of it and there
I was cornered in it. He walked towards me and ripped
my blouse and hiked up my skirt and I woke up in a pool
of my own sweat, drank some water and was able to fall
asleep again soon after.
Dream Three:
I am walking through the neighborhood I live in now
and it is completely abandoned. It is quiet and the
sun is stuck in about to rise position. There is no
train passing by and no cars on jamboree. I hop on my
bike and go to ants house and the door is open but there
is no furniture in there. It is bare as if no one had
ever lived there. I run to the stairs on the second
floor and look into the mirror he has at the bottom
and I cant see myself in it. I have no reflection. I
run out and hop on my bike again headed for home. There
are no cars, no kids on razors, no people walking their
dogs. i run up the stairs into my bedroom and decide
to take a bath. I turn on the water a thick red substance
spews out. Its blood. I go onto the balcony on the second
floor and jump off. Before I hit the ground I wake up
in a pool of my own sweat for the third time. I go wash
my face. Drink some more water and was able to fall
asleep again.
Im not really this dark and morbid.. I don’t
know what the hell came over my dreams last night but
it was gnarly. I almost didn’t want to go back
to sleep because I was afraid I was going to have another
nightmare.
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Monday, September 19, 2005
Samy Shoguns Thought of the Day for all single women:
Guys might be hard to find BUT they sell batteries at
every store around town. |
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
I wish pride wouldn't get in the way when it came to
matters of the heart. |
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Friday, September 16, 2005
from jenny:
Never leave the one you Love for the one you Like
because the one you Like will definitely leave you for
the one they Love |
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
Don't waste your time on someone,
who isn't willing to waste their time with you. |
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
I have lived so many lives but not one at all.
nelly furtado – try |
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Beer #4 is when I usually start to get little tipsy.
My body feels a lot more relaxed and my eyes take approximately
1.6 seconds to focus on every new object that I glance
at. Thoughts get a lot less dreary and all I can think
of is eating. I want to eat yummy food. Food that makes
me happy. Different food, something new that I have
yet to try. The slow jams start shuffling on repeat
and I start to ponder… what a sappy drunkard ei
am.. |
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I wanted sushi tonight but I didn’t get it.
I haven’t been getting a lot of things I wanted
lately. |
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
free your mind
and ideas will follow.
you don’t have to be an artist to know
there’s magic in letting go
and throwing down lines,
letting your subconscious drive for awhile.
it’s an ideal way to discover ideas,
be playful and quash the inner critic.
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Monday, September 12, 2005
i worry i wont see your face
light up again.
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Monday, September 12, 2005
I got my mail today and decided to write on all my bills:
“Please forward to my future rich husband. –thx”
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Sunday, September 11, 2005
The dust has only just began to fall
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Saturday, September 10, 2005
bumper sticker:
"if youre gonna be on my ass, at least pull my
hair"
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Friday, September 9, 2005
Save a horse
Ride a cowboy
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Friday, September 9, 2005
you are only an adult when you are
willing to hear it, accept it and
love greater than you ever have before.
i am accepting my faults
please accept me.
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Thursday, September 8, 2005
run away with me.
lets explore the world with a dime and a camera.
i have yet to feel alive.
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Wednesday, September 7, 2005
I cant be that. I don’t have that. I am not that.
I will never be that.
this is me. this is all I can do. this is all I will
ever be.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2005
SEXTION E
1. girls don’t ever vent your frustrations to
a guy via email. I am absolutely 100% without a doubt
positive that as soon as he is done reading your bitching
and moaning email that he will forward it to every single
one of his homies, his coworkers and hell even people
he hasn’t talked to or seen in a couple years.
Then once those people get it, they will forward it
to their friends etc. etc. you get the drift. You have
single handedly just made yourself look like an absolute
idiot. You will be the topic of lunch conversation and
possibly dinner conversation for those that weren’t
able to read the email at work. Congratulations for
acting a fool. Word of advice, once you click send there
is no turning back. At least yell at him face to face,
that way there is no evidence.. unless of course he
has an iTalk and recorded it. At that point someone
will make a website of your stupid ass as seen in Exhibit
A: http://www.purevolume.com/troysmixtapeoflove .
2. guys don’t ever record yourself making kissing
noises, singing a kc and jojo song or saying “I
love you” one hundred billion times for your girlfriend.
You are such a fuckin fagnut. Please refer to Exhibit
A. Three days after making this tape she broke up with
his loser ass.
3. guy rule #1 at a club. Never ever ever buy a chick
a drink unless:
a) she is your friendgirl and her name is eileen OR
b) you have seen her in the light and still find her
attractive.
4. Girls you may have a hot little body and some tig-o-bitties
but damn use some listerine, floss, chew on gum or some
shit before going to a club. Whatever it takes to get
that grimy stench out yo mouth. No one wants to smell
your stank breath while bumping and grinding on the
dance floor. We shall call these girls “Bunny’s”.
Yes there are really girls out there named Bunny.
5. guys if you have a hard on while dancing with a chick
be kind, please rewind and back yourself up out of her
buttox region. You may think that she can’t tell
that you are in full erect position but here’s
a little secret: WE CAN TELL WHEN YOU HAVE A CHUBBY!
Personally I don’t really like being poked by
a woodpecker while getting my groove on the dance floor.
Tame your beast and let him come out to play when you
return to your cave.
6. FINE FINE.. i guess the guy side of me needs to add
: girls.. if you are gonna grind on some dude you better
expect a little pokeypokey. but hey look at it this
way.. isnt it better that you can feel it? at least
it means its gigante enough to make its way through
his jeans right?!
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Monday, September 5, 2005
"don’t hate me cuz you aint me"
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Sunday, September 4, 2005
you can't spell awesome without 'ME' !!!
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Saturday, September 3, 2005
you got the best of my heart.
the click five – time machine
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Friday, September 2, 2005
i am boycotting happiness.
just close your eyes and dance.
surrender and escape
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Thursday, September 1, 2005
Need time to clear the noggin
Things have been ruff
the guild league – a maze in greys
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Sitting directly smack dab on the middle of my forehead,
Dudley, refuses to go away. If you are keeping track
of my long list of zit names, this one is fresh off
the press.. I think im getting immune to proactiv or
something.. freakin Vanessa Williams, Jessica Simpson
and the artist formerly known as P. Diddy better reimburse
this shit if Dudley doesn’t go away stat! |
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Can someone please pull out the knife that has been
so strategically shafted into my back?
wax trail of tears painted a beautiful crimson river
of grief |
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Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Truth: The character of a human is tested most when
things go awry.
Moral: Don’t conceive your perception of someone
when things are good because your outlook of them can
be misguided.
Reality: I wouldn’t piss on him even if he was
on fire. |
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Monday, August 29, 2005
Another humbling moment.
I was at work early today for the first time ever and
a Teamquest worker came in because my warehouse manager
forgot to sign his time card. If you don’t know
what teamquest is its one of those temp agencies where
we hire warehouse workers for the day just to unload
our products when the inventory comes from the port.
my coworkers and I are heartless meanies when it comes
to them since none of em really speak English and they
kinda lop around and don’t work too hard. Yah
we’re such cracker bigots to a certain extent
which we really shouldn’t be because at least
they are working and making money rather than chillin
at home getting unemployment. Anyhows .. so he comes
in and totally speaks English like better than me. He’s
super nice and as Im looking for his paperwork to verify
that he in fact did work that day we started chatting
a bit. He said he had come in last week too but no one
was here so he wanted to get it signed.. he knows it
is only four hours but hey its better than nothing..
(fyi 4 hours at $10/hr.. do the math) then he started
talking about how he had to go paint his neighbors house
cuz they were gonna give him $100 and he’s trying
to save up to throw his daughter a birthday shindig..
wow ouch. I don’t know if he was throwing a pity
party at me but damn I was like wow. He actually didn’t
need to throw a pity story though because its not like
I could have paid him anymore so deep down inside I
know he was telling the truth. Just makes me think how
I can go out with my friends on a Friday night and blow
$100 on drinks and food and here there is someone that
is willing to paint a whole freakin house for $100.
shoot I don’t know if I would even paint a whole
house if someone paid me $1000. so stop and think before
wallowing in your sorrow of not being able to buy those
cool nike dunks you want off ebay or those diesel jeans
that are all ripped up like someone ran over em ten
times... sometimes seeing a smile on your daughters
face is worth painting a house.
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Sunday, August 28, 2005
SEXTION D
Theoretical Boobage
1. I have come to the conclusion that many girls get
fake titties simply to compensate for their ugly faces.
No matter how butt gross ugly she may be, attention
is immediately drawn to the top heavy silicon juggies
that are squeezed into the extra small shirts they try
to rock. This gets kinda nasty when they’ve got
some spare tire fat action spilling over their two sizes
too small jeans. Sorry chick… even big titties
wont hide that shit.
2. Im not hating all fake boobs though. There are a
small percentage of HOT girls that invest in fake boobs....
fuck aint nothing wrong with that. I see it as increasing
their stock, expanding their assets. Just beware of
these types of girls because fake titties or not, every
ripe fruit has an expiration date. Just picture magda
from something about mary.. ewww :shudder: those are
some titties gone wrong.. way wrong.
3. And dude seriouslyyyyyyy.. if you’re gonna
flaunt ur titties and have your nipple in complete cold
erect mode poking out your halter top all day long,
don’t get pissed when you catch people staring.
I'm going to stare, the guy next to me is going to stare
and every single person you walk by is gonna freakin
stare. If you didn’t want people to stare at your
tits then don’t wear a fuckin see through shirt
without a bra! Stop your whining and be stoked that
you are getting the attention you paid for.
4. Guys never ever everrrrrrrr and ever everrrrr buy
your girlfriend fake titties. The second they heal and
are ready for action she is definitely without a doubt
gonna leave your ass and youre gonna be stuck with her
titty bill. Don’t be a dumbass.. if you want a
girl that has big titties then go find one whos ex boyfriend
has ALREADY paid for them. it’s a win win situation
and now you got the titties without having to pick up
the tab.
5. Titty Cost Breakdown. If state of the art fake boobies
cost approx. $5k, consider this… if each glance
or a stare at the jugs was equivalent to 5cents, and
each time you flashed em or told someone to touch em
just to see what fake titties really feel like was equivalent
to 10cents then you would have your ish paid off in
no time. Its kinda like the saying.. If I had a nickel
for everytime you said “insert phrase here”
I would be a millionaire.. so flash them titties and
make them worth the big dent in your bank account..
6. But on an honest note, I don’t get why guys
will always claim that real boobs are nicer. The girl
side of me thinks that they just wouldn’t want
their chick to have fake titties with all the dudes
drooling over their girl. Big ego booster for her man
in the bedroom but unwanted attention when they are
out in public. I think that guys only say that real
boobs are better in front of girls with real (small)
boobs just to make them feel better about themselves
but deep down inside the guys would totally dig playing
with the fakies. I cant even count how many times I
have heard the comment “but there is only so much
you could do with fake tits” Umm I beg to differ..
I think there would be a whole freakin lot of things
you could do with big titties.. like whip cream, naughty
lingerie etc.. but I wont get into that.. maybe in a
future Sextion. All in all I don’t think fakies
would be that bad.. hey, id look better in a bathing
suit.. I could wear that sexy nurse outfit I have stuffed
in the bottom of my drawer.. but on the reals when it
comes down to it I don’t think I could deal with
the unwanted attention.. I would want someone to love
me for me not because of my tig-o-bitties. I guess I
gotta do it the natural way.. so here goes.. “dear
god.. why do you hate me so much? please please please
break me off some.. I must I must increase my bust!” |
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Thursday, August 25, 2005
NEW ADDED SEXTION C:
So I conducted a field test last night at a local Thursday
venue some of you may know as 330 in Brea. Some observations:
1. Sextion B #4 proven to be correct on many accounts.
Seriously you ugly ass trick.. you are like “the
back up to the back up to the back up plan”. don’t
be wearing those white spandex bolsa pants with your
99cent torn up thong underwear and fatty ass love handles
sticking out the sides and think you are hot shit….
And the cherry on top comments I heard last night were
classic.. “we’re lesbian.. we don’t
want to dance with boys..” umm reality check for
ya homegirl.. you are only claiming to be lesbian because
there are no boys that want to dance with YOU and your
UGLY friends. And the other comment was “we don’t
go for asian guys” I almost threw up and swallowed
it after I heard that.. for all of you that may not
have heard of or been to 330 in brea it is 99.9% filled
with asian people.. the other .1% is the one bartender
that looks like the singer from All American Rejects.
So seriously girls.. if you are gonna try to pull the
line that you don’t go for asian guys why the
hellllllllllll are you going to 330?
2. Voted best pick up line by eileenszymanski.com “Hey
I think I’ve seen you on myspace before!”
For all the boys out there this one is a sure conversation
starter.. this line can easily be followed by.. “ya
I like that one picture.. you know the one of yourself…
and that song on your page rocks.” Don’t
worry about never having seen her page before because
she is drunk and it is a certainty that she has a picture
of herself and a song playing on her page.
3. Bathroom Talk. This is what I hear while waiting
in line to tinkle at a club. “oh my god he is
soooo gross and he asked me to dance and I was like
helll no” ”did you see that bitch? Ya that’s
the one he’s with now. She is so ugly I don’t
know what he sees in her.” “do you think
he’s cute? Im so drunk I cant tell” “no
they aren’t real do you want to touch” “are
you okay in there? Do you need water?” “dude
my ex is here” “hey can you hand me some
toilet paper please? this stall is out” “I
am sooooooo fucking drunk” “hurry up fuck
I gotta take a piss” moral of the story.. girls
have potty mouths.
4. guys carrying around your helmet for your motorcycle
around the club is not sexy and doesn’t make the
girls want to pounce you any more than they would if
you weren’t carrying it around.
5. more guy bashing. Having a mullet where the tail
is dyed blond is not hot. Sorry. Its just a waste of
bleach if you ask me.
6. white people sweat a bus load. Trust me im part white
and if im getting my boogie on i should hire a hot towel
boy cuz ima be dripping by the end of the night. [pun
intended]
7. how many times can the dj play gwen steffani’s
“this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S” I know
im drunk but I can still spell and count how many times
you played that freakin song.
So some have said im a hater but I would rather think
of myself as an observer. This is just me and what I
see. Should you have a valid argument to contradict
my observations, please feel free to debate in the provided
the contact section. Thank you spank you. have a wonderiffic
day!
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Thursday, August 25, 2005
Today marks a profound and bittersweet milestone for
us, as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning.
And while we must continue on, we must also be grateful
to have been blessed with something that has so ably
guided us to where we are today. When there has been
so much love and happiness for something, it is natural
to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in
our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished
without considerable grief and sadness. And while our
sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the
sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright
light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future.
A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities,
in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed
in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow.
the prince and me. |
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005
my site went down today for the first time ever.
i apologize.. there seemed to have been a glitch in
my brain.
i think i offended someone unintentionally.
i hope you know that everything i write is written in
that moment and is 9 times out of 10 written to bring
out a chuckle to anyone that happens to cross this page.
these are things that happen to me or that i feel and
i want to be able to express that in words that are
collected throughout the course of the day. i need to
be myself and this is how i do it.
this is just me. |
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I figured out what a “blog” is. It is short
for “web log” woohoooo.. |
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Sparky’s back
Just a little insight
will make things right
Sextion A:
1. Word of advice to all of the sweet and nice girls
out there. if a guy says he doesn’t want to be
in a relationship right now he really means that he
just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with
YOU right now but he’ll have sex and hang out
with you until he finds someone better.
2. when a guy says he doesn’t want the title of
boyfriend and girlfriend because he likes the way things
are right now and doesn’t want to mess them up
it really means that he likes having sex with and hanging
out with you but doesn’t want to say he has a
“girlfriend” to a hot chick when he goes
out with the boys.
3. when a guy describes a girl as “really nice”
she’s ugly.
4. when a guy says a girl is “girlfriend material”
she’s ugly. Okay maybe not completely ugly just
not something that would make you look twice. Plus she’s
really nice. (see item#3)
5. if a guy really likes you he won’t talk about
having sex with you to his guy friends. He wouldn’t
want them to even try to imagine or fantasize you being
naked. If he doesn’t like you then trust me everyone
knows the play by play details on how many times/where/when
you guys boned. p.s. all his guy friends imagine you
naked when you see them.
6. if he wants to make it a blockbuster night there
are two possibilities to this. a) he wouldn’t
be caught dead with you in public. b) he wants to bone,
I mean do you really think he wants to watch “the
notebook ” for the bilionth time?
Sextion B:
im not a complete guy basher though. I have a lot of
guy friends and the guy side of eileen made me have
some insight yesterday as well.
1. guys.. don’t wait for the 3 day rule to call
a girl back. Call her back in 2 days.. because she’ll
be expecting you to call on the third.. calling her
in 2 is a pleasant surprise .. means your interested
but not hung up on her.. mysterious yet sincere.
2. the best way to learn about someone is to take them
to a buffet. You will surprisingly find out a lot about
them by studying their mannerisms and taste. I don’t
know about you but food is major when coming to a relationship!
3. girls don’t give your phone number to a guy
if you are planning on avoiding his calls when he finally
does get enough balls to contact you. That’s just
plain mean. You are a smelly pirate hooker! You look
like a blueberry! Why don't you go back to your home
on Whore Island! Oh and… you have bad hair. [anchorman
lol. Sorry couldn’t help it]
4. girls if a dude comes up to you at a club, he didn’t
come up to you because you are the hottest chick there,
he came up to you because you are less intimidating
than the hottest chick there that he REALLY wanted to
go up to. so stop acting like a bitch and talk to him..
you aint all that and should be stoked some dude even
came up to you in the first place. p.s. these type of
girls should try to avoid light in a club if at all
possible. Once the lights turn on that dude will definitely
be peacing out on your ugly ass.
5. parking lot pimping. Very similar to item#4. girls
if you get pimped in the parking lot its not what you
may think. He wasn’t following you around the
club and admiring you from afar in hopes of gaining
enough courage to ask you for your hand in a dance like
the prince charming you are dreaming about. Fuck no.
he is fuckin drunk and wants to bone. Anything everything.
Shoot if I had a dick and I was single I would want
to take some chick home and get my horizontal mambo
on too so I could at least feel accomplished for the
night and tell all my guy friends the play by play details
about the sexcapade. (see item#5 in sextion A above.)
And of course the grand finale.. The Rule of Thirds.
Being an artist by trade, one of the most popular 'rules'
in photography is the Rule Of Thirds. It works like
this: Imaginary lines are drawn dividing an image into
thirds both horizontally and vertically. You place important
elements of your composition where these lines intersect.
Using the Rule of Thirds you have to position things
relative to the edges of the frame, it helps get rid
of “tiny subject surrounded by vast empty space”
syndrome in order to produce nicely balanced pictures.
This is absolutely NOT what I am really referring to.
The Rule of Thirds that I am really talking about is
the one about boys and girls thanks to American Pie
2. (yes I watch a lot of movies.. we have tivo now..
im addicted)
The Rule of Thirds is when a girl says she has had sex
with “insert number here” of guys, multiply
it by three and that is the actual number of dudes she
has boned. On the other hand when a dude says he has
nailed “insert number here” girls, divide
it by three and that is in fact the actual notches he
holds on his headboard. Should the number divide unevenly,
round down because honestly.. your right and left hand
don’t count in your grand total. Even if you are
ambidextrous.
Hope this provides a little more insight to the difference
between girls and boys.. and if it didn’t
fuck you.. you didn’t have to read this shit anyways.
wow im harsh today. I think work is getting to me…………………. |
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Monday, August 22, 2005
the greatest pain is to look into someone’s eyes
and see emptiness.
a life one has not lived, not because they were never
given the opportunity but because they have cautiously
chosen not to. ignorant avoidance of moving forward.
the risk of getting hurt on a road that is forked in
divergence of the known.
the past may make a person but it is the future that
completes them.
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
Just run through the sprinklers with me. There is no
need to be afraid. |
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Saturday, August 20, 2005
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I cant explain myself at all. |
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Friday, August 19, 2005
Now Playing
All American Rejects – It Ends Tonight
Imogen Heap – Goodnight and Go
Kaskade – Everything
Phoenix and the Turtle – Pianos
Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek
Armor for Sleep – Awkward Last Words
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
I see myself in you.
If only you could see me now.
You’re little girl is all grown up.
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Revised:
... romances... are... a spectacular moment of light
in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity... |
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Tuesday, August 16, 2005
the word for today is FOUR
wow who woulda thunk it.
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Tuesday, August 16, 2005
If I were a monkey in a peanut butter jar..
would I be creamy or crunchy?
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Monday, August 15, 2005
work is so fuckin lame.
har har. i see a trend in my life.
why is it all so lame?
I wonder what it would be like if i just moved to ny.
i think i was bred for hustle and bustle not the same-o
lame-o
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
random
lying down in the middle of an intersection watching
the street light change
from green to yellow to red..
if only love was this easy
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
Something all men should understand:
Pick the right one to be in the foxhole with
and then when you're outside of the foxhole,
keep your dick in your pants.
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Saturday, August 13, 2005
i didnt do shit today. i am so fuckin lame.
i would be bored of myself if i had to hang out with
me. |
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Friday, August 12, 2005
i had super major anxiety attack yesterday.
it was a trip. i couldnt sleep for the life of me. i
kept tossing and turning. i even tried to sleep upside
down with my feet where my head should be and i couldnt
do it. i must've tinkled about 7 times. everytime i
closed my eyes i felt like i was on a swing with my
head swung back in that weird tummy dropping euphoria
state just in this case it wasnt quite euphoric. it
was more like being possessed by the spirits of the
ouija board past. we were talking about the ouija board
today. i dont know if it conjured up bad memories of
my past or if i was tripping or being a complete panzzzzzzeeeeeeeee
but argh so i finally filled the bathtub with crazy
hot water to calm myself down. oddly enough after an
hour sitting in the tub staring at the ceiling i was
able to get in my jammies and fall asleep. by this time
the sun came up and i had about 2 hours until work.
what a sucky night.
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
Rule # 1 – Never leave a fellow Crasher
behind. Crashers take care of their own
Rule #2 – Never use your real name.
Rule #3 – Never confess.
Rule #4 – No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 – Never let a girl get between you and
a fellow Crasher.
Rule # 6 – Do not sit in the corner and sulk.
It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention
to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 – Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 – Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 – Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 – Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 – Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 – Of course you dream of one day having
children.
Rule #13 – Bridesmaids are desperate – console
them.
Rule #14 – You're a distant relative of a dead
cousin.
Rule #15 – Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 – Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 – Every female wedding guest deserves
a wedding night.
Rule #18 – You love animals and children.
Rule # 19 – Toast in the native language if you
know the native language and have practiced the toast.
Do not wing it.
Rule #20 – Always have an early "appointment"
the next morning.
Rule #21 – Make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 – You have a wedding and a reception
to seal the deal.
Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 – There's nothing wrong with having seconds.
Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 – If you get outted, leave calmly. Do
not run.
Rule #25 – You understand she heard that but that's
not what you meant.
Rule # 26 – Of course you love her.
Rule #27 – Don't over drink. The machinery must
work in order to close.
Rule #28 – Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 – Always be a team player. Everyone needs
a little help now and again.
Rule #30 – You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #31 – Girls in hats tend to be proper and
rarely give it up.
Rule #32 – Don't commit to a relative unless you're
absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 – Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 -. Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 – Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #39 - Your favorite movie is "The English
Patient".
Rule #40 - No "chicken dancing" – no
exceptions.
Rule #41 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket
to the pavement.
Rule #42 – The way to a woman's bed is through
the dance floor.
Rule #43 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls
will think you're "sweet."
Rule #44 - If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war
medals. You'll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #45 – You forgot your invitation in your
rush to get to the church.
Rule #46 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's
close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an
invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just
smells like crashing.
Rule #47 - If two rival crashers pick the same girl,
the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully
yield.
Rule #48 - Always remember your fake name!
Rule #49 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred.
Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #50 – When your crash partner fails, you
fail. No man is an island. |
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine.."
Yes, I'll be just fine.
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
today you should thank your mom for having
you.
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Tuesday, August 9, 2005
when does the bickering become pointless,
to the point
where you forgot what you were bickering about?
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Monday, August 8, 2005
Does that piece of paper really matter all
that much. Do those three letters in the alphabet that
show proof of a higher level of education really get
you that much further in life? All the material things
in the world don’t matter if they fail to bring
a smile to your face at the end of the day. I wonder
what percentage of the world’s population actually
loves what they do. Love, what a strong word.
I read in the Orange County Business Journal today that
surf, skate, snow is a multi-billion dollar industry
now. It’s a mystery then why the hardest working
people in that industry make $15/hr if that. I must
say that it is quite noble that one of the major players
in that world still resides in a trailer in laguna beach.
That must be the life. Living in a trailer at the oceans
doorstep and owning a million dollar clothing company.
Sigh.
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Sunday, August 7, 2005
Swimming in a pool of shallow.
That’s all its been this time. Striving so hard
to be successful when everyone around you is miles ahead.
I am definitely in the wrong industry.
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Saturday, August 6, 2005
3am every night on the dot. That’s when
the walls start to shake and the ground starts to rumble.
As the train honks its horn and zooms by, I wonder how
the heck these Irvine townhomes that are so close to
the train tracks can be worth half a million dollars
and are increasing in value every day at an exponential
rate. Go figure.
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Tuesday, August 2, 2005
I just realized I have worn every single shade
of pink nail polish for the past 5 years. wOw.
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Monday, August 1, 2005
I had dinner with my best friend tonight.
She called me out of the blue wanting to meet up. I
dropped everything and jumped on the opportunity to
see her. She is a beautiful woman. I remember the first
day I met her was at orientation for 7th grade at hillside
junior high. Her mom, being the social butterfly she
is, came up to my mom and said “hoy, Filipino
ka ba?” .. and so it began. She wore the neato-ist
maroon chucks and believe it or not I was shorter than
her.. no joke. We used to get different color rubber
bands on our braces to match what we were wearing, we
used to take pictures at sears because we thought we
were cool little asian gangsters, we used to wear huge
ass pants and steal at the mall.. err actually I was
the good one that stayed at summer school while they
all went to meet up the boys in the valley. We went
through confirmation together and watched the scary
video that freaks you out into never having premarital
sex ever ever ever. We fell asleep in the bleachers
at a rave and stuck our heads in her grimy, sludgy fish
tank after one too many shots of jose cuervo and a game
of truth or dare. I’ve felt her boobies. They
are quite nice. I’ve cleaned up her throw up once
and she’s cleaned up mine many many times. She
has the raddest fashion sense. I always adored her keen
style. She has great taste in music and is probably
who I should thank for keeping me in tune with the hip
hop I don’t want to stop scene. Don’t let
her gullible shell fool you, this girl is extremely
intelligent and can accomplish anything if she puts
her mind to it. she wont let anything hold her back
and will keep trying until she gets what she wants.
April is an amazing person and although our paths have
skewed in different directions the past couple of years,
she will always be the one I will call with the latest
gossip and one day she better throw my raging bachelorette
party w00tw00t.
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Sunday, July 31, 2005
saw my mommy.
i miss her.
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Saturday, July 30, 2005
go rent "The Game" at blockbuster.
it is a trip.
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Friday, July 29, 2005
I do believe it’s true, that there are
roads left in both of our shoes
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
There are 3 kinds of people in this world.
The one that watches things happen,
The one that makes things happen,
And the one that wonders what happened.
today BB turned into TT.
despite the fact that i have made shit happen here,
at the meeting today i watched shit happen and
after it was done i wondered what the fuck happened.
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Lucky & Stucky
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
identity theft sucks. how can someone in korea
drain my bank account ?
hmppfFFfff not stoked right now.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Phantom Planet – Something Is Wrong
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Monday, July 25, 2005
South - Fragile Day
An angel lost it's wings
Amongst the bags of things
Disclosed amounts of greed
Creep in daily
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Sunday, July 24, 2005
You Have To Kiss Many Frogs Before You Find
A Prince
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Friday, July 22, 2005
Seashells, a plastic dinosaur, and a miniature
yellow dumptruck are some of the items that are for
sale in the display case at wimpys submarines. You cant
beat a roast beef sandwich and a corona for lunch there.
That’s how we do… its nice to know that
my boss wont get mad for drinking a beer during my lunchbreak
since technically I am my own boss... The little Korean
lady never remembers me. Every time I go there she asks
for my id and every single time she replies.. “oh
you look so young.. I so sorry”… its cute.
As I was waiting for my grub behind the Budweiser “the
party’s over here” streamers, 2 guys walked
in and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their
conversation since we were the only people in the entire
joint.
From 58 miles below the border of mexico all the way
to 58 miles below the border of Canada. That’s
where this guys new house on an 800 acre plot of land
was going to be completed in 3 days. “I’m
gonna watch the sunrise on my porch and watch the sun
set in my backyard.” Kills all the hypocritical
assumptions one can make. I guess this is the land where
dreams do come true.
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
I work with germans.. they are intense. I got
this email today.. I think they forgot to press the
translate button before sending.
HN: Von den Mustern hatten wir selber nur das eine.
Ich frag mal bei SM nach wie wir weiterverfahren sollen.
SB
SB: Bitte nochmal 1 Muster rüberschícken,
vorher SM fragen ob Vorgang noch aktuell ist. HN |
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Going through heartsickness alone is like having
brain surgery without anesthesia.
Curiosity killed the cat and I read..
"..new dilemma presented, no longer the sole subject
of her glance."
it's like my favorite quote ever "i breathe by
your looks, but you look right through me"
You could either sit there and wallow in the loss or
you can succumb to the reality that you should not live
for someone.. you should live for yourself. you are
both your biggest critic and your biggest fan. things
tend to fall into place over time.. timing is everything.
"I'd throw away all the technology in the world
in return for that simple and long-forgotten joy of
hearing the "beep-beep-beep" coming from my
pocket... and seeing those three digital numbers on
the screen... 823"
sigh: if things could only be this simple again.
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
My mom gave me some important advice today
on the phone,
“Don’t get pregnant, Don’t date a
gay guy and most importantly, Don’t get pregnant
by a gay guy”
I could not stop laughing.. gotta love her...
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
All morning long people have been calling me
asking for Anna. What the freak?!?! After the 6th phone
call I asked the guy where he was calling from and he
said that someone by the name of Anna had filled out
an online application and typed in my cell phone number
as her daytime phone. so this online application ended
up getting blasted to just about every freakin mortgage
company nationwide or some ish.. arGHGHghghgh.. darn
you ANNA!
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
There is one fatal problem with stingy, rich
people,
they step over dollars to pick up pennies.
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I was at the court house today and it was almost
like chicken little because I think the sky fell on
me…. or maybe it was the bum I tripped over on
my way to the county recorders office. So here’s
how it went down… as usual I was in a super rush
to finish the millions of things I needed to do today
all in the span of 30 mins. I was shuffling intently
through my notary public folder to make sure I had all
my documents in order to take the oath today and make
it official. I guess the blond is really getting to
me but I totally tripped on some dude that was laying
on the ground. I felt so bad you cannot even believe
how bad I felt. But seriously there should be signs
designating where you can lay down and take a 3pm nap.
He was literally blocking the sidewalk path to my destination.
Luckily he was chill about it and asked if I had any
money.. I rummaged frantically through my purse and
thought.. ‘I wonder if he takes atm?’
As I walked back to my car, I made it a point to walk
on the complete other side of him.. then I noticed he
was no longer there.. a crowd of them had formed around
a little stand and they were getting free foooooood!
That’s when I kind fumed out the ears. Don’t
get me wrong, I am as sensitive as the next person about
the diverse economic dynamics of our society but geepers,
if I could take a nap at 3pm and get free food every
day what the hell am I doing working so hard trying
to make ends meet?!
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Monday, July 18, 2005
It has come to my attention that I have not
posted new tunes in a very very long time. There are
two reasons for this..
1. I’m selfish. yup selfish. plain and simple..
selfish. I don’t want to share. There are honestly
a select few that get to receive the “eileen song
of the day/week”… sorry life’s tough.
2. I am freaking lazy. My mp3s are so unbelievably unorganized
that I think I have about 6 folders titled “New
Mp3s” the first one created dates back to 1998
when napster still ruled.. I even got a new external
hard drive as a present (thank you spank you) and tried
to transfer all my mp3s to start organizing it using
itunes but there were just too damn many! Arghghghg..
if there is anyone out there <coughJIMMYcough>
that has a program that can organize this crap please
please please save me from tearing my hair out because
I don’t think I could pull off a bald head despite
my quirky sense of fashion.
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
Why are guys so lame?
I was at the grocery trying to pick a juicy salmon to
cook for dinner and some random dude strolls up and
says “so your cooking me salmon for dinner? My
favorite!!”
How repulsive. |
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Saturday, July 16, 2005
What I have named my zits in the past 3 months:
Drake
Darwin
Durfy
Deeder
Dirk |
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Friday, July 15, 2005
My sisters appendix ruptured today. I was wiggin
out. My mom freaked out too. I just saw my sister on
Sunday in frisco and she was all fine and dandy. I guess
late last night she had a severe pain in the side of
her tummy that she thought might just be indigestion
or what not but the pain became unbearable so my “future
brother in law” rushed her to the emergency room.
He is such a knight in shining armor. He stayed with
her all night while they did a cat scan and an mri or
whatevers and surgery was scheduled for this morning.
I was glad to see her looking better when I got there..
eyebrows all in tact hehe. I always tease her cuz even
if she is super sick or just woke up her eyebrows always
look super good. She’s blessed with nice ones.
lol. Okay all the boys reading this right now are like
ummm great eileen. I guess it just goes to show that
even though my sister and I aren’t two peas in
a pod or know every single detail about each others
lives.. and despite the fact that she thinks im the
biggest brat ever and I think she is the most sensitive
individual on the planet we still love each other and
will always be there for each other when the going gets
rough. I love you t joy. Get better soon! [ya eww I
said the L word] |
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
It is a true reality that ideas are a dime
a dozen.
An idea will only be an idea unless it is materialized
with capital.
Loyalty is overrated.
It is time for survival of the fittest mode.
The one that talks the most is the one that buys.
It is better to shut up, take notes, analyze, and attack
when the other is vulnerable.
1000 capital units at $100/unit
of zero is zero.
My laptop runs the company.
If I leave, I will leave with all the knowledge in my
head
and nothing but porn and illegally downloaded mp3s on
my laptop.
HeHe. |
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Dear Faithful Readers of the Rants and Raves
of EileenSzymanski.com,
I got an email from my Australian Distributor today
and he ended the message by saying,
“Are you on Skype?” umm what the heck does
that mean? I thought I was pretty down with eileenglish
but this obviously is not in my vocabulary. If you should
have a distant cousin down in aussie, or are familiar
with and understand the meaning of this word, please
contact me at your earliest convenience to discuss.
Thank you for your immediate response, I look forward
to hearing from you soon.
Yours Truly,
Eiski
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Whoa have you seen the new nickels? What a
trip.. that dude’s head is super big side view
profile styles now. |
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Monday, July 11, 2005
Kate: Love is a mindfield, you take a step
and get blown to pieces, put yourself back together
again and stupidly take another step. I guess thats
human nature, it hurts so much to be alone that we'd
all rather blow-up than be single.
Adam Levy: Two people can be perfect for each other
but if the timing's wrong its never going to work out.
Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end
up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cuz they are
weird and creepy but people like us are single because
of bad timing. |
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
“the cheese sandwiches with just the
single cheese slice in the plastic wrap are unique”
I once saw a movie that I absolutely fell in L with..
it is called “Love & Sex” released in
2000. it was about relationships.. It scared away the
skeptic in me for the whole hour and half and for that
brief moment I actually felt like I understood.
The movie talked about the use of the word “love”..
basically love is just a four letter word, so why are
people so afraid to use it or say it? Neither of the
lead characters wanted to say it despite the fact that
they both felt it and showed it to one another .. neither
of them wanted to be the first to bow down and say it…
so they came up with another way to express it…
you can use any word imaginable to express love…
like “I blegh you” or “I squish you”
so the movie came up with “I cheese sandwich you”..
so later in the movie on their anniversary years later,
the dude sent his chick a singing midget that delivered
a “cheese sandwich” to her work. It was
the cutest thing ever. moral of the story is, if you
feel it and you show it, there is no need to say it
because there is not one word in the english language
that can express that unconditional feeling. |
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Saturday, July 9, 2005
Suede : Frisco
Inconsequential. That is what most arguments
typically are. We do not like to be wrong nor do we
like to be proven wrong. When someone apologizes its
hard to just accept it and move on. It takes a while
for the brain to analyze the situation, gulp and realize
that it was inconsequential.
Words can accept the apology but does the heart ever?
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Friday, July 8, 2005
Pick up line that I will let you borrow:
Stare at a girl deeply in her eyes.. when she asks what
you are staring at reply,
“I don’t want to blink and miss a second
of your beauty”
works every time.
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Thursday, July 7, 2005
The only way to make money in a casino
is to own one. |
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Thursday, July 7, 2005
Did you know that Kraft is owned by phillip
morris?
Good advice from the wise samy shogun:
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
You gotta make sure to cross-polinate. |
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Wednesday, July 6, 2005
I was eating my roomie today and he made some
super interesting arguments.
Argument1: “Girls don’t respect
guys.”
At first I was a little taken back like doubleyoo-tee-eff-mate
but then I realized that he didn’t mean girls
don’t respect guys the way middle eastern women
respect their men (by doing every freakin little thing
plus wipe their ass for them).. he meant that women
don’t respect guys feelings. I never really looked
at it from a guys perspective before because being a
girl and all I find it easier to agree with the female
as being the wounded lamb in most relationships, especially
with what ive been through, but females can be quite
vicious creatures. Females can always get what they
want. Guys can argue with me all day long about this,
but “drop the panties and the boys will come”.
Specimen A: Take relationship girl.. I think girls
use sex as an evil invisible collar that they strap
on to their men. As much as guys go out and holler at
other chicks when they chill with their bros they know
who they want to go home to at the end of the day because
the invisible sex collar leads them back to their wifey.
Its all good till they get caught slippin then they
slap themselves silly thinking about how the hoodrat
chicks they met were sooooo not worth it compared to
their girl.. humans I swear.. you never know what you
have until its gone.
Specimen B: Take singledom girl. Single chicks like
attention. They want as many guys as they can to have
them as their number one priority, she just doesn’t
want all the guys to know about eachother. When she
feels like one is dropping off on the attention momentum
she bumps up the charm to get him back on track. It’s
a vile ploy to keep her pawns on the gameboard until
she checks a mate. Sorry to give away single girl secret
number one but I had to tell it like it is.
Conclusion girls are cruel and malicious. But I don’t
think guys should blame girls completely. I think the
girls above are victims of that one bad apple that they
encountered along their dating journey through life.
It only takes one bad guy to f*ck a girl up in the head
and turn her into specimen A or B mentioned above. So
in reality, it’s a simple case study of cause
and effect… guys should blame the guy that turned
the girl into the evil person she is today cuz its guys
like that who f*ck shit up for the rest of the herd.
Hence, I will hide in my cave and peak out when the
coast is clear so as not to turn into Specimen A or
B.
Argument2: “Dress like a slut, get treated
like a slut”
I would have to agree.. I’m sick and tired of
listening to the “thursday chicks” whine
at a club about how they cant find a good guy, one that
likes them for who they are, that actually cares about
them more than just hitting and quitting.
Okay I have 2 things to respond to that
1) guys at clubs aren’t thinking about the storybook
wedding on the beach with roses and flower petals and
music and doves and all that bullsh*t.. they just wanna
attend the party that’s in your pants and get
their cake.
2) how you gonna wear a one inch skirt and a tube top
with half your titty hanging out and expect a guy to
look deep into your eyes? Something tells me he probably
isn’t too interested with what you got goin on
upstairs but wants to turn the lights on in the basement
you dig.
So for all you GMAT alumni’s or current MBA students
I will parse the argument below:
C: (Conclusion) = skeet skeet skeet’s can’t
find guys that truly, madly, deeply, care about them.
P: (Premise) = dress like a slut, get treated like a
slut.
A1: (Assumption1) = Assuming all other factors remain
constant
A2: (Assumption2) = Assuming if half a girl’s
titty is hanging out she will find a guy that only wants
to bone her.
And just for the record:
C: I do not.. I repeat do not dress like a slut.
P1: You will never see me flaunting my tummy
P2: You will never see me wearing a backless shirt
P3: You will never see me rocking a skirt with my budonkadonk
ass cheeks hanging out
P3: I would not be caught dead wearing anything remotely
revealing my boobies. (bathing suits included)
A1: Assuming I do not magically become a stripper overnight.
(sorry some business school humor.. I had to throw
it in here) |
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Tuesday, July 5, 2005
I now have a metal stick lodged in my stomach
somewhere. Well hopefully its down in my stomach because
last night it unfortunately was still situated in my
throat. Stupid tongue piercing… first I noticed
the ball gone, shrugged oh well and my boner retardedness
put the bar back in so I could continue eating. Not
more than two bites later the whole bar was missing
in action. Boooooo. |
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Monday, July 4, 2005
I saw a picture today
and felt a sharp pain in the left side of my chest somewhere
near my heart.
I could almost hear the sounds you used to make
and that familiar smell of comfort. |
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Monday, July 4, 2005
This has probably been the most un-eileen
weekend ever in all of 2005. I stayed home on Friday
and Saturday night. Yes it is true. I stayed home. Can
you believe that? No really.. I shit you not. I stayed
home. I felt so queezienasty on Saturday I think I ate
some not so cooked meat at the beach cuz my tummy was
growling world war III moans like no other so I watched
wildboyz on mtv and called it a night. Those guys are
insane/gay/freakin retarded. Some of the things they
do on that show are just plain stupid. But it did cop
some laughs out of me so I guess I cant knock it. |
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Sunday, July 3, 2005
you will never know what you are missing until
it arrives. |
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Saturday, July 2, 2005
your longs are arm |
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Friday, July 1, 2005
And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
wow. im home on a friday night at midnight..
stranger things have happened throughout the course
of today.. |
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Thursday, June 30, 2005
I never really appreciated my job until today.
I went to wendys and gave my money to the lady at the
drive thru. She must have been at least 70 years old
give or take a couple of years and after I gave her
a $20 bill she tried to give me a $20 bill and $4 dollar
bills as change. I promptly corrected her and watched
as she got extremely mad at herself for giving me the
wrong change. I assured her it was alright but she commented
by saying “when you get old like me everything
starts looking the same.. good thing you noticed or
I would have been fired..” so two things ran through
my mind at that point.
One- why is a lady that is old enough to be my grandmother
still working at wendys? and
Second- can you really get fired from wendys for being
$20 short on your drawer at the end of the day?...
it boggles my mind to think that she should be home
playing with her grandkids or knitting or watching price
is right or something and here she is working at wendys
getting frustrated at herself for giving me the wrong
change. I don’t know what her circumstances are
in regards to whether she WANTS to work there as opposed
to HAS to work there but nonetheless, would you want
to see someone as old as your grandmother working hard
like that for a measly minimum wage? I felt so bad..
It was at that point I felt ashamed of myself for taking
my job for granted.
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Thursday, June 30, 2005
‘A person is never happy except at the
price of some ignorance.’
-Sometimes I regret the moments when life revealed its
wisdom. I should have succumbed to ignorance. I miss
my happiness.-
She took the words right out of my mouth.
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Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Aww summertime.
The sun is shining, the waves are hitting the beaches
and the kids are ready to play.
And while all this hustle and bustle is crackin, at
least 98% of all my friends are stuck in their cubicles
trying to bring home the bacon.
Is this what life has succumb to? Confinement in these
5 foot makeshift walls?
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005
At what point is too much too much?
Anxiety is a bitch. Feeling a bit out of my element
lately.
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Monday, June 27, 2005
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter
lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely
disappointed in the future.
[How sad that we eventually become cynics. We like to
call it "jaded", "guarded" or "defensive"
but no matter how you dress it up it's still an excuse
not to try whatever it is that we in fact afraid of.
People always claim to be brave or to be risk takers
but when it comes to the heart we are all just cowards.
Happiest are the people who actually follow through
on matters of love until the end.] cb.
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Sunday, June 26, 2005
You're the color,
you're the movement and the spin.
fail with consequence,
lose with eloquence
and smile.
never leave me paralyzed, love.
leave me hypnotized, love.
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Saturday, June 25, 2005
freakin asian gangsters from the hood
i wish i had a video camera last night so i could have
recorded the shuffle
i would play it in slow motion for ya and play the baywatch
theme in the background |
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Friday, June 24, 2005
Ever feel like life is counting down instead
of up?
If I had one wish it would be to be a kid again
My response to mr. samy shogun:
You are fucking adorable
It’s a freakin curse
Women just cant handle you
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Thursday, June 23, 2005
I think the hottest thing ever is to see a
super cute guy sport his wedding ring with pride and
not be able to stop talking about his wife after being
married for years. I guess there are really guys out
there that can make the commitment and not be sketchy
on the sidelines.
At what point can a person set aside their insecurities
and realize that the other person is being true? Do
the insecurities only end when you say I do? And even
then… there’s always divorce? Ugh. So pessimistic
I am these days. |
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
If you limit your choices only to what seems
possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from
what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.
Look up into the sky and never forget the boundless
view. |
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Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs for
you will miss future joy.
-Euripides |
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Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Studying for the gmat. Do people really care
about this shit in the real world? i.e.
The –ing form of a verb or present participle
can be used as a noun and in such case it is called
a gerund. Who the hell named that shit? A gerund? Sounds
like some animal you would stick up your ass. Wow okay
tone it down Eileen.. sorry studying for this sucks.
Ate shabu shabu last night and concluded that harry
is the most wise Americanized Japanese man I have ever
met. Calling out the 12 o’clock rice bowl to 6
o’clock and hovering over us to make sure we didn’t
over cook the grade A meat. He started talking about
History and I learned many important things:
1) George Washington caught pneumonia from walking through
some snow fields after boning a slave in her quarters
2) Benjamin Franklin was an old dirty man that liked
to have sex with multiple dirty women
3) Thomas Jefferson like to boink his slaves too
Wow didn’t know you could learn about Sex and
American History while eating shabs.
So my coworker was late to work today..
his excuse was he was dreaming he was cuddling with
jenna jameson and didn’t want to get up.
The fruit cake lady is bad ass.
My husband wants to have sex with me all the time..
what should I do?
<in the most hick accent> Say NO. say HELLLLLLLLLL
no. simple as that.
freakin hilarious
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Monday, June 20, 2005
my old roomie cracks me up:
pseudo boyfriend...hmm...sounds just like my last job..
i get a cool title, but no benefits : P -pchoi
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Monday, June 20, 2005
"Perhaps the feelings that we experience
when we are in love represent a normal state.
Being in love shows a person who he/she should
be." -Anton Chekhov
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Monday, June 20, 2005
Despite the language barrier,
facial expressions and tonality in speech can be universal.
There is nothing that can touch the heart more
than listening to a father that has just lost his son.
May you wander peacefully with the angels and watch
over us with your grace
Mr. Benjamin Vu.
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Sunday, June 19, 2005
i went to the cemetary today for daddys day
and i couldnt believe how many flowers i saw carpeting
the lush green hills. every year it surprises me more
than the last. funny how on non-holiday days the lush
green hills are covered with dryed leaves and branches
with a few scattered wilting roses here and there..
i guess it takes a designated holiday for people to
get off their asses and bring flowers to their departed
loved ones. happy fathers day daddy. i miss you.
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Saturday, June 18, 2005
forward paddle
high side
six men overboard
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Friday, June 17, 2005
Words of wisdom from sam woo fortune cookie.
-Be smart but never show it.
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Friday, June 17, 2005
male response to question about girl he just
met...
"She's nice but i wouldnt enjoy her twice"
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Thursday, June 16, 2005
MY CONTACT PAGE WORKS NOW!!!!! can we say
WoW?!
try it try it... CLICK
HERE <<<<-------- ---------- ---
thank you tony you rock! |
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
im taking the princeton review for my Gangster-Masters-Admission-Test
ima handle my MBA/JD
watch out world this chick is gonna rock it as a CEO..
I felt like a weirdo when I walked in cuz everyone was
all normski in there and I cruised in wearing a camo
jacket, ripped jeans and pink heels.. lol. sight to
be seen :chuckle: |
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Tuesday, June 14, 2005
make them stop.
the nightmares are getting harder to deal with.
funny how your scent can linger long after you have
left me.
copeland - part time lover |
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Monday, June 13, 2005
my weakness is
i care too much |
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Sunday, June 12, 2005
Some very important things I learned about
wine this weekend:
1. Pinot Noir is pronounced “Pee-Know Know-Are”
2. “Brix” is the drip system used to water
vineyards
3. If a wine barrel has a plug at the top it is called
a “Bung”
and the hole it is covering is called the “Bung
Hole” [keke]
4. If you swirl the wine you can really actually smell
things..
like green apples.. it’s a trip. |
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Friday, June 10, 2005
Fischerspooner - Ersatz
i still see you in my eyes |
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Friday, June 10, 2005
who would you rather fuck?
a. a midget stripper with a tight ass
b. a criple with a cerebral palsy punch
c. a pumpkin that aint got no harm with her tick tock
arm
haha ok you had to be there.. just for the record i
didnt say the above so dont get harsh on me...
i love all peoples. |
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Thursday, June 9, 2005
I watched sideways yesterday. Interesting movie..
kinda dragged but when I think back to the overall storyline
and the taste it left in my mouth, it wasn’t as
sour as I thought.
It made me think about how we think our problems are
so horrible at the moment they occur but in reality
there are worse things that can happen to you. For example,
I am 24. I feel like ive been pretty jaded by the whole
relationship, soul-mate, love lost, I think you’re
the one but maybe you aren’t roller coaster of
emotions but in respect to the timeline of life all
this heartache is just the beginning. It is only human
nature that we put our guards up after getting hurt
because we refuse to get hurt in the same way all over
again… I don’t want to sound cynical but
if you haven’t watched sideways you can stop reading
right now.
Its about this one dude who was married to this chick
that basically was “the one” for him.. to
simplify for the sake of less reading/typing, she loved
wine just like he did and had one of the most sensitive
pallets ever.. somehow along the way she started making
him feel like shit so it drove him to have an affair
with Becky.. (ya um not a good excuse and ewww I hate
that name because a certain cheerleader in high school
had the same name that skeeeeetskeetskeet) but anyhow..
they got divorced and luckily didn’t have any
kids even though he wanted some but at least it wasn’t
a messy divorce.. so he thought he was over it but he
finally realized he lost a good thing when he found
out she got remarried.. so the dudes best friend gets
married and he saw his ex wife at the wedding .. she
introduced him to her new husband and he took it like
a man.. so im gonna rephrase this in eileenglish since
I cant remember exactly what they said:
Dude: “well I’m stoked you’re happy..
now lets go to the reception and get our wine on”
Chick: “um no drinking for me”
Dude: “What the heezy? You stopped drinking wine?”
Chick: “well I’m pregnant”
Ouch. I know its hard to conceptualize the impact of
this conversation if you haven’t seen the movie
yet, especially since its in eileenglish, but when I
heard her say that my heart dropped. Its one thing to
lose someone you were dating or to lose your girl/boyfriend
of 4 years but its another thing to lose the one you
were married to and find out that they are remarried,
happier than they were when they were with you and to
top it off they are now bringing a new life into this
world that you had no part of. Ouch.
Marriage Fear Factor Scale from (1-10: 1 being least
scared and 10 being mortified) is now equivalent to
10.
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its not like me to wear it on my sleeve
count on that for sure.
-jimmy eat world
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Wednesday, June 8, 2005
Got a call from my roommate from college. He
was such a fun guy to hang around.. taught me a lot
about life..boys..guns..police dogs.. lol much like
an older brother..
So hows the boy situation?
Just remember your stock expires with your old age.
Your stock may be high now but I just don’t want
to see you settling.
Aww words of wisdom from “the man.” He
was such a pimp.. new girls shoes at the bottom of the
stairs, all different sizes, everytime I came home..
despite his rico suaveness, he taught me a lot about
proper dating etiquette since I was the biggest tomboy
at the time. I was such a young little tadpole.. sigh.
Funny how much you can change in seven years.
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Wednesday, June 8, 2005
does he give you the heebie geebies?
i had a profound brain thingy and i want you to have
my crown.
umm.. i cant take your crown
no worries i have a bigger one with a gecko on it..
look at it jiggle
since when did lemurs from madagascar have indian accents? |
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Tuesday, June 7, 2005
funny how a crayola crayon entitled portabello
can stir up emotion.
oddly fascinating.
yeah i know what you mean... getting hurt sucks we're
all human... were gonna get hurt or hurt someone sooner
or later... forgiving is the hardest thing to do, i
think...
Some tension is necessary for the soul to grow, and
we can put that tension to good use. We can look for
every opportunity to give and receive love, to appreciate
nature, to heal our wounds and the wounds of others,
to forgive, and to serve. -- Joan Borysenko
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Tuesday, June 7, 2005
Honey I'm a prize and you're a catch
and we're a perfect match,
like two bitter strangers,
and now I see the long,
the short of it and I can make it last
I see the sunshine in your eyes,
I'll try the things you'll never try,
I'll be the one that leaves
you high...
pavement - spit on a stranger |
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Monday, June 6, 2005
i cooked adobo today
i'm becoming domesticized.. this is scary
:shudders:
my clothes are almost all organized now. the impossible
is almost achieved.
moving is a bitch. |
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Monday, June 6, 2005
So im in the shower this morning and I swear
this is where I can conceive all of my mind boggling
ideas. I’m gonna get computer geek for a second
so here’s the scenario. My quickbooks on my laptop
doesn’t work for some odd reason. I have vpn on
my laptop so I am definitely most productive at night
when I am able to correspond with our international
channel partners via email and the use of quickbooks
since anyone in business knows that your quickbooks
file is like gold. If my quickbooks file was erased
the entire company would go down. Luckily I have this
kick ass server that has a mirrored hard drive and we
do backups on a daily basis. Anyhows… so at work
I am always on my laptop but lately ive been having
to run to the other desk to log onto quickbooks so its
been especially cumbersome to be efficient lately because
most of the time I am the multi tasking queenbee. So
it finally hit me that I could totally just remote control
desktop my server from my laptop and log onto quickbooks
from my desk without running around.. err duuhhhh..
yup all you “IT” people are like umm Eileen
I could have told you that in a second but hey…
does it look like I was an ICS major?! I pay people
to do that sh*t. |
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Sunday, June 5, 2005
pink checkered vans size 5 toddler. charlene's
gonna be the most rockin 1 yr old in simi.
always a blast to see the old school homies.
chuckled at my justin timberlake doll. my room looks
like it got stuck in 1998.
i miss home home. |
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Saturday, June 4, 2005
shopping is my stress reliever... came up on
a stussy blazer size xs today. its a "wow"
fits perfect.
i'm limiting myself on buying only "wow" items
from now on. |
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Friday, June 3, 2005
danger dogs are absofreakinfantabulous after
getting all hot and sweaty in a club. |
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Friday, June 3, 2005
in reference to bringing the "wifeys"
to a club:
" why bring sand to the beach..right ? "
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in reference to FTF's:
"im just saying, keep the hands and feet in the
vehicle at all times..
let one head do the thinking
and that’s the one on top of your neck not below
the belt."
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in reference to the X factor's:
"if a man doesn't know how to treat a woman well
the first 2 times around...
well you can't make a tiger change its stripes."
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Thursday, June 2, 2005
Color is overrated.
Its all a façade.
Gotta dress the part to play the part.
I can see clearly
That there’s no love lost between us
Misguided, lost child, I pray for you
I hope that your lies can keep you warm
Handsome boy modeling school – greatest mistake
dl: natalie -energy
im diggin.
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Wednesday, June 1, 2005
Moving is a bitch. Im gonna miss my old apt..
lookin out the window on those rainy days and watching
the droplets softly caress the palm trees as they traveled
down the leaves. It was beautiful sitting on the balcony
gazing at the dimly lit office buildings that line jamboree.
My bathroom was enormous… and my closet was to
die for. Good good good times there have been within
these walls... But hey change is good right? Im moving
into a really awesome neighborhood.. looks like mr.
rogers neighborhood or something you would see in a
movie. It’s a place where everybody knows your
name and razoring down the newly paved streets is the
evening pastime. Its going to be an interesting summer
indeed. |
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Wednesday, June 1, 2005
Everytime when your name was brought up
I would act all nonchalant, in front of an audience
like you was just another shorty I put tha naughty on
why are you making me so insecuuurRr
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
whisper to me softly
i can hear you
amidst the crowd
dream of aching tragedy
crowds of familiar faces
heat of mysterious stares
kill me gently
i wouldnt want to wake you
in my slumber
watch me die a thousand times again
I just want to make it go away
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
E: nice hat
K: i got it from an old woman i found on a small raft
who knitted it while i drank tea from which she offered..
and then she whispered in my ear, "ruca"
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Quite possibly the best myspace message ever ever and
ever ever:
Date: May 31, 2005 1:40 PM
please answer for my class..who would you stomp on if
you were 1000 feet tall and explain in detail how youd
step on them?
RE: hi
i would step on my ex-best friend because..... umm yah..
and i have been severly jaded ever since.
i would squish her slowly, leaving the stripes from
my argyle sock
imprinted on her face while she screams in pain and
agony, begging for mercy.
does that suffice? |
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Sunday, May 29, 2005
there is something so wonderful about drinking
seven glasses of champagne then walking around the wynn
hotel a million times in an endless circle, buzzed from
3pm - midnight. |
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Saturday, May 28, 2005
fuck charles david. he is an evil man that
obviously does not know the shape of a womans foot.
hence the blister on my ankle dammit. |
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Friday, May 27, 2005
ant your voice is angelic
vegas count = 6
played pai gow. i lost. but the old taiwanese man betting
on my hands came up.
i didnt even get a tip boo. spilled beer on the table
cuz im such a klutzoid.
but hey i won BIG** at the atm. hardyharhar
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Friday, May 27, 2005
From the start it was shaky and the characters
rash,
A nice setting for heart ache where emotions come last
All I have deep inside, to overcome this desire
Of friendly intentions and fair-weather smiles |
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Friday, May 27, 2005
So I checked my friendster after a million
years and it is so intense now. They got all super high
tech showing bdays and horoscope signs.. wowie talk
about upgrade. Anyhows.. I haven’t gotten one
of these in awhile so I thought id share.. it still
cracks me up that people write this kinda stuff.. hardy
har har.
Date: Sunday, May 15, 2005 9:37:00 AM
Subject: Eileen my Teen Queen
Message: Eileen Eileen Eileen
So so so pristine
I don't want to be forward or mean
But you're one crazy teen
You're the girl of my dreams
So I'm looking forward to sleeping
I'll bring the peaches and cream
Eileen Eileen Eileen
You're a beautiful Queen
I'ld send you an empire
Made of love never before seen.
HAHAHAHAHA. I'm drunk but I tried.
Name: Long
E-mail: xxxxx@hotmail.com
Sex: Not yet
(I left out his email so he doesn’t get emails
saying how corny he was)
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MISSING IN ACTION
green volcom belt with pink puzzle pattern. if you happen
to find it please return.
I miss it a lot :sniffsniff:
p.s. santa ana has some gnarly roaches. icky. |
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
The Inspirer
Extraversion
Intuition
Feeling
Perceiving
As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally,
where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with
things according to how you feel about them, or how
they fit in with your personal value system.
ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very
bright and full of potential. They live in the world
of possibilities, and can
become very passionate
and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them
the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so
than we see in other types. They can talk their way
in or out of anything. They love
life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make
the most out of it.
ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents.
They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented,
they may go through several different careers during
their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless
and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent,
in that they have a strong sense of values
which they live with throughout their lives. Everything
that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP
needs to feel that they are living their lives as their
true Self, walking in step with what they believe is
right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a
continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to
achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat
fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional
excitement is usually an
important part of the ENFP's life, and because they
are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP
is usually an intense individual,
with highly evolved values.
An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their
projects. This can be a problem area for some of these
individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need
time alone to center themselves,
and make sure they are moving in a direction which is
in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered
will usually be quite successful
at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of
dropping a project when they become excited about a
new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great
accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.
Most ENFPs have great people skills. They are genuinely
warm and interested in people, and place great importance
on their inter-personal relationships.
ENFPs almost always have a strong need to be liked.
Sometimes, especially at a younger age, an ENFP will
tend to be "gushy"
and insincere, and generally "overdo" in an
effort to win acceptance. However, once an ENFP has
learned to balance their need to be true to themselves
with their need for acceptance, they excel at bringing
out the best in others, and are typically well-liked.
They have an exceptional ability to intuitively understand
a person after a very short period of time, and use
their intuition and flexibility to relate to others
on their own level.
Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities,
the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery.
They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type
tasks, and will frequently remain oblivous to these
types of concerns. When they do have to perform these
tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging
area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating
for ENFP's family members.
An ENFP who has "gone wrong" may be quite
manipulative - and very good at it. The gift of gab
which they are blessed with makes it naturally easy
for them to get what they want.
Most ENFPs will not abuse their
abilities, because that would not jive with their
value systems.
ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They
have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the
truth about a person or situation, but when they apply
judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong
conclusions.
ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have
a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships.
Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they
may become bored with what
actually is. The strong sense of values will keep many
ENFPs dedicated to their
relationships. However, ENFPs like a little excitement
in their lives, and are best matched with individuals
who are comfortable with change
and new experiences.
Having an ENFP parent can be a fun-filled experience,
but may be stressful at times for children with strong
Sensing or Judging tendancies. Such children may see
the ENFP parent as inconsistent and difficult to understand,
as the children are pulled along in the whirlwind life
of the ENFP. Sometimes the ENFP will want to be their
child's best friend, and at other times they will play
the parental authoritarian. But ENFPs are always consistent
in their value systems, which they will impress on their
children above all else, along with a basic joy of living.
ENFPs are basically happy people. They may become unhappy
when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane
tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where
they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work
with people and ideas.
Many go into business for themselves. They have the
ability to be quite productive with little supervision,
as long as they are excited about what they're doing.
Because they are so alert and sensitive,
constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often
suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need
to be independent, and
resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain
control over themselves, but they do not believe in
controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and
suppression extends to
others as well as to themselves.
ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive,
people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging
across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which
they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them,
if they are able to remain centered and master the ability
of following through.
Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:
Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing
take this.. its amazingly dead on.
personalitytest |
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
rough draft.
I'm breathing in your skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't wanna wake the eyes, that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be,
May a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for
me...
like a saturday night i'll be gone before you knew that
i was there
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
ima dust my chin off
maybe if you're lucky
you catch some eileen dust
suhhhhhhHhhn
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
you always know where i am
by the way the road goes.
when i look into your eyes
i see happiness nonetheless
i see sadness nonetheless
ironically the sea always
leads me back to you.
"Take this, its supposed to give you good luck"
says one bunny rabbit to the other as he rips his foot
off.
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
As we lay there intertwined,
he gave me a long slow look,
as if he were deciding something,
and then he allowed himself to blush,
the color suffusing his face
in a delicious mottle of pink and white.
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Monday, May 23, 2005
this has a brain
this has a brain
and
this has a brain
wow the bruises on my legs look like im in an abusive
relationship that I dont know about
where the heck did i get these things? |
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Sunday, May 22, 2005
we won!
team effort
dusting chin off
rollin sleeves up.. twice baby.. count that shhhh*...
twice.. ten minutes..
uhhh huhHHhh thats my shhhh*
-------
things are weird.
im confused again.
i hate being confused.
i dont want to think but its hard not to.
i want to hide in a nice fluffy, marshmallowy, castle
in the sky..
alone. |
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Thursday, May 19, 2005
INTRODUCING THE BLIP:
something I just remembered or found written on some random
piece of writing surface but forgot to right down on that
day.
John Hancock Observatory. Rising 95 floors on an elevator
with the woman in the rabbit jacket and the man whose
smile radiated with love for her. The disposable Kodak
pic should turn out great. It was if they were in their
own world because they couldn’t keep their hands
off eachother. I could only hope that when I turn 50 years
old I will be as madly in love as they still are.
you love me but you don’t know who I am. puddle
of mud. chicago incomplete.
Note to self. When the drink stops the fun begins.
As cliché as it sounds beauty is in the eye of
the beholder.
11:45pm cherry in the tom Collins reminded me of Nikki’s
cherry trick. Quite shrewd of her timely implementation
of this maneuver at garden not so long ago. Gotta keep
in minf tho, life is not always a bowl of cherries.
At what point in a relationship do you realize that
you love a person..
A lot
But
You may not be in love with them
Anymore
It’s a viscous cycle that is hard to get away
from
But once you do, there is no looking back.
Green onion pancakes with fried egg. Cant go wrong
with that on a nice Sunday NY morning.
Heard from stinky bum with nappy hair.
What did the judge say to Michael jackson’s mom
when he was convicted? I’m sorry miss Jackson..
I am ferrrrreaaaaaaaaL. Mind you all of this was sung
while he was dancing a drunken little jiggy jig. Haha.
Guess you had to be there.
I am the big bad wolf
You are the mere little red riding hood
I am to devour.. be very scurred.
Basquiat- inspiring
Pay for soup
Build a fort
Set that on fire
Plush safe he think |
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
It is settled.. I am going to go to Madagascar
for my honeymoon.
I want to pet a lemur.
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/critters/lemur.html
I need to buy a house stat.
Either Chandler or Buckeye.
Im falling behind in the rat race.
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Int toy fair
Life size jenga who woulda thunk it
Freakin bad ass.
He makes me work
He makes me feel insecure
He is trying to change me into something im not
He consumes a lot of my time
He crowds my thoughts
He keeps me awake at night
He challenges my mind
He buys me things
He has taught me more than I could ever imagine
He makes me travel to places I sometimes don’t
want to go
He makes me forget that I need to eat at normal hours
of the day
He has made me grow addicted to red bull
He asks me questions that I sometimes don’t know
the answers to
He is the first thing I think about in the morning
He is the last thing I think about at night
He is work |
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Monday, May 16, 2005
Note to self: peach sangria at olive garden is
magical.
Looping = Blurbs
Im glad ive made you think about thinking.
but perhaps I should start retreating.
samy shogun never ceases to make me want to pee in
my pants in a hysterical laugh fest.
Tip for a First Date:
"If you are touching her mid back and you are already
touching underwear
then you’ve got a problem bro."
mellowdrone – fall on your knees B (check their
website)
stars – one more night |
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Thursday, May 12, 2005
I read what I wrote in retrospect and today I
decided to type it.
042805
My mom said I was regressing. wow i feel the love.
I think I broke my toe.
I owed my roomie $10 but after last nights “PoisonP”
we are even.
I do not believe the use of ice was involved this time.
042905
Arrive at the airport and what are the chances that the
same exact flight #, departure/arrival time, switch over
in Chicago.. all of this on both April 29 and August 29.
darn those 3 letter month abbreviations. They all look
similar when I didn’t even bother to check my itinerary.
I think I deserve an award for partying like a rockstar
til 2am, puking my guts out until 3am, waking up at 5am
to do laundry, leaving only 20 minutes to showie and pack
for 6 days. So very clutch I am. I even had time to scarf
a sausage mcmuffin while waiting in line to board. One
question though.. is it my last name or do I just look
like a freakin terrorist? I don’t understand why
fate would have it that I rendezvous with the TSA every
single time I fly. I didn’t see any special stars
or symbols on my boarding pass so I’ve come to the
conclusion that those lonely, horny TSA old men (and some
butchy women) probably just get a kick out of patting
down little critters like me and feeling the underwire
of my bra for longer than 10 seconds. The german asked
for my number. Those germans don’t skip a beat when
they attack.
EMOTIONAL BRAIN : RATIONAL BRAIN
24 : 1 |
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Fast forward
That’s the way I feel like things are going right
now
I told my roommate he was slurring when he was talking
since we were raging that day
In response my roommate said I was slurring my life
Ouch.
I don’t think ive ever told you about my cousin.
To make a long story short I am basically living her
life all over again. Its interesting how all the issues
I have faced to date she has been through and I am proud
to have her coach me every step of the way. Too bad
sometimes I am just way too hard headed and like to
fall on my face before admitting she is right.. but
trust me SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. Apparently she silently
watches my life unfold through my blurbs and today she
wrote:
Hey, I checked out your site again.... I read one
of your blurbs real fast. I swear this is something
that I remember at your old Sun Valley house, a conversation
you had with your dad:
Uncle Richard: Who is your favorite person
in the world?
Eileen (playing with some empty bottle): Uncle Mar
Uncle Richard (laughing): Are you sure?
Eileen: Yes
Uncle Richard: Very sure?
Eileen (looking up frustrated): Daddy! Yes!
Uncle Richard: Ok, but what about me?
Eileen: Uncle Mar is my favorite person but you are
my daddy. I only have one daddy.
Uncle Richard: Yes, only one daddy. (pause) I only have
one Eileen and you are MY favorite person.
Eileen: Ok, then you are my only daddy and my favorite
person
Uncle Richard: What about Uncle mar?
Eileen: He will be my favorite person tomorrow but you
are my daddy always
Uncle Richard (hugging Eileen): You are such a smart
girl. You are going to make a difference someday.
Eileen: someday? When is that? Not today?
Uncle Richard: You make a difference every day.
Eileen kisses Uncle Richard on the cheek and gives a
big hug. Then throws a fit because Mamang threw away
the bottle she was playing with.
I miss my dad too but it's weird to miss someone
you do not really know. Besides, what better conversation
can a girl have with their dad besides the one above?
And yes, you do smile like your dad. He had a contagious
smile & his eyes smiled too. No one has ever told
me that I look or smile like my dad.....
Have a good one Munchkin.
Intense. I guess I haven’t changed much. I wish
I could remember that conversation but I’m glad
someone did for me. |
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I cannot believe how much I admire and respect
the integrity of the founder of my company. Despite the
fallbacks that we have experienced since conception, he
has always acted in the best interest of the corporation
and I commend him for his strength throughout the legal
adversities we have recently been faced with. I revere
in the fact that I have been honored to work with such
a resilient, dependable individual and I have no doubt
we will persevere to success.
there are only two ways to play the game
1) play to win
2) play not to lose
mark my words I will not lose this game
phoenix, az : depart 5/16 return 5/19
gotta put on the sunday best and rock that trade show
happy berfday steavenom =P |
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Monday, May 9, 2005
The word for today is baggage.
Everyone has it.
I think once you get past the age of 21 it is pretty much
a certainty that you have somehow, someway been severely
jaded by the opposite sex in the past. For those of you
early bloomers, maybe even younger. So it is practically
inevitable that dating after this turning point age can
become increasingly difficult to say the least.
Comparison is inevitable but it is how you suppress and
overcome it that matters. Every single individual on this
entire planet is different. Not only are they unique in
their own way but they interact with others in multiple
variances as well. For example, lets do a for instance.
Say you have absolutely sworn off a particular restaurant
because you found out that the “X” factor
had taken his/her other prey there during the course of
your relationship. Now let’s continue in saying
that this is one of those diamond in the rough restaurants
that is just absolutely unreal and you water at the mouth
craving it. Would you bring someone new there despite
the bad memories or would you write it off and never enter
through its doors again?
Can you imagine what the world would be like if every
time you started dating a new person it was like you were
in junior high finally dating your biggest crush, no baggage,
no “X” factors, no random hidden skeletons
in the closet that will bite you in the ass a couple weeks,
months, years down the line. Oh the butterflies that would
be jostling in your tummy. Instead we are stuck behind
rice paper walls that could tear and break your already
fractured heart in an instant.
They always say that pictures tell a thousand words. It
is so unbelievably true and it sucks compiling all the
thousands of words that invade your head when you glance
at an image from your past or even more so, viewing pictures
of other people’s pasts. It’s like the life
you never knew they had or when looking at your own pictures,
the life you forgot you had. The most eerie thing is to
look at pictures of your parents from the past and seeing
them all happy, young and in love. It hurts even more
so when you are seeing how happy your dad was and never
getting the chance to get to know him yourself. If i could
rub a magic genie bottle my one wish would definitely
be to have even just a couple of minutes with him to experience
a conversation with him and not try to translate the thousands
of words that have been stacking up in my head every time
I see him smile in a photograph.
my mom says we smile the same. I can’t imagine what
it is like to look into your child’s eyes and see
the same smile you said “I do” to… maybe
I will be able to give up beer for 9 months one day..
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Monday, May 9, 2005
We really work during the day.. i swear.
On 5/9/05 at 3:19pm, Eileen Szymanski <eileen@attux.com>
wrote:
Dear Mr. Former BIG BRO Randers,
This letter is to clarify that on Friday, May 6, 2005,
I was highly intoxicated and apologize for my lewd behavior
and misconduct. Please accept this apology for my lesbian
tendencies with your future wife. I would appreciate
the removal of any and all images that display forms
of female on female actions from your website. Should
you decide to keep the images available for display,
I will not hesitate on taking legal action.
Thank you for your immediate attention and resolution
in this matter.
Sincerely,
Eileen Szymanski
Your Former Lil Sis (until the pictures come down)
__________________________
-----Original Message-----
From: "Randy Tabije"
Sent: Monday, May 09, 2005 4:05 PM
To: "Eileen Szymanski"
Cc: "James", "Dee", "Dorinan"
Subject: RE: boat party pix
To Ms. Szymanski,
Thank you for your quick attention to the subject matter.
This is in response to your letter dated May 9, 2005.
As you know, business here at Pimpin Productions Incorporated,
(labeled here on as PP,Inc) is strictly confidential
and is only disclosed to trusted sources with many years
experience (clients jimee cochrane,d.peau, deeznuts,
and former lil sis eileen), granted they are bound by
contracts, by word or by loyalty. Only with the breakage
of signed waivers,verbal agreements, or pinky swears,
then are they allowed to petition the actions of members
of PP,Inc. of any wrong doing or breach of contract.
As you may have interpreted from previous attachments
and coordination with other parties, especially those
pertaining to members of PP,Inc, improper and irrational
behavior towards PP,Inc will not be tolerated when an
agreement was not created. Expulsion and replacement
from the PP,Inc Elite LS Program is immenent and pending.
But due to tentative gestures of good faith and proper
conduct from the requesting party, the removal is moved
from pending to probationary. As requested, the images
displaying lesbian tendencies and other female on female
actions will be removed.
If, after these removals, legal action is still pursued
upon PP,Inc, a strict meeting between all parties involved
will be held. Our attornies Jimee Cochran and D.Peau
will be at our defense as well as our witness Ms. Decolongon.
I would hope you take this as a lesson for my team and
clients are well armed and knowledgeable in the arts
of mass distribution and sales. We hope this will put
a closure on the current situation.
If you have any further questions, our hotlines are
open 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Yours truly,
Randy R. Tabije |
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Sunday, May 8, 2005
Whoever invented the crest vanilla mint toothpaste
is both sick and twisted.
So I was eating teppan with my family for mothers day
and I saw this girl I knew from high school. I totally
put her on a pedestal. She was one of those cool girls
that all the guys jocked hard.. super pretty and always
at her best. It was strange that seven years later here
we both are only difference is now she was serving and
i was being served. boy how things change.
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Sunday, May 1, 2005
MISSION
The city doesn’t sleep.
Talk about ass for days, I personally witnessed ass for
years. Homie was handling the badonkadonk karate kid wax
on wax off.
Conversation with infactuated bootylicious hoarder:
¼ mile high member: handle that sh*t
Hoarder: naw man its too much
¼ mile high member: I never WANT TO HEAR THAT
AGAIN!!! MANNN you could put a silver dollar on that
@ss.
Hoarder: haha.. you know what I’m sayin son!
Like a tongue stuck to a frozen pole, his hand was
clamped tightly between her thighs holding on for dear
life (bootyclapclapclap) one could only imagine what
lies beneath the Himalayas could it be a leopard like
bungee cord?
ALLERGIC
Juniors pizza and subs. I really wanted calamari but
the guy is allergic to seafood. apparently he couldnt
make the calamari. Umm don’t you wear gloves?
sorry buddy no can do on the calamari. but ill give
you some of the white wine sauce we use on the food.
so it was delivered in plastic pepsi cups with a tinge
of yellow. tasted more like vinegar soy sauce than white
wine. I was not a happy camper. evidence i am not as
alcoholic as i thought i was or else i would have drank
that nastiness.
ELEMENT
I made her come out of her element.
I made him come out of his.
Simple case of t&h
To indulge in a mascarade of epiphanies |
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Saturday, April 30, 2005
Volatile: I remember when I was in that scenario
when I would go to the bathroom and my boyfriend would
accompany me and when I got out he would be no where in
sight. So i I would go back to our table and when he would
finally come back he would be irate yelling off how he
was waiting for me to get out of the little girls room
and here I was the whole time enjoying myself at the table
while he was there waiting patiently for me. I am so glad
I am over that. What is the point of getting mad over
something like that when there are so many more important
things in life to worry about or argue over. Like umm
you lied to me about 4 girls or I never loved you..
anyhow. Moral of the story, keep trucking.
you never know what you may encounter while wandering
off on the road less traveled.
(Written on a napkin that was placed under my stella)
Hooray for accordions. I have a new appreciation for
this unique instrument and the utilization of this tool
in jazz. So I went to a concert tonight and by the looks
of the crowd it was definitely a J-unit thing and not
a G-unit event. Middle aged mom was rockin the playboy
leather jacket. By the third song she was chugging her
water bottle like a horse that just completed traveling
through the Oregon trail. Yah you know that game you
played on the two tone green screen in elementary. I
actually feel like a minority. Especially after he busted
out with the “Romania” whoa.
Dayam those “Starers.” They are almost
as bad as the “Lurkers” the only difference
is “Lurkers” talk and “Starers”
just creep in silence. (Written after a wiley female
handed me her business card after staring at me for
the most part of the concert.)
Pepcid AC wrote:
“some people express themselves through words;
other “starers” just do it with their eyes”
High five to the Listerine extraordinaire scavenger
champion ’89. I could only hope to follow in these
footsteps one day.
moral for today:
Don’t ask questions to thoughts that cannot be
explained.
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Friday, April 29, 2005
So my toe is incredibly hurting. I seriously
think I broke it. I can barely put my checkered vans on.
I got hug attacked and mounted last night by the birthday
girl and somewhere between the point of impact and my
back laying on the dirty dave and buster floor, my toe
was bent sideways. Ouchie. At least I got kissed 5 times
on my piercing last night.. aww yeah.. girls dig the piercing.
I am such a mess right now. I went to the dentist yesterday
and thought I needed to get my wisdom tooth out cuz it
has been incredibly painful the past couple of days. Just
as I thought I do need to get them pulled but that unfortunately
was not the issue at hand. Apparently I have been inadvertently
gnawing off the inside of my cheek. The dentist concluded
that tendencies such as this are due to high levels of
stress. Ding ding. We have a winner. So she prescribed
me some meds and low and behold I was not able to retrieve
them from the pharmacy since I had such a busy day ahead
of me. Once I was finally able to even read what she had
prescribed me the pharmacy was closed and there I sat
with the signed paper in my hand thinking how the next
time I would be able to hit up the pharm would be when
I arrive back next Thursday.
Sitting next to an Italian and a german make for some
interesting conversations. I learned something that
I could directly relate to the international distribution
partners I have to deal with at work. German Ethics:
Everything that is not mandatory is prohibited.
So I ask what is there to do in Chicago and Italian
tells me about how the RV driver for the Def Leopard
tour could not find a place to get rid of the waste
on the rv.. obviously he was probably inebriated with
some sort of illegal chemical so smart driver guy decides
to dump the feces and other bodily excretions into the
Chicago river thing. As he’s dumping the goodies,
the biggest tourist attraction – the architectural
boat tour - intersects the brown waterfall and 1 week
later def leopard is faced with a multi million dollar
lawsuit for showering the patrons on the tour with their
excrements. His last sentence.. so yah you should check
out the architectural boat tour I heard its fascinating.
My response. Umm thanks.. ill look into that.
Right now I feel like I am watching the movie trailer
to my life. Its been about 2 months of this fast paced,
high stress, no sleep, intense … blah blah blah..
you know how in movie trailers you see the highs the
lows the goods the bads the funny the sad the winner
the loser. I have seen and been through a lot of things
in my life but I can honestly say I have experienced
much more in this short time period than I have in my
twenty four years of existence. I remember learning
in art school that there are only 24 story lines that
are encompassed in every single movie ever made. i.e.
1) boy meets girl they fall in love and live happily
ever after 2) aliens attack from outerspace 3) a war
splits a family in two etc.. all the little details
such as what hot young actor/actress they are going
to star in the film or the setting, costume design etc..
those are all miniscule in the broad scope of the story
line at hand. When I first learned this I really could
not believe it. but looking back on this past year I
agree wholeheartedly. It should not depend on who the
stars of the movie are, its how the story unfolds.
I had a conversation with my husband yesterday and samy
shogun mentioned some very pondering things. When you
are caught up in a situation you make yourself believe
that no one else in this universe could possibly understand
you or what you are going through because they have
not gone through it themselves. Although they may have
gone through something similar you tell yourself that
it is not the same and refuse to listen to any advice
they have to give regarding the situation. Sometimes
we just need a person to listen to us. To give us their
ears. Sometimes we just want someone to agree with us
to make us feel better. But friends are always willing
to provide their advice in situations and im starting
to realize that a lot of them have been right all along.
Its almost funny to step out of your own shoes and look
back at yourself and how you were so enwrapped with
a situation that you forgot to look at what else is
out there. Once you break free from that cloudy bubble
the world seems a lot more beautiful. You realize that
you do deserve better and you have been compromising
your happiness to make others happy. I say be selfish.
i choose my friends wisely and I think that they are
not selfish enough. They are constantly working to make
others happy and hurting themselves along the way. Of
course there is always that one friend that is full
of himself/herself and could care less who or what she
hurts along the way but those friends come and go. Im
talking more about the people that you would call at
3am when you get into a car accident in the rain, the
people you would invite to your wedding if you had a
maximum capacity of 10, the people you would email your
first born baby pics too.. sigh. Im getting older its
scary.
Tuesday for sure
Architectural boat tour.
Downtown
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Thursday, April 28, 2005
Good people are not hard to find
they are hard to keep
Your presence is viral
it spreads without concern
of what is may engulf
throughout its conquer
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005
sneaky peakys are funfun
-----------
Re: Misappropriation of “Sleeping” Cutesy
Mofo Image
To Whom It May Concern:
We are counsel to Eileen Szymanski. ("Ei").
We write concerning your announced intention of distributing
an unlawful and unauthorized image known as “Sleeping”
Cutesy Mofo on April 27, 2005. Distribution of “Sleeping”
Cutesy Mofo constitutes a serious violation of Eileen
Szymanski (“Ei”) as well as defamation of
valuable intellectual property rights and will subject
you to serious legal remedies for willful violation
of federal patent law. We accordingly demand that you
cease any plans or efforts to distribute or publicly
perform this unlawful posting.
Unless we receive full and immediate compliance with
these demands, Eileen Szymanski (“Ei”) will
be forced to consider pursuing any and all available
remedies at law and in equity. Nothing herein shall
be deemed an admission or waiver of any rights or remedies
of Eileen Szymanski (“Ei”) and/or her affiliates,
all of which are hereby expressly reserved.
Sincerely,
/s/ Y. Yoo Playmelikethat
Y. Yoo Playmelikethat
Telephone (direct dial): (212) 202-6969
Email: ucan@suckit.com |
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I can't get past the great wall of china
I hate conquering sideways
Why ask questions that you already know the answers
to?
Don’t. You’ll ruin it.
Message from travel buddy afar:
Furtune cookie today while eating at the sushi bar
"You are smart, for you do things smartly."
lucky #s 10, 22, 23, 26, 43
chronological order of flyers from old raves. what a
concept. hardy har har.
why do 5 minute conversations turn into cell phone battery
fatality.
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Emily: so were you in love with her?
Olly: yes. I mean I thought I was in love with her…
or maybe it was just a lot like love.
Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me
aqualung – brighter than sunshine
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